[caterpillar79]

more power to you cp79.

the time you spend alone will probably be the most productive time in dealing with relationships which is ironic. everyone things that if you have a lot of experience with relationships you are good at them.

but quite the opposite. its the relationship you build with yourself when alone that makes you better when you are in one. being in a relationship when you are still working on yourself brings a lot of unhealthy reliance on the "relationship". its almost like you need someone to fill the void.

cherish the time when you are alone as when you are in a good relationship you will look back and be grateful.

this has no bearing on where you are now in your relationship but just general food for thought.

This was the thread that started my WH career! Woohoo!

Looking back, I can see how much he and I have grown. We tried to grow on our own, but we realized that our growth becomes rather stunted when apart. On the contrary, we develop well when doing so together. this doesn't mean we have to be joined-at-the-hip! It just means we are together, sharing the experiences, whether physically together or just in spirit. Having each other is the best experience ever.

We have made it a point to pursue our personal growth, and not rely on each other dependently to do it, otherwise, we'll fall back into co-dependency. Interdependency means we commit to pursuing our own growth individually, and then sharing it with each other - have something to share and bring to the table to nourish the relationship and lift each other up.

[caterpillar79]

I have been thinking lately. How can I "detect" the early signs of co-dependency. Whether or not the other person involved is non-alcoholic, no vices to deal with. For example, emotional co-dependency? I have seen people who use up all the emotional resource that the other has, until it depletes. It is hard to catch onset, but once we know the danger signs, we can back off and be able to address it early on, right? But how?

[Guest]

sounds like you are taking a mature and rational approach

Agree.

That certainly is a good way to go about things.

I wish you both the best.

[happy ending]

I have been thinking lately. How can I "detect" the early signs of co-dependency. Whether or not the other person involved is non-alcoholic, no vices to deal with. For example, emotional co-dependency? I have seen people who use up all the emotional resource that the other has, until it depletes. It is hard to catch onset, but once we know the danger signs, we can back off and be able to address it early on, right? But how?

i think the earliest sign is resentment, in the person doing the giving. the person who takes has a feeling of entitlment. i can remember getting my idiot ex out of so many problems and he never said or indicated gratitute when i asked him about it, he seemed to feel that it was my responsibiltiy to save him from dealing with his responsibilities. it creates resentment, anger and an erosion of positive feelings!!