[confused124]

I have been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years now. Early on in our relationship he told me that he likes to dress up as a woman. It took me awhile to come to terms to this, but I try to be as supportive as possible and make him feel comfortable when he does. I was very accepting and don't see that there is anything really wrong with it as long as he doesnt do it a lot. Sometimes I do miss my man, though... He has been doing it a lot lately and it has been bothering me... I am ready for the next step in our relationship, but he has told me many times that he is not ready for the next step. But, things have started to get weird lately...

I think I have made him so comfortable that lately he has been sharing more and more of his fantasizes with me... Lately they have been only involving him dressed up and him with other men... I know he likes the sensation of what a man could offer and I am worried that he would actually prefer it to being with a woman. We never have sex any more. He is more than happy to just have us talk dirty to one another and sometimes even likes to watch gay porn and look at pictures, etc. I can't even remember the last time we had sex or had any time together that didn't involve it....

I have no idea what to do now.... I do love him, but I don't know what to do... I don't want to invest time in a relationship with him if he is going decide to leave me to be with a guy...

What should I do?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Certainly it would be difficult for you to at this time.

But, if he was a cross dresser, and told you ( at least he did ), the the possibility was always going to be there, that he may be gay, or prefer alternative sex, as well as intimacy with you, either way.

You don't really have a relationship.. You have a friendship.. And, he's being selfish to remain in this relationship himself, in my opinion, as he is asking you to talk dirty and accept that's all your getting.

You know that's not what you want.

You know that any more time invested is a waste of time.

Be his friend, keep that love in that respect and get on with your life...

You have shown him it is all ok, and so he has taken it and does what he wants with it...

You possibly have made him feel comfortable, but you still do not have a relationship.

Best of Luck.

CW

[Ashlee T.]

So basically, his tendencies are nothing new to you since you've known nearly from the beginning that he has them. I commend your supportiveness, but it truly sounds like you are more of a friend to this guy than a lover. Sounds to me like he's not confused at all about what he wants.....but perhaps a little ashamed of admitting that to the world, so he has found someone that he can confide in that will love him despite those tendencies.
Ready to move to the next step in your relationship? My question to that is, are you feeling the societal pressure to get "hitched" because that's what you're "supposed" to do, or do you really want to marry THIS man? Are you truly okay with your husband dressing as a woman? Are you truly okay with your husband longing for the touch of a man? And to me...it's not a matter of IF he does it....it's WHEN will he do it?
I bet if you asked most gay men, they'd tell you that at some point they have had sex with a woman. Why? Because that's what they're "supposed" to want, but not necessarily what they truly want. Society makes it hard, especially for men, to admit to that lifestyle.
Now...back to you....you want a man, you want a man who wants a woman, a man who desires and longs for your touch, a man that wants to have sex with you. And, you DESERVE those things. You can love this man, and you can be his friend...but don't allow yourself to be his cover up.
I know what I'd do..................

[WildChild]

I think CW and BD have covered it, He may make a good friend but he's not lifemate relationship material. He's working on coming out of the closet, you've been emotional support, acceptance and cover. Nice to be there for someone but what about having your needs met? What happens when he meets that special guy?

[confused124]

Thanks so much for the replies! I guess this has just been so hard on me lately and really weighing on my shoulders, but I just didn't want to admit it to myself that this was happening...

I don't know why I really wanted this to work... I think he's a great guy when I see that side, but when he changes to the other side, which he has only done in private as far as I know, lately has been killing me..

I don't want to sound like an awful horrible person for bailing on this, but I have to do what's best for me, right?

I just don't know what to say now, this is such a touchy topic when I bring it up to him and I know that he is embarrased when I bring it up...

But, I do want to say thanks again for the support. I have been feeling so alone and really had no one to talk to and it has been eating me up inside... It feels so good to finally tell this to someone...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thank you for coming back and reading the comments, it's what makes posters post and give their time.

You know, "support" and "telling someone" is also what this site is about...

Come back to your thread if you need to even just to up-date "for yourself" get it off your chest, where you are at and how you are feeling.

Best of luck again...

Life isn't always as easy as we would like it to be. But, if we grow from everything in it, then it's good.

CW

[LoriTG]

Re: Your Boyfriend

I am a male to female transgendered person and even to me he sounds weird. I say leave him! Life is too short to waste time on a relationship that you aren't happy in.

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

~Lori

[confused124]

Thanks so much!! So, I suck at breaking up with people, so, what should I say to him??

I feel bad because we had a pretty good time this weekend, which I had wanted to do it today, but I couldn't... I do still love him, when he is his normal guy self, but the other stuff I can't handle any more... But, I have no idea what I should say...

Any suggestions???

[Ashlee T.]

Be honest. You love him, you wouldn't to lose his friendship for anything but it's truly not fair to you (or to him for that matter) to call this a bf gf relationship. Whether or not he chooses to admit his "feelings" or not is his call, you can't force that, but you can let him know that you feel that friendship is truly all you two have.

Truly, you know him...we don't. So you're the only one that truly knows the best way to address this with him. It's obvious you love the guy, and I am sure he loves you too.....and while friendship is TOTALLY important in any good love relationship there has to be more than just friendship. So tell him that. I hope it goes well for you......just remember, it'll be the best thing for you.

[Joy]

I would tell him the truth that you are find with him exactly how he is... but its been forever that you have had sex...... and you have needs and desires to and its not all about him but that is exactly what the relationship has turned into ... all about him and what he needs from you as support on a sexual level.

you are not being held, touched, kissed, made love too, looked at, and mentally stimulated the way you want to be then let this man go and allow it to come into your life.

you are settling for peices of a relationship instead of the whole thing. YOu have been an amazing friend to this man and super supportive... he couldn't ask for more... but you need what you need as well.

It doesn't make him less or not good enough.... it just means you guys are looking for different things.

good luck