[amaranthine]

About three or four months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of about three years. He lived about two hours away, was depressed constantly, and could be emotionally abusive.
So I broke up with him for a guy I met at college. We've been dating for about two months now.

But my ex is acting really weird. At first he was depressed and all, then he said he was accepting of it, and now he just wants to talk to me constantly. I keep telling him he has no chance. I'm very happy with my new boyfriend, and even if that wasn't the case, the relationship I had with my old boyfriend was awful - long distance, depressed, emotionally abusive, anger management issues, etc.

My ex talks to me on AIM (because I stopped answering my phone when he calls) every chance he gets. He talks about seeing me over the summer, hanging out, blah blah blah, when I say I'm not interested, and that it would make the new boyfriend uncomfortable.
So then he goes on a rant about how I'm letting my new boyfriend "choose my friends" and that's wrong, and blah blah blah, but he isn't "choosing" anything for me.

Why won't my ex just leave me alone?

[Hopeless Dork]

He is having trouble letting go and I think you did the right thing not taking his calls anymore. I can understand still trying to at least be there for him on messenger since he is so depressed. Even though you have a boyfriend, that hasn't put him off. Don't feel like you owe him anything, if you wanted to, you could sever all ties immediately and get a restraining order if he kept persuing... but that doesn't sound like what you want to do.

And I really don't blame you, it seems you want to keep the peace as best you can and keep him from hurting in a depressed state but at the same time let you move on. You could try to be a lot more distant and business like in your responses to him on messenger. If you are funny and sweet and interesting on there it might be keeping him in that zone of wishing you were his. Not saying be mean... but just short and to the point, robotic even, boring.

Not sure if that will help but if he is still being rewarded in someway through your conversations he's going to still seek them out, but if you are distant and such maybe he will start to emotionally detach enough to understand, see the big picture that you guys are no longer going to be together, not ever.

[amaranthine]

I try to keep things short, but I guess not short enough. I'll try one-word answers from now on. Thanks for your input!

[WildChild]

Unless you want this drag on for months, just quit answering. Tell him you don't think this is healthy and that while you wish him nothing but good, you will not be answering anymore. He may kick but he isn't letting go and moving on and he needs to. You don't need this interference. He is being manipulative and you can expect him to get angry when he doesn't get his way. I suspect that if you don't cut him off you will be dealing with him for a long time.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I agree with Wildchild.

He has an obsessive nature.. He has accepted your not with him, only because he has convinced himself that he can have you in a different way, friendship and then he controls that as he did when you were in a relationship, with emotional abuse, claiming that your new boyfriend choses your friends, he is obsessive.

In the back of his mind, more than likely, he figgers he can win you back so, why not continue down this path.

Cut all ties and just say, I don't believe we can be friends and so therefore, I am sorry but I won't be answering you anymore... It's time to move on, I'm happy.

CW

[kms]

Agreed, I think you should cut him off completely as well. I think HD made an excellent point that he is still being rewarded in some way through the reduced interaction he has with you, and as CW said, he probably believes he can win you back at some point and is still holding on to the idea that you belong to him. He is definitely being controlling, even from his limited involvement in your life, as he's got you worried, upset and confused! Solve the problem for both of you and cut it off completely. It seems he won't move on until you're completely gone. Only then will he realize the reality that you are truly, completely gone and out of reach.

[amaranthine]

This is going to be easier said than done, but I can see where you're all coming from...
Thanks for the advice!