[vics68]

I was in a relationship for 2 years and since the moment we met were the "perfect" couple. He drummed it into me that we'd always be together and made me promise i'd never leave etc. We were in love and planned our lives together however it was all when he got a job and learned to drive which i already had. We argued but nothing major about these issues. One day everything was fine and then suddenly we were over. For the next week he told me he still loved me etc still fancied me but was messed up. Then it was just point blank didnt want me and he got with a teen mum. (he's 20).

I feel so betrayed and i'm not sure how to cope. Everything reminds me and my heart just suddenly aches. One minute i'm fine and the next i don't know what to do with myself. I can't understand how he can jst forget me and "us" like that.
It's been about a month and i try to balance going out with friends and spending alone time and family time. But whichever i do, i miss him.

I would like any advice any to speak to anyone who has had soemthing similar happen.
x vicky

[Hopeless Dork]

Hi Vics sorry you are having to go through this right now. Everyone has been through heartache at some point in their life and know that there really are no words that are going to make the pain go away, only time can do that. So the key is trying to pass the time to get yourself to the point it isn't so raw in your heart anymore.

It is so unfair the way some people choose to end relationships. He picked the most cowardly way possible.. and that is deciding to find someone else, wait until that thing was locked up --- THEN telling you its over, boom, just like that. Giving you no chance at trying work on the relationship , or to build up to its closure.

It's like he's known he was going to break up for a while now, sometimes when a persons unhappy they will start showing signs, pulling away, changing. You can see an end coming. Others hide those things and wait until they have something else to fall back on and just bounce from one heart to another.

That is really the worst. Many times, especially guys, are affraid to talk about being unhappy so instead they start acting like a jerk so that YOU will end the relationship and they don't have to. While that is a total douche move, to me even that is better than the just up and dissapearing one day move that your ex pulled.

He sounds insecure and troubled. He picked himself a teen mom? So not only did he find a girl a bit more on the naive side since she is younger, but also one that is in a position to need him a lot more than she would otherwise if she wasn't pregnant. Sounds like he's got some issues there and I think him leaving probably saved you from investing more of yourself into him.

You are young, and even when your older - relationships, being a part of someones life is an experience. At least that is how I like to view it. It is not always about the finish line or how long you ultimately end up together, but the joys and moments that made you smile along the way. No one wants to have to say goodbye to someone they love, and losing a boyfriend/husband is much like having them pass away, because they are just gone.

So there is a grieving process that you are experience and going to experience and that is just that. You WILL get to a point that you accept that he no longer wanted to be with you, and you will move on with your life... in the end finding happiness with yourself and someone who will suit you in ways you will be greatful this relationship ended so that you were open to finding the real deal.

But of course.. that matters not right now since right now since your head is still spinning from how quickly everything fell apart and likely analyzing everything you ever did trying to find out where YOU went wrong. Please don't do that. Sometimes peoples feeling just change and we have no control over anyones feelings but our own. If he was no longer into the relationship , there is nothing you could have done to make him stay and would just tear yourself apart trying.

Take this time to focus on your needs. Time needs to pass, and watching a clock laying around your house thinking of the good times with this guy is going to make time move at a collasal pace. Get up, get out there and go for a walk. Start an exercise program, working out releases endorphins and will help you to physically and emtionally feel better from the inside out. Read a book, play a new video game, take a new course on something you've always wanted to learn. Try to embrace the shove into a new direction that you've been given and see it as an opportunity rather than a failure.

[styleid]

Hi vics68,
First of all I am new to the the forum and I feel this is a great place for us [women] to come and share our issues.
I am sorry that you are going through this but unfortunately its part of the lives of most of us. TIME WILL HEAL....... I know you hear it a lot and at this point it may mean nothing to you but in the future it will make sense.
You did nothing wrong; some relations end in a 'proper' way and some others leave us confused and humiliated, either way, when you love somebody it hurts the same.
One day you will understand that you deserved better and that the way he decided to end your relation speaks about him and (and how coward he is) NOT about you.
Use him as an example of what you don't deserve. There are still lots of wonderful men out there.
Feel better....

[vics68]

Thankyou so much for these they've made me feel better. It's difficult knowing he's with her. I bumped into them and they both looked terrible which was a small victory but still hurt my heart. I need to learn that the things he drummed in aren't true e.g being the one and all that. I am spending alot of time out and even have new friends. But also spending time with family. I came onto forums like this because I felt so alone in this situation. thankyou so much. x

[WildChild]

You are young but no matter what your age it hurts. As you get older you still hurt but you have more perspective. The old saying that time heals really is true. Right now it might feel like your world is torn apart but the day will come you will look back on this and see that there were signs of trouble and that you are better off moving on.

When I was about the age I guess you to be I was very much in love with a young man. When he ended the relationship I was devistated, cried for a couple weeks, lost my appetite, was simply desolate. I'd had boyfreinds and been in and out of relationships without much pain. This just turned my world upside down. I threw out pictures scrapbooks and diaries. You know I look back at that now and realize that the relationship wasn't that good. He actually was rather controlling.

I got over it and moved on and you will too. Take some time to grieve. A relationship ending is a kind of death. But don't grieve too long, get out with friends, do something new, stay busy even if you're crying. You'll find that gradually it hurts less and one day maybe sooner than you think you'll wake up one morning and realize you are happy and you'll rediscover your joy. It doesn't come from a man, it comes from deep inside you.

[happy ending]

i'm sorry this has happened to you, but cant really add to the excellent advice already given. take care of yourself.

[Seeker]

Dear lonely heart .....

I can relate to you on various different levels, I'm in the same situation myself only my relationship is 5+ years, it's not completely over, he didn't promise me the moon and we are going through the motions of seperation. Interesting to read about the different ways they leave you? I have been on an emotional rollercoaster myself this week and whilst arguing he would keep saying, and you're still with me, or your still here virtually at the end of every sentence and it was then i realized he was getting at something, I think he wanted me to end it to ease his conscience or something. He's also a very self centered person and I finally realized that hes very good at meeting his needs and mine go unmet. As a resolve I have decided to plan my life without him as I don't think he really wants to be here, I caught him out the computer researching local single women and chat rooms and the warning bells went off, he says there was nothing in it, was just him being stupid, but I'm thinking hes looking for someone new or thinks the grass is greener somewhere else... maybe for him it is? I didn't realize tills just now as tears well up in my eyes my mother used to have this plaque on the wall that read..

If you love something
Let it go
If it comes back
It is yours
If it doesn't
It never was.....

Thing is, If it comes back, I don't think I want it. The good thing about making plans for what I want is it also defines what a don't, and I'm actually starting to see that for all my good attributes I actually deserve better and I deserve to be happy. I'm just glad I'm finding out now rather than later, 5 years seems like a long time in my young life and I'm just peeved I won't get that time back.

I do recommend you do some soul searching and find out what you want for yourself, its very self empowering. All power to you and goodluck!