[jazz12]

I am a blk man of in an relationship with a wht woman. we have been having problems and one night the argument got heated. she made a state concerning her ing with stupid niggas is what she said. it offended me deeply because i took it as a racial slur. I dont think the word nigga should be in any wht persons vocabulary because of their carless use of the word in slavery. what jkills me the most is the fact that she felt comfortable saying it to me with no regret. i forgive her but my wife calling me a stupid nigga is not cool

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am a blk man of in an relationship with a wht woman. we have been having problems and one night the argument got heated. she made a state concerning her ing with stupid niggas is what she said. it offended me deeply because i took it as a racial slur. I dont think the word nigga should be in any wht persons vocabulary because of their carless use of the word in slavery. what jkills me the most is the fact that she felt comfortable saying it to me with no regret. i forgive her but my wife calling me a stupid nigga is not cool

You've lost me.

Aren't you being racist yourself with that above comment?

I mean granted she shouldn't make such statements, but then why did you marry a white woman, if you feel so against what happened pertaining to slavery and therefore, this has really upset you? The comment?

CW

[Little]

I think as an Australian you're missing some of the picture, CW. It's a big no-no in American culture (but curiously nowhere else) for a non-black to use "the N word."
I would be halfway up her butt with "excuse me, why do you think you can even say that to me?" I find what she said completely reprehensible, but if you're choosing to forgive her you do need to make sure she understands that it cannot happen again. It's beyond "not cool."

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sucks being an Australian sometimes.. I see your point in that regard.....

Please ignore the comment then jazz... Seems I got the answer there.

CW

[ChelseaRenee]

Do you say the word around her? If you do, that's probably why she said it.

[jazz12]

i have used the word on a few occasions and yes to a point it is my fault. It seems that everyone is missing the point, the word nigga is a racial slur. if you know what the word means it does'nt mean black it means ignorant of some sort.
wrong is wrong she is a grown woman and mother of four with three mix with black and also my wife there is no excuse my friend. racial slur will get you dismissed from any group with class in america thats why we are considered the worlds greatest melting pot. good or bad

[Uneeklyme]

Funny... the "N" word in america can cause so much duress if said by a white person that people have actually been fined and/or jailed for using it. Not to mention beaten severely. Blacks have fought for equality... im a person not a color...so why in the is it so ok for a black person to use the N word? Its always chapped my white that blacks spout equality disregarding color but use color as an excuse for their own poor behavior. Not saying whites or reds or yellows don't do the same thing but the N word topic in america is a pretty big deal. Dont want to be called a (n*g*a) then don't act like one no matter what your color. Just sayin...

Anyway, it doesnt sound like your wife was trying to attack your color she was attacking your attitude when you guys were in a disagreement. Think about it... she called you a name that hurt you...did you call her something not meaning she is one but that she is acting like one in the heat of the moment? She doesnt sound like a racist at all. She sounds more accepting and open minded than most actually.

[Hopeless Dork]

You say she said it with an 'a' on the end.. to me it sounds like she was trying to use the word in the same way rappers, comedians etc do, the way you do on occasion. I don't think she meant it in the slavery racist way. I think she might have felt it okay to say. I've seen some white people that think its okay for them to say the 'a' on the end version of the word because they feel they are so apart of the black community that they have some sort of pass to do it the same way they do it, not in the racist way but in the adjective way, or commeradery way.

It's obviously a mistake for them to think that and is very innappropriate but at the heart is it racist or is them trying to belong? I think its the latter, I think if you told your wife that it hurts you to hear it coming out of her mouth no matter how she means it, she won't do it.

[Ashlee T.]

My best friend, my sister, is a black woman. We grew up together in a "white" town and we've had many discussions about this. She doesn't disagree with me, and acknowledges the double standard.

When you say the N word, it's cool....friendly...aloof. When she says it, it represents slavery to you? Have you ever considered that when you're around white people,it may make them very uncomfortable for you to use that word? It always made me uncomfortable...because of what it represents.

As stated by dictionary.com:
N*gger - "a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc."
- "a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised."

N*gger, Nigga, .........same thing. Maybe it makes you think of slavery, but what it should make you think is no matter who says it, and no matter how they say it, it is negative, and it is wrong. You are not a slave, and your wife is not a slaveholder. Do you want your kids to think its okay to say? Or is it okay for them because they're half black? Or is it wrong for them to say because they're half white?

Get the chip off your shoulder, the double standard......and stop expecting the respect from others that you're not even giving to yourself, to your brothers and to your friends. I don't refer to myself as a b*tch, because I respect myself, and I don't want others to call me that.

Sit down with her, tell her what this word truly means to you......tell her that you've been wrong for using the word and for making the word seem "okay". And tell her from this point forward, you don't want the word used in your home.

[Joy]

The "N' word still has power cause ppl in America keep giving it that power... Beautiful disaster is right... Its a personal slur to any and all not just blacks.

There is a whole generation that is growing up using it cause they hear in the music and they think its main stream and KEWL to use.

As for your wifes usage of the word... she is giving power to the word by using it in anger. That is really true with any words we use in anger.

I understand it hurt your feelings but could it be that your wife sees no difference in your skin tones? If she is more in tune with your culture and heritage than her own she may identify deeper than you think and feels no difference between the two of you.