[Iseulda]

I'd be grateful if you good people would help me sanity check something.

I'm in a long-distance relationship, we've decided to be monogamous and I completely trust my man - that's all cool.

Recently he's been invited to a family wedding with a 'plus one' and is talking about bringing a female friend along. Now I know he's not .....her, or planning to, or anything close but I still feel a little odd about him bringing a woman who isn't me to a family wedding. I've met some of his family, they know I exist, but I can't help but think they are all going to think of her as his 'date' - and I don't like that.

I've said that to him, in the same breath reassuring him that I trust him and I know there's nothing to worry about vis-a-vis him and her - I didn't pose it as a question or anything, I just let him know how I felt.

Do you guys think I'm being a bit weird worrying about how his family may perceive her? If your boyfriend/husband had a family event to go to and you couldn't, for whatever reason, be the 'plus one' would you be OK with him bringing along another woman as his guest? Men, would you be OK with your girlfriend / wife bringing another man?

[golden_nemesis]

I don't think your sanity is questionable. I definitely understand where you're coming from, how you're feeling. I would not feel totally comfortable with a female +1 who isn't me. I'd feel pretty replaced. I think it would be more appropriate to go stag, or to take a male friend.

The only major exception I can think of would be if the family had known the girl for a long time, ie a childhood friend. But in that case, she would probably have gotten her own invite, so its hard to say.

That being said, I don't think you should push the matter too much. You told him how you felt, and from here he has to make the decision. It doesn't sound like you are pressuring him about it, so that's healthiest I think. If he does decide to take her, well, that's not the preferable outcome, but I think I could live with it in the long run.

[Hopeless Dork]

I fail to see why he can't be confident enough to show up solo, when ppl say ohhh your alone.. he can add sweetly that his lovely gf is out of town and could not join. That or bring along a buddy that would enjoy some free food and drink. Its obvious that you trust him, so its not about that. I think he needs to be comfortable flying solo while you guys are apart as events like these are likely to come up and everytime he needs arm candy just to have someone next to him at the table its going to stir up these exact feelings.

If he feels he needs to bring a female, he could ask his grandma, an aunt something sweet and cute to be his date. Or like the above poster mentioned - a family friend. I think him bringing some outsider co-worker, neighbor, anything like that is going to lead to some resentment on your part. Not that he would cheat, but that someone else is out on his arm doing what you wish you could be doing.

I don't think its wrong of you to be honest in whats at the heart of it, not your trust, but your missing him and wishing it could be you at the event.

If its a rare occurance, however, I can see bending for him and allowing some minor discomfort for yourself while giving the nod of okay to him bringing a platonic date. Its a give and take in these things.

[Guest]

I wouldn't worry about what his family would think. You can't make everyone happy. As long as you both are ok with it, that's all it matters.

[Guest]

hey

what you are feeling is definitely normal. you are the girlfriend and in the first place, your boyfriend's family know you so it would be very uncomfortable if he brings another girl in a family event. It was a very good thing that you really confronted your bf on what you really feel. Is it really necessary to bring a "plus-one"??duh..i dont think so

[Debra]

I dated my husband for a long time before getting hitched and it was all long distance. I know where you're coming from. There were a lot of functions that we attended where it would have been nice to have each other as our dates, but for some reason or another one of us could not attend. It was common for us to bring other people as our date. We normally chose people that were 'just friends' and nothing more. They were usually the opposite sex.

I'm not stating that you're overreacting because that's how I felt the first time we did something like that. You do feel replaced and a bit of you fantasizes about him possibly cheating. The whole issue at hand is trust and whether you trust him or not. If you fully trust him then him bringing another woman to the wedding shouldn't matter. He is simply bringing her so he doesn't feel like the 3rd wheel at a 2 wheel party, get my drift?

I realize my view is different from others mentioned, but that's what makes the world go round!! I just wanted to reply because I know what you're going through. We survived and we're happily married!!! So, cheer up, it sounds like either way, it will be ok.

[WildChild]

I saw a stat the other day that in 1 out of 8 marriages now the relationship started online. We still haven't really got a structure of expectations for this yet. Guess each couple has to work out what is comfortable for them.

[Iseulda]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I don't feel like I was being daft now.

Debra - it really isn't about trust - my bf is friends with this woman, they go out for drinks together (alone or in a crowd) and often lunch together (again alone or in company). There's nothing going on and I don't have the slightest concern about them socialising together. She's in an LTR too and even if she wasn't I'd still be cool with it because I trust him. The issue for me was him having a date (albeit a platonic one) at a family event. I think it is great that you and husband were OK with that and I appreciate another poster's point that I shouldn't mind what his family think - but I do.

Anyway - just to let you all know he's decided to go to the wedding without a guest. He said nothing was more important than me and if I was even just a bit uncomfortable with it then he wasn't going to do it.

And yes, Hopeless Dork, I agree that it's not a big deal in the greater scheme of things and I could put up with it and I told him that, too. The nicest thing was that this was never an argument - that's one of the things I like best about this relationship - we so rarely have cross words. We have words, and differing opinions, but they are very seldom cross.