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Boyfriend Cheated, I'm pregnant

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  • Boyfriend Cheated, I'm pregnant

    I've been with my boyfriend fully since about October. Before then I had known him for about a year, and we used to go out at the weekends and were friends, sometimes things would happen between us but we weren't "together". We lived together but as housemates since about September, with another male housemate. Things developed and we spent every day together and it became the norm that I jsut slept in his bed every night.

    The other housemate became annoyed at this and told me I had to move out, so I did. He told me this a few days before my family came out to visit me (I emigrated to Australia from England the year before) so I moved into their holiday rental home while I found a new place to live. My boyfriend took me round to their place with all my stuff the night that they arrived and met my family, and we were very much a couple at that point, which was beginning of October.

    Since then we have been closer and closer and now that my lease on this place runs out in less than two weeks, we have been looking at moving in together and have applied for a few places to live. In addition, I found out I was pregnant just before Christmas and we deicded to keep it.

    He, like so many people I have met since being in this country, has a problem with crystal meth. I know other people that have taken it and have told me the sexual impulses you get when taking it are insanely strong.

    Anyway, he stopped taking it once I was pregnant, which I've been quite proud of him for.

    Yesterday I had his laptop to go online with, and instead found videos of him having sex with this woman. I know this woman, she is older than us (Im 26, hes 31) and I know has grown up children who have left home and divorced from her husband. Shes always calling him and drops everything to do anything he asks. I know they had had sex in the past but didnt think anything was going on now, I thought he would just phone her when he was stuck with something or needed a lift and things like that, whcih annoyed me anyway and I would tell him that he should treat people a bit better.

    There was one video from beginning of Septemeber which would have been from before we were properly together, but another from 12th December. Two weeks before Christmas. I work in a bar and the video was a Friday, so I would have been at work. He had been taking crystal meth and so had she.

    Id like to think he wouldnt have done this sober, but I feel so disgusted and repulsed. I've told him in the past that Ive noticed cultural differences from here and where Im from regarding cheating, and that people seem to treat it much more "casually" over here, which is something I find morally abhorrent. He knew this.

    I'm not sure where Im going with this. Ive told him its over and hes very upset, has cried constantly telling me how sorry he is and how in love with me he is and how he didnt know what he was doing etc. But who knows if that was even the only time, this just happened to be the time they FILMED. I'm only about 7 weeks pregnant and dont think I want it anymore.

    I know some people forgive cheating partners but I just dont think I can. Its something I feel quite strongly about and I cant help but feel staying with them implies some sort of acceptance of their behaviour. I dont feel I should have to work through trust issues and learn to trust them again, THEY messed up, not me. I didnt choose to do this. I think Ive always kinda of looked down on woman who forgive cheating partners. My mums husband cheated on her and she took him back, and I guess if Im honest I felt quite disappointed that she felt she needed somebody that badly that she would accept that. Same when I see things in the media about celebrities and the woman takes her cheating husband back, my reaction is always along the lines of "Have some self respect". This is coming across as quite judgemental but really I would be quite interested in peoples stories that have went through this and forgiven.

  • jamii, hes a drug taker although he tells you he's given up - he's already been unfaithful -high or not. you cannot tolerate this so early in your relationship. i think you know what you have to do, sorry i cant be more positive but he is definately not daddy material. i see years of heartbreak for you if you go through with this pregnancy. sorry sweetie, but i tell it how i see it.


    • Forgive and forget is a concept that may work for some people after a cheating situation they 'heard about' 'we're told about' but to actually see the act, with your own eyes on a laptop computer, I don't know what it would take to erase those images from popping into your mind when he shows up late with a strange excuse, etc.

      As for the baby, you have to do what is right for you. I chose to raise my baby alone and it was a struggle, but better alone and safe and sane, instead of with someone making you miserable and crazy.

      I am not saying what he did was unforgivable, I am just saying if your gut tells you that you are not going to get past it, you are probably not. The most important thing right now is focusing on you and what you want to do going forward regaurding your current condition. No one can really say what is best for you and what you will be able to handle but you, so spend some time alone with your thoughts.
      Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.


      • Honestly? As an Australian? I don't hear of many people at all on crystal meth.

        But it's a love drug and so those two let their hair down, but deep inside he wants more, he wants the closeness and warmth and love and for what ever silly reason he has gotten on drugs.

        I understand, that if he can't get off of it, and you have the baby the it's going to be tough as he is the father, whether you like it or not and that means he as an Australian has custody as well, 50/50 or weekends or second week...

        This is serious and I am so sorry for you...

        Take time to learn our laws of custody because unless he goes to rehab and recovers in 7 months, what you will find will be binding.



        • Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption or terminating? You need to be VERY honest with yourself at this point. This is a serious situation. It's EXTREMELY unlikely that he will stop using any time soon. Do you really want to bring a child into this situation? There are plenty of people out there who are looking to adopt and last time I checked you still have the right to terminate. If you are willing to put up with it and live like this, that is one thing, but forcing a child to do it is another.


          • There are some things here I don't understand. If the three of you were housemates, how is it that one had the ability to say go and you went? Or did you just sort of drift into it without discussion? He is 31 and still drugging and screwing around - doesn't sound like he is really relationship material. Why if he was using meth did you get pregnant by this man?


            • I'm going through the crystal meth thing with my boyfriend. it does NOT increase sex drive... it is the total opposite... so it may not be crystal meth he is on...


              • Meth users report that after taking the drug they experience a sudden "rush" of pleasure or a prolonged sense of euphoria, as well as increased energy, focus, confidence, sexual prowess and feelings of desirability. I got this article from Frontline. I was a Meth user years ago and I can report personally it does increase your desire for sex, just to set the record straight. What will happen to the person with prolonged use Is they begin to wear down and performance goes in the can along with overall general health issues. It is not necessarily an aphrodisiac.

                Just like with ChristinaAnns' situation, my comments and opinion is, if he's not going to get help, "like right now" then its definitely time to scoot. Along with your trust factor and how you seem to be reacting it doesn't appear it is wise to even give it ago. You know yourself and what you can live with.

                I like sourpuss's suggestion on putting the baby up for adoption I would think in the future you would be happy you did! Good Luck, my heart goes out to you


                • Have you concidered adoption for the child?


                  • Sorry didn't realize it had done that twice....


                    • you need to check the dates on the threads, before posting, i remember this one, its about 6 months old. i think the OP would have sorted out the problem one way or another by now.


                      • he knew exactly what he was doing. he was alone with a woman whom he wassexually familiar with,and taking drugs that increase sex urges. unless his iq is mud,he knew.


                        • Old thread no point posting on it, OP never returned..and subject isn't general rather specific to her.

                          Thread closed.
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!



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