[vavavoom]

Has anyone else had this problem and got through it?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years, we started living together six months into the relationship.

We are each others best friend, no doubt there, but the other side of things has changed from being very openly affectionate to almost no affection at all. I try to go over to hug him and he often physically stops me. I've been on crutches for a little while now and so if I go over to give him a kiss it takes a lot of effort, but he can see me coming and sometimes challenges me. On occasions he looks mildly annoyed with me, and so lets me kiss him on the cheek and then says I should sit back down.

Its really odd, because, although it doesnt happen very often, he can be ver affectionate, if he initiates the affection.

I've asked him about it gently, and he will often say he doesn't want to huddle together on the couch because he cant get comfortable, or because he has just got comfortable sitting where he's sat. He is a big guy, and I've believed him at his word, for the time being.

Its started to really upset me now, because I've been at home, because of the crutches, and just am so pleased to see him when gets home from work, and he is always so tired, its never the best time to talk or to try to get a hug.

Recently I have told him that I can't have a relationship like this, that it just isnt something I can do. I've gently challenged him that if it truly is to do with not being able to get comfortable because of his weight then it might be worth trying to lose some. He started talking about eating carefully straight away and since then he has been telling me how he has been sticking to it.

The thing is, without being dismissive of his healthy eating, I know he'll give in, and although I'll support him in it, I don't mind the size he is.

He doesn't want to split up, as I have already said he can leave if he wants to. In fact, with crossed wires, I actually thought he had left, but he'd actually just gone out as he'd planned to that day anyway, and he came straight back later. He didn't understand my surprise to see him back so soon.

There must be another answer. Please help.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sounds to me that he has gotten himself into a comfort zone and is a bit self centred " it's all about me" instead of understanding that there are (2) of you in this relationship.

Every female wants affection... He needs to make an effort simple.

Laziness in my opinion because of being over weight is not a reason for not giving someone a cuddle, that doesn't take energy sex does.

If I was to guess " it doesn't happen very often", the cuddles, but when they do, sex follows?

Perhaps you actually need to say, " listen if you can't be bothered enjoying this relationship, there's no point being your best friend and not receiving affection and love, i can get that from anyone", wisen up or you'll lose me.

CW

[damd]

Unfortunatley, he might be waiting for you to push him out the door?

Has he had many relationships before you? Is he lazy?

If so, he might be in that comfort zone that CW is talking about. I think you should be honest with him and yourself of what you need in a relationship and find out if he is capable of providing that for you.

Good luck

[Ashlee T.]

Yep...alot of people get comfortable, and though they don't necessarily want their relationship, they don't want to be the one to call it quits because they're comfortable. Being self centered with affection is a bad sign....a sign that you could live the rest of your life without it if you stay with this person. Are you okay with that? And do you really want to be with someone you've had to force to show you affection?

[cassie66]

my first hubby was like that in the endid had enough and divorced him

[MandyBee23]

In my last relationship we were together for 5 years and the last year we had decided to move in together. Well 6 months later he started doing exactly what you talked about and we hardly ever had sex. I couldn't wait to see him all day and when he'd get home he would totally ignore me. We stopped watching moves together which we had done almost every night because now he didn't feel like it. All though, my ex would also go straight into the computer room and talk online for hours. I asked him if he was cheating because he would hide the messages every time I came into the room, he denied it of course. But when I found out he was talking to a female from work every night we ended up breaking up because he "had all ready been thinking about breaking up for a while" and just needed me to bring it up. I know that probably doesn't really help but It's something to think about.

[kms]

Others have asked if he's lazy - my thoughts are that if he's lazy about stuff in general (or doesn't have the willpower to initiate or follow through with things), he may simply just not want to go through all the effort of breaking off the relationship and leaving. Inaction may seem more appealing than any type of action, whether that be affection or the opposite, leaving. He may just need a big wake-up call - you taking action and giving him an ultimatum. Change or you are leaving. You should take control of the relationship, especially since he clearly doesn't want it (or is at least avoiding it)

[tasha_correa]

Have you ever thought of just leaving? I dont mean like perminatly move out, but after you two get into one of your talks and he seems like he wont budge you get up and say "well I cant handal it" and just walk out for a few hours. Give him a scare and see what happenes. I had the same problem with my boy friend so I did that. What I also did after the scare, was just give up on giving him affection untill it drove him crazy. I would be happy to see him when he got home, but just hide it from him. It's hard to do, but it will show you if he really cares. Give it a try, what harm could it do?