[kaylar]

First off - hi, I'm a newbie here. Second - sorry about the cheater. Here's my 2 cents...

I had been married to a guy for 2 1/2 years and then I found out he was cheating on me. He was an amazing liar and a horrible husband. He treated me like a princess when we were dating and engaged. Once he got me tied down, he used me in every way imaginable.

Believe me when I say this, I can empathize with what you are going though now. You're a tornado of sadness and anger, and you just can't understand how he could betray you like this (especially if he hid it as well as my ex did). I agree with another poster about the trust. He's late - where is he? Who is he with this time? What do his clothes smell like? Is that perfume? You'll be looking for holes in every story he gives you. Now if you are a person who can handle that, or deal with an open marriage (as another poster does), then that is your choice. But I could not deal with that, and if you can't either, trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will find someone else. I did, and he is a fantastic man with morals and seemingly limitless affection and understanding.

Bottom line, if he is unwilling to be honest with you and dedicated to you, then you are wasting your time with him. Give your time to someone who deserves it.

"If another woman steals your man, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."

I adore this post.
It underlines every single aspect.

One of the realities, if you stay with him, you will
spend your life asking questions, where is he? Who is
he with? And making yourself into a stressed out clown.

Or, you simply stop caring.
Stop respecting him, stop caring,
he becomes a three legged dog.

There was a dog who had his front leg crushed and amputated.
He'd bobble around barking like a real dog, but he was just
there because the children loved him. He wasn't a watch dog,
He didn't realise he wasn't the watch dog any more.

(Yes, the other definition of three legged dog also applies)

[katherinejchapman]

Maybe something has been wrong with me from day one of my marriage but I'VE never cared if he cheated. I FELT HAPPY FOR HIM AS LONG AS HE WAS OK WITH IT.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED MORE THAN ONE MAN AS HE IS UNABLE TO MAKE ME HAPPY IN THE BED OR IN MY HEART. HE IS A CONTROL FREAK AND I HATE HIM FOR THAT!
I DO NOT WANT TO BE ATTACHED TO HIM IN MY HEART!
I LOVE ANOTHER MAN AND HAVE FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
WE HAVE STAYED APART FROM EACH OTHER FOR A YEAR AND MY LOVER WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AGAIN? I'M DEBATING IF I WANT TO HAVE A AFFAIR AGAIN OR NOT?
I'M SURE I WIL GET SOME HATE MAIL BUT I DON'T GIVE A !
BECAUSE OF MY COMMITMENT TO OUR AUTISTIC CHILD I STAY MARRIED TO HIM.

[Guest]

what comes around goes around.
karma kicked you big time.
you cheated, and then you got cheated on......
YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN WHAT SO-EVER.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If your heart belonged elsewhere for 20 years, why did you marry this guy?

If, you don't want to give him your heart and soul, take your child with you and be on your own.

If this man you love, is real, why would he want "SEX" from you only? Why wouldn't he stand by you and set you free to be with him?

Seems that your life is one of misery isn't it... Why don't you just get out of it?

This husband is controlling but has affairs , i assume he knows nothing of yours?

We don't give "hate mail" but we will give opinions...

CW

[Guest]

i think its funny how womeone says they cheated and got with someone. oh it was good and they love each other, yadda yadda yadda. but then they got cheated, or left.
and then its the guys fault. and tis thread come should i stay or leave him?
bottom line is this......... you cheated on your guy withh this one. he did the same to you but in a different time. so now you know what your ex felt like when you did it. you deserved it no matter what time he cheated on you.
what did broncosmom write? they have an open marraige..... well i am against that too, but they decided that together and is their business and it workss for them. so if they both agree to that, then their is no cheating because they are ok with that arrangement and it works for them.
but fact remains, those who cheat and then have it done to them, have no reason to complain.......... NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
those who know that the other is in a relationship and tries to take them away from someone, same thing applies..............
whats wrong with people.......... dont they have morals anymore, and self pride for themselves anymore...........
i dont care what the curcumstances are, no reason for cheating....... and to those who do it............. karma will get you one day, just like this thread says happened to the OP.
i have ne sympathy for cheaters, and you deserve what ever happens to a cheater.

might as well feel sorry for the person who killed another just because they wanted to do it for the pleasure, or excitement........... why do you hate the killer, but not the cheater.......... and dont say different story, its the same. cheaters killed the relationship and the persons heart for who they cheated on.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

JWB...

When something is so close to your heart you will tell a story... about thoughts and feelings and opinions.

You are right in this aspect in my "opinion".. There is NO cause for cheating... but yes, you have to have Morals.

Simply, if you are not happy with someone WALK... and then do what you wanted to do, that way you can still let that other person have some dignity.

And, yes, if it is an "open" relationship then that is the way in which that particular relationship has been agreed upon and so, that is between those two people.

I do agree that there is no cause for it, that Kalma will bite you in the butt as you state, so you remember that as well.......

CW

[Guest]

see chandler. i know i have a good head on my shoulders.
i may right or wrong to some but this is what i feel. i will state my opinion and if others agree with me than i know i am not the only one who thinks that way. if some do not agree with me then that is there right to do so and voice their opinion. and they too have the right to voice it. i do not take what they say to me as insults or wrong doings. but if one got dissed and then say the guy is the (insert), then that is wrong.
i stand firm on my beliefs of cheaters and liers. both deserv everything they get in life and have no reason to complain, gripe, moan, or anything about the outcome that they get.
you know little of my story, and i would love to tell you the whole thing. but it doesnt change anything, it isnt going to make things better, or get what i would like to have. it just doesnt.
i have said to people when we meet and they ask how are you? i tell them what i feel. if i am having a good day i will say so. if i am having a bad day i say i can complain but will it change anything, no. its that simple. i say things straight forward, i do not beat around bush. i tell the truth. the only lie i would ever tell is the one that is for a good reason. and that would be if i planned something for who i date and they have an idea of it and ask if i planned something, i will say no. like a b-day party for example. i want it to be a surprise. so that is the lie that can be told and is harmless. 99% of anything else that is told to someone untruthful, is a lie and is not good.
i had never lied to a child either. when i dated this woman who had 2 children, the one loved me very much. she was 8 and i had to put her to bed and tell her a bedtime story everytime i was there. she asked me one day if i was going to marry her mother. i told her i would like to but that is also your moms decision. she asked if i liked her or loved her? i said both. she asked why? i said i like you because you are a very important person to me for what we know of each other, and i love you for the time i know of you and you are a part of your mother, which makes you specail and that is a reason for my love of her. and this was a child. after we broke up i seen her about 2 years later in the store near my house. she came running to me and i didnt even reconize her because she grew up in those 2 years. she ran to me and hugged me and started to cry. i actually had a few tears myself and had to turn away. she wasnt with her mom but her aunt. we said hello to each other and then i told her that she had to go back with her aunt and maybe someday we'll run into each other again. this was about 8 years ago and we hadnt seen each other since, but i did not lie to her, i said maybe someday. so far that day hadnt happened yet but it can.

i understand you agree with what i said about cheaters. i still stand firm............ no reason at all......... get out of it because if you love someone you will not cheat and if a sitsuation does come around, you will turn your head & leave that sitsuation.

what is one thing that grownups try to tell there kids? and the law also tries to do the same. if you are in a sitsuaton and heve to fight, fight to defend yourself, but dont or try not to have the fight at all, turn away and walk. am i correct? so the same goers with cheating, turn away and walk.

now to understand this more. lets say for example you and me met. and if we got along great and hung out and everything. had alot of fun, both are attracted to each other and we do nothing but laugh and enjoy each other company. but one of us was dating someone else. if it was me who was already in a relatiionship, no matter what you did or said or acted, i would not cheat on her. or if you were daing someone and i liked you more that way, knowing your involved i would not cross that line. or let you cross it either. that is respect for both, myself and you and your guy.
people do not have the respect they should.
now if it was something i couldnt hide, or tell myself i have to be with you............ as hard as it would be, i would tell my girlfriend i found another. i would be honest and even if i hurt her i was honest with her. i opnly broke her heart for leaving, not cheating or lieing.
now does that make sence? and remember chandler, you were the example in that. so please do not take offense.............. all good?