[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes, I guess the "in-love" word to me is more like "soul-mate" you finish each other's sentence, on the same page, understand each other totally, inside and out, love everything about them, can't wait to talk, see them...

I think at the beginning, I mentioned a "fishing line" reels you in, throws you out, reels you in... bit hard to be the above to a person if that is the case...

And, I am saying the Universe works in mysterious ways, you were married 3 years ago, doesn't matter about accounts. It could not have happened, this form of communication, would have been a different communication had it have happened, and so it didn't happen. That's English hehehe.

and yes, I needed your post translated into "american" lol some of your phrases dont get the point across like you would like them to.

STBX

And like that's American? Stupid Ta.. bloody X? WT?

[thack]

hmmmm

lol, STBX is just an abbreviation!!!! so i dont have to type out - soon to be x-wife - every time :P

I know what you mean now, I have different opinions on the
"in love" VS "soul mates"

you can be in love with someone and not have them be your soul mate, in my opinion, being in love is a state of mind, you can achieve it with work, understanding, caring, affection, connection, and communication.

soul mate is someone that just drops your guard the day you meet them, you cannot go minutes, seconds with out thinking about them from the day you meet them. You are basically in love but without anything else.

those are my definitions of the above mentioned things, I hope and pray that I find my soul mate and fall back into love with someone. I once was "in love" with the STBX !!! it came and went for me, situationally I had stronger feelings than other times, I thought thats how marriage was. (it was my first, and wanted it to be the only) I didnt like it when there was not the "in love" feeling, but I felt differently then she did at times I guess.

oh well, what I am trying not to do now is set myself up for a let down, I am just trying to really enjoy the conversations with the old friend. (like i said the old GF and the STBX had the same first and middle name, and the same last initial... isnt that odd...) She and I have sat up till 4am (my time) every day this week talking through myspace messages. Its crazy, I havent been this happy in a while, honestly, I feel great. I have dropped hints to her that I miss her and I have missed her friendship at a minimum for years. I never would have strayed from my STBX - not even with this woman - but I have missed talking to her for 8 years. its awesome. but I dont want to get my hopes up (i know CW you are going to tell me not to doubt the universe ! lol) and just get let down. I wont ever lose her in my life again, on whatever level I get her as. friend, or more, either way.

I am smiling as i am typing this, lol first time i have posted here on this forum and been HAPPY. lol, i am so confused, lol....

throw another shrimp on the barbie! (thats all the Australian i know, sorry i should learn more, because thats one place I would love to visit some day! right after Ireland)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

(i know CW you are going to tell me not to doubt the universe ! lol) and just get let down. I wont ever lose her in my life again, on whatever level I get her as. friend, or more, either way.

I am smiling as i am typing this, lol first time i have posted here on this forum and been HAPPY. lol, i am so confused, lol....

Am I? Or am I going to say, something someone else told me once, "no matter what", I never want to lose you, friendship or what ever.... I will say that, "people come into your life for a reason", "you can count your friends on your fingers", and if a friendship is important? Then yep, I am going to agree with you, regardless where it takes you, never let go because which ever way you look at it? It is FOR LIFE.

Now, the intials, and last letter of names, for goodness sake you married the wrong person... haha..(That's the Universe bit).. Whilst i made a joke, who knows?

And, I disagree, love, is what you described, to me anyway... Not, In-love, in-love is so deep in my opinion and happens once, maybe twice in a life time and they are your soul mate... And, I can debate, because, well I can... so there.

throw another shrimp on the barbie! (thats all the Australian i know, sorry i should learn more, because thats one place I would love to visit some day! right after Ireland)

Now your speaking my language... And, um, guess what? I am Irish, well my last name is, and soooo , three generations ago we were, so you are forgiven for wanting to go there first, for a Ginuess, no doubt...

Don't be confused, take each day as it is, enjoy it, relish in it, it's fantastic that you have a connection so strong that you can be so happy, during this time... You are what people would call " lucky", but then you have a soul... And, people with soul do find what ever it is that they seek..

It's the totally lost souls that keep wandering around, is it not?

CW

[thack]

I see what you are saying with in love and soul mate.

I only say it the way I did because I see so many people who are not with their soul mate, and you can tell, but they are in love with each other (the true deep mate-connection) and live a very happy life, but its not easy, flawless, effortless, how ever you want to put it. For me the soul mate is someone that you just connect with on such a deep level of existence that its almost easy - every relationship has to have some work in it, nothing good comes for free!

I am very thankful to have found this woman again, and just looking at the circumstances of the past 10+ years interacting with her, its just amazing how there were attempts to find each other at key situations in life.

we were together when she realized her boyfriend before me had knocked her up, so she said she wouldnt ruin my life for her mistake with him, went to him for the "kid's sake" (senior year)

I ran into her with the STBX in a K-mart in 2001, we said hi, made introductions and as soon as we left the STBX started in on me about how the kid looked like me and not like their parents (it would be kinda hard because we hadn't slept together while we were together, probably the 1 relationship in high school that I wanted to take slow, so we did, while it lasted)

Then looking further along the road, she looked for me when her marriage dissolved for the same reason that mine did - cheating spouse. (we have so many experiences now that we share, we have been able to sit and talk till 4am my time for a week or more now.)

she was probably as close to me as my brother is to me now, but in high school.. I missed that, I have missed it for 10 years, I missed her, so happy to see her again (well, kinda, lol, I am still in Iraq lol) I did love my STBX, I was in love with her, it came and went as our marriage went on when our story unfolded as we've all read in the other post. But I know now she is not my soul mate. (thats how I can support my definitions of "in love / soul mate" because I was truly in love with the STBX for a good long while)

the confusion right now, like i said, its just weird, I havent been this happy in a long long time. Longer than this divorce proceeding has been going on. She is in her life where it is and I dont know if I should push for anything during this time in my life, or if I should just be there for her as she needs me and leave it at that. And always wonder later on in my life if we would have worked together as a couple or not. If she's even willing to try, like i said, her current relationship sounds like its out of convenience than it does out of feelings. She has mentioned her BF once in the past week and a half and it was only in relation to "he has a dvd that we were talking about" - I dont know if I am just jumping into the circle too far or if I need to just hold back, (i dont want to, but I dont want to end up hurt with this woman because i was overzealous in rekindling something that we felt quite a long long time ago, I dont want to lose her again!)

so thats why I am confused, but I am still enjoying talking to her. I know if the STBX knew i was talking to her she would be on fire, lol, but i wont stop talking to my old friend because of the STBX's feelings, i did that for her once, she didnt return the favor.. so thats her loss.



(streaming all of hurt's music right now on my ipod, lol, such great music to listen to while thinking about lost love, friends, experiences, everything! its weird)

as far as you being irish - GOOD! lol, I am Irish / German myself, couple generations ago they came over on the boat. So, I've been to Germany all ready, I want to see Ireland, once I have the roots seen / taken care of that trip, some day i wish to visit Australia, maybe with my son! Time will tell :P

going on like no sleep right now - just got off work (24 hour duty) so im going to lay my head down after i check my myspace messages :P lol.

Ty

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Haven't hurd you say lol, so many friggen times, lol's...

It's interesting, i note alot of people reading your threads, but not commenting, I guess because really you are not asking a question, well you are, but subtley.....

I guess, it's only a week and a half, so why not make slight, "double meaning" comments, every now and then and see her reaction?

She may need you as you need her..

My guess though is you have always been in her heart, and mind... you don't look for someone otherwise, i don't think.

But, also she may not be ready to close the chapter of the book she is in, yet and things may need to be slower.

She may also think that as you are going through what you are, that you are ready to close but not to re-commence a relationship straight away.

Your coming home soon are you not?

Keep talking, keep progressing the relationship on what ever level it ends up on, you will know as time goes by.


Now check My-Space and get your behind to bed.. haha.

CW

[thack]

:P yeah, the lol's just start flowing some times...

Yeah, I have tossed in some double meaning kinda questions / comments. She responded positively to them.

I do not even think that in my state of mind right now that I would even start a relationship with her, I would for sure want to keep it at a very friendly pace for a good long while, get to know each other again as its' been YEARS since we have talked at all. But it sure is good to hear from her, hoping that my returning home will increase the communication.

She doesn't talk about the boy friend much, that's for sure, our conversations have been about old times, our new found experiences, and our children thus far. We developed a lot of the same hobbies as time. She has expressed that she wants to go hang out when I bring my son home in March, and not a "we can let our kids play and sit and talk" but a "lets go out and have a good time" kind of situation. Really looking forward to just even seeing her let alone if anything else was to transpire from it.

(even though the STBX thinks this woman and I were sexually active in high school, we weren't... we oddly took things slow, which was very out of the norm for both of us back then)

BUT, anyhoo, I am happy today, I got to call the babysitter and talk to my son, he blabbed "dadadadadada" several times, and some other random words he's learned since I left. I cant wait to see him, I miss the little guy so badly its unreal. LOL!!

I know I am not really asking too many questions, well direct ones at least, right now I just am enjoying getting some sort of perspective on this situation. Its still odd but good at the same time. I dont know too many people who have ever experienced this type of situation, so I would imagine its hard to comment on.

I have just about 2 weeks left here and O- good news - I get to go to Ireland on the way home - super stoked about that!

Other than that, I am still praying for strength because I am going to need it when I get home that is for sure. I am praying to be able to emotionally separate myself from the STBX and I am praying for god to protect her and my son. I do not want her hurt or anything, I will not wish that on her. I still do not want to see her, and I am making arrangements to see my son at the babysitters instead of having to have a very awkward scenario with the STBX and my son in the same room. So, I am working on things as I can. The lawyer has really shone through as of late and produced some results for me, still remaining civil as needed.

Ty