[MummyL]

Ladies,

I trust you will help me with this. I have been living with my steady partner for almost 6yrs and planning to get married next year(if he is not just trying to make me feel better by this promise). We have no kids together, i have a son from previous relationship and cannot afford to have another child untill married, he also have one from previous relationship. Mine is 6yrs, he was only few months old when i met my partner, and his son is 8. i have a very good relationship with his son, i treat both kids the very same way, he is even calling me mommy, and that doesn't come cheap, i think i have earned that respect from him. So, my problems/concerns are:-

1. My partner doesn't seem to care much about my son, but he doesn't do bad things to him, maybe i'm expecting too much too soon because the kids started living with us only this year. Please advice.
2. His son is seeing his mother some of the weekends, sometimes after a month. The mother stays only 30 kilometers from us, she comes fetch the child(not at the house) or dad drops him off there if need be. I sometimes feel bit jealous because my son's real father is not involved even financially, but i'm used to that. My partner's ex (the mom) has also moved on, which is a bonus to me, she is also staying with her steady partner but no kids with him yet. Tell me ladies...is it necessary for me to feel jealous? their history is very bad in a way that there is no sign or hope for them to be together again.

MummyL

[desperate for help]

i am a male but i will give you good advise because you have almost described my house to a t 1st off the ex is the ex never mind her after that much time together with you there should be no worries at all.

when it comes to your son i only have advise my house is a disaster and about to come crumbling down.my problem was that her son was and still is out of control and very badly mannered.now every time i tried to straighten problems out i was getting in trouble for being to harshe or expecting to much (and no i do not hit kids)grounding or taking items away for punishment i find works well.however because of this her son new and used this to his total advantage and has caused huge distance in our relationship.my opinion is if he will not do as i ask and i can not discepline him without paying the price myself then why would i take him places that i have to go.so make sure you dont do that also mention to your partner how you fell about what is going on and do it now dont wait and 8 months from now bring it up because damage will already be done. good luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Maybe your jealousy stems from something else not the ex-wife, but because:

1. You say that your fiancee doesn't treat your son the same way, yet, he's had him since he was an infant.

2. The Father of your child has no contact/or financial support offered never has

3. You aren't really sure if your getting married, or this guy is just saying that, to keep the peace.

4. Meanwhile, he continues to take his son to his ex-wifes place, they remain in contact.

5. You can't afford a child "together", until married.. What changes then? How will he act to his child with you and your first child thereafter once you've had one together?

It sounds like you've put 6 years of effort into a "family", but he hasn't and your jealousy to me stems more from the way you feel and the way your family is treated you and your son, verses the way he treats his son and his ex-family (ex-wife)..

You sure that this is the man you want to Marry?

CW

[MummyL]

Thank you guys, I really love this man and i can see he also loves me. He hasn't done anything bad to me or my son, just those concerns, but i think he is still trying to get used the idea of living with both kids, they have only been with us for 5 months. I'm not concerned much about ex, yes he drops the kid to his mom's place but he is not even allowed to get inside the mom's complex (place), he drops him at the street, remember the ex is staying with her partner as well. However, Jealousy is not the same as before, it is fading away as time goes on because this situation is normal and we cannot ignore, there is no way he cannot speak to the ex because the child is staying with us and also visits his mom. This man is almost everything i needed. The most important thing that makes me not to worry a lot is that our relationship is not affected by any of these. He is still the person i met five years ago.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well 5 months isn't long, "it's an adjustment" and your probably both just adjusting to the situation...

Can I ask, you say "they have only been with us for 5 months", does this mean that your son wasn't living with you before either, whilst you two have been together for 5, 6 years?

If so, that is an adjustment, as he has basically been single doing what he/you both want and now it's a "family" persay and it takes time.

CW

[MummyL]

Thank you Chand. Yes, my son was staying with my mom at home ever since birth, and his son was also staying at his moms home(with granny). I guess you are right, i am also adjusting to this situation. Not a bad situation though.

If there is somebody else living with step child(ren) or living with his/her kid from previous relationship, please lets share those ups and downs, how to treat them...anything will be much appreciated.