[sourpuss]

Yes... If he says he has a girlfriend then that will be the end of it. I will close the account and never do it again. If he says he doesn't have a girlfriend, well... I may mess with him a bit and see how far he would actually take this. All the while I will be crushed.

Why would you do that?!

[WildChild]

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, don't play games, just end it.

[ThexMrs]

and when he finds out you played him like that will he be overreacting when he boots you to the curb for doing it?Something that could very well happen even if he doesnt fall for your "cute" girl trap. Why don't you just flat out tell him you know he still has his account, that your not happy about it, and that you would like him to close it.

1) He won't kick me to the curb because if I find out that he is doing this behind my back, he will be getting the boot.

2) There is no "cute" girl trap or act.

3) I asked him to close his account (and if you read everything you would already know this) and he said he would but never did. I said that if we are truly happy together there is no need for the account and he agreed but never closed it.

Why would you do that?!

Because if it's going to end anyways (because of his infidelity) then I want to see just how far he would go to cheat on me. It's a closure thing.

[ThexMrs]

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, don't play games, just end it.

I wish it were that black and white but it's not. There are different levels of trusts and different types of trust.

[Hopeless Dork]

Miss XMrs!!

I understand your need to see if he would be faithful on this distance, but you really can't accurately QA check a human being. There are too many variables, having him reject this girl is no proof of future fidelity, no proof that he would not start conversations with someone else.

In the same vein, if he does talk to her...talking is no proof that he would go beyond flirting. So this test, its really not gonna give you the deep answers you are seeking. It sounds like you are seeking a guarentee of sorts that you will not be hurt by this man.

Relationships just don't come with those, they don't. The perfect and most faithful adoring husband of 20 years can wake up one morning leave for work, never to return, calling their wife to inform them they are just no longer in love and it is over. How can one prepare for heartbreak? You can't. You shouldn't even try.

Sure you can build a wall around your heart and never let anyone near it, but if your heart never gets to experience the joys of loving someone... what is the purpose in protecting it.. so it can collect dust? Thats like keeping a plastic wrap around your living room sofa, saving it for what?

Got to keep it open, of course if someone is actively hurting it, that is different. But to waste energy worrying about what may be... it serves no purpose. Other than making you miserable, and suspicious.. Which leads to mistrust, which leads to a tanked relationship.

Unless he gives you reason to suspect, if he is, talk to him about the things he is doing that is making you uncomfortable (like keeping that account, not noting has a gf, tell him the truth that it makes you feel like hes on the market..) Its likely he hasn't even thought about it that way.

We can't control what decisions someone will make in the future, we just can't. We can't predict them, we can worry ourselves sick with what they may or may not do and try to watch and monitor and test etc.. but why put yourself through that? Let yourself be happy while you are, and save being upset for when you have an actual cause to be. Take a deep breath, and know that no matter what precautions you take - if he is willing to let you go or risk you leaving for someone else, it will happen. He carries the same risks being with you.

Thats what being in love is, a risk, you may get hurt, or you may be constantly suprised by how happy your SO makes you, and how they protect your feelings as though they were glass. Its a gamble, Its always worth it, Enjoy the ride.

[Uneeklyme]

1) He won't kick me to the curb because if I find out that he is doing this behind my back, he will be getting the boot.

2) There is no "cute" girl trap or act.

3) I asked him to close his account (and if you read everything you would already know this) and he said he would but never did. I said that if we are truly happy together there is no need for the account and he agreed but never closed it.



Because if it's going to end anyways (because of his infidelity) then I want to see just how far he would go to cheat on me. It's a closure thing.

Right... and if he doesnt take your bait, is faithful, doesnt take it any further with your made up "cute" (your words) girl= trap (IMO) and you decide he is worth it but he later finds out you did this... karma has a way of getting back... its you on the chopping block. He would be perfectly justified as how can he trust you? Quid pro quo. You want him to love, trust, and respect you but you arent willing to give him the same?

I did read the whole thread. I saw where you asked him to close his account but I didnt read anywhere where you told him how it makes you feel that he has it open. Soooo, communicate... tell him how his having the account makes you feel and ask him to close it. If your this untrusting of him now, maybe you need to evaluate weather you should get into a live in or marriage type of situation with him later.

Closure? maybe. Or a way to feel justified for your behavior. Different levels of trust. Yours is on the lowest level? We shouldnt feel we have to test our love and if we do then something isn't right in the first place. It is what it is, why cant people just be happy with what they have now instead of trying to sabatoge it for later.

[WildChild]

Good points HD!

[mymirrose]

Hopeless, you hit the nail on the head with your last reply. It is easier said than done, but it is really the truth. Thank you for the reminder, I am printing it out and putting it on the wall as a daily reminder!

[ThexMrs]

I will update the full story later. I'm sure you noticed that I haven't been online. (Maybe you haven't) Well, he lied. He said he didn't have a girlfriend. There you go. I'll tell all later.

[mewhenim]

It's called checking behavior and it's a terrible cycle to get into, if you find something you look for more and get hurt, and if you don't find anything, you will still keep looking for stuff. I had a really hard time breaking my cycle of it. This is also was the first time I heard another woman say "I love you" to my husband. So wow, this is really conflicting advice. , I'm a mess, ignore me on this one.