[Guest]

my friend and i were haveing a discusiion the other night and she brought up a good point. so i was wondering if any of you, or how many of you might think the same.

we were talking about how a relationship goes very great, you know no arguments, no fighting, always seem so happy, alot in common and always laughing and happy to see each other, etc. the so-called perfect relationship.
and then out of the blue, its gone. no reason was given, and you got dogged/dumped. or if a reasonwas given every thing became your fault. no matter what it was, or how little it may be.
if you talk to others about the breakup, everyone would say the other was looking for a way out because what happened was not a deal-breaker so to speak.

my friends thought was this, that at some point they got burned bad, treated bad, or something bad in the past. they built a wall and let you in little at a time. they do say i love you, treat you pretty good, but are so scared as noone ever treated them as good as you and so they really do not know how to have a good relationship. so in turn, they are scared and leave as its to good to be true. and affraid your going to hurt them like others did.
have any of you been told this or expierenced this?
whats your take on the to good to be true theory?

[Little]

Hindsight is a real jerk and has a way of tinting things to make them reflect the outcome. Taking an example from an essay I read once about hindsight in relationships (not quoting though, in my own words)
Your girlfriend gets you the most perfect gift, that you didn't know you even wanted until it was in your hands and you realize she knows you better than you know yourself. A few months later, you break up. Does that ruin the gift? Does it make it less perfect? Is it now blind luck that she got such a good gift, rather than her knowing and loving you? For me, it certainly would. I'm bitter like that.
But is it a true perception of that gift? Probably not.
The nature of life is change. People change, situations change, and unfortunately hearts get broken in the process. But if you walk around with a broken heart on your sleeve (or behind a wall for that matter) you are never going to heal. Every woman who comes into your life is going to be frozen out, walled out. The boyfriends/love interests I've had who were "sensitive," "brokenhearted," and "being careful" were the ones who treated me the worst. And were blindsided when I walked away.
To get back to the topic, I don't believe in "too good to be true," but rather people keeping up appearances and the other side to every story.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well JWB.....

Everything is a " possibility"....

Have I been with someone that seems "too good to be true" and chickened out and gone, run?

No I have to say that I have hung about and "waited" for the "cracks" to show, if not, then I would be the luckiest woman alive....

I don't think it's a matter of "all you give" and therefore that will work, it could be as I found with a friend of mine, the working hours he did, they were perfectly matched , perfectly, he was way in love, but she broke his heart and walked.....

I asked why he said he didn't know, she didn't say...

But as time went on, and through his conversations it became evident that she couldn't spend the weekends with him, walking the dogs, going out for dinner, because his working hours started at 4pm, he wouldn't change his job to suit, his reasons, "safety", but as a result the relationship failed.

Sometimes you have to look outside I think.

If a person is too good to be true? Another example, I talked to someone for ever, he was there every step of the way " too good to be true", I was thinking, this could be something.... But, everytime I asked to come over? Get to see his "family" two sons, something would stop him from doing so... I began to question....

He also described himself as a non smoker ( he smoked) told me he was 6ft, wasn't etc, etc, met and um, haha, but the clinch came when I went to his house to appraise it OMG? If I lived in that filth I would be gone in 60 seconds and probably in a fast car as well, too good to be true.

What seems, is not always what it seems.

What we are, and give is sometimes not enough, the way we live, the way we work , the hours we keep, the time we can give, can all be reasons for someone to walk....

As Little said as well, "two sides" if only we knew them.

CW