[CuriousInCollege]

Ok, so I've been working part time for almost two years now. I had a crush on a coworker when I first started, but since then it just kind of fizzled out and that was that...

Until this weekend. For some reason, on saturday as we were stuck there all day it was absolutely obvious to the both of us that we had a ridiculously strong sexual attraction going on. It hit like a ton of bricks and was out of my control. On sunday, myself and about half of my coworkers went out to celebrate a birthday. The alcohol was abundant and I was feeling confident...so I approached my coworker and asked him if he wanted to go hook up. He accepted. We proceeded, except were cut short given the venue was the ladies room and he had to make a break for it. Getting caught was absolutely not an option. Both of us really want to finish what we started and work together about twice a week.

Now let me tell you what the problem is...he's engaged and I've had a boyfriend for two and a half years. What should I do

[kms]

hmmm sounds like a confusing emotional mess! Why exactly are you attracted to him? Is it purely physical or are you attracted to his personality as well? Is is something that you want long-term or you just want to hook up and be done with it?

I guess also try to consider all the other people involved in this. Put yourself in his fiance's shoes. How do you think she would feel if she knew that one of his coworkers was after him (since you initiated)? How do you think your boyfriend would feel if he found out? What kind of guy is your coworker if he is so willing to cheat on his fiance?

I recently started feeling really attracted to one of my bf's friends. I felt really miserable and didn't know what to do about it, especially because I felt that it was mutual (but I'm pretty sure his friend wouldn't act on it). Unwittingly one night my bf started complaining about his friend, as he'd just been hanging out with him and was frustrated about something that had happened. Hearing all the negative things about him really helped me wake up and snap out of it. The next time I saw him one of the things I remembered was how he apparently has really bad breath - which definitely made me not feel like making out with him, haha. So my point is, try to find some negative things about him and focus on that if nothing else works!

[CuriousInCollege]

it's definately just physical though. I mean he's a cool guy and I like to talk to him at work, but I'm not interested in anything more. What's annoying is that it's a pure mutual sexual attraction that we both recognize. I know cheating is wrong, I know how terrible it would be if his fiancee and my bf found out about it, but the sexual tension isn't going to go away. Would one and done really be that bad?

[rcoreyus]

I wish that people could accept sexual attraction as just fun, and not care if their mates went and slept (or perhaps in this case didn't exactly "sleep") with someone else. Personally I don't care, it wouldn't bother me if my wife wanted to have a fling with someone else.

BUT (and this is a really really really big BUT).

Most people care a lot. For most people "trusting" their spouse means that they believe their spouse doesn't sleep around. This seems more important than trusting the spouse with money, or even their safety.

Unfortunately for most people "cheating" is a huge deal - a permanent scar on a relationship (read some of the other posts here) . I wish it wasn't that way.

[sassie]

rcoreyus I can't believe that you would say something like this if you were happy in your marriage. This kind of advice is not something I ever thought I would hear from anyone especially a married man. Have you ever thought how you would feel if you wife was in the arms of another man and was loving every minute of being with him vs you?

CuriousInCollege I can tell you from being on the other side of the table as I have been the women who's man looked to someone else for a one time thing, if you do go a head and do it remember you can't take it back. The people you will hurt will never get over it and things are never the same no matter how hard they try. I have been with my husband for 14 years and married for 4 and it's now been 5 months since my husband cheated and I am thinking of leaving him because of it. If I leave it will effect not just my life and his but 4 kids all for just one night of stupid. I don't know if you heart understands how that in one simple act you change things forever but please think about others not just yourself.
Think how would you feel if your boyfriend slept with another women just for the simple fact he was attracted to her would you be cool with that or would you be heart broken?

Everything you do in life has a price sometimes the price is great and no one gets hurt but other times the price is too high and everyone gets hurt.

Make sure you are willing to handle the price that works for you. Good Luck

[rcoreyus]

Sassie - I know I am very unusual, but it really wouldn't bother me to have my wife sleep with another man (or woman), even though she only rarely sleeps with me. I would want her to be happy, and I am loosing nothing by it. (practical concerns of disease, etc aside). She is not my property, and while I would like her to want me more than anyone else, I would never want her to feel that she was somehow constrained to only be with me).

Again, I know that this is an unusual attitude. Since she doesn't share this attitude, I wouldn't sleep around.

I am NOT recommending this to the original poster - just commiserating with her that not everyone feels so possessive of their spouse.

[Fallen1]

This is a duplicate thread. Please post any other responses in the original.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/relationships/13285-workplace-attraction.html