[Mommy2Eryn&DJ]

I just want to some input from people looking outside in…I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, we have known eachother since HS and he was around and gave me his friendship for the whole 5 years that I was with my ex (father of my kids and had a very bad relationship..constant cheating on both parts –on mine because I was tryin to get back at him. I snooped like a maniac.just very immature) anyway fast forward..I have grown very insecure from my old unstable relationship and I think I am draggin it in now..I have never HEARD that my boyfriend CHEATED ON ME..I have heard rumors about him talking other girls BUT I should say I went to look for the rumors myself they were never told to me, I once pretented to be some1 else and I said hey to a girl online and she asked the person I was pretending to be about my and my guy and then shes like “oh how long have they been together, blah blah..he still talk to me we’ve been friends since such and such” it was clear she was doing it so it could get back to me but she never said anything like hes sleepin with me or anything well I accused my boyfriend and told him that some1 told me about it and we fought, he told me he hasn’t seen her for over a year (shes been pregg the whole time when she said this) well the 2nd time, I had found a text in his phone he told me one of his friends sent it, I had to text the girl and she confirmed it that she had a bf and there was nothing goin on..
well I wasn’t satisfied this haunted me for 2 months before I was able to talk to one of the girls friends and have her ask her for sure if she had something with my guy she once again said no , but said that whenever she had seen him he was tryin to talk to her cousin(but she never said when this was a year ago 2years etc..shes not from our town so anything is possible) so once again this time I confronted him but I did it like 2 or 3 weeks after I was told about it and I did it on a day when we were having a really good day, chatting laughin having fun and out of the blue I bring it up..and hes like”do you believe that?” and then he got angry and said IM NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN TODAY I DON’T HAVE TIME, I know what I do and don’t do so im not gonna let this ruin my mood blah blah “….

I have to say that a few days before I had written him a long email telling him how I felt about him how much I loved him but I also told him that if he ever cheated we would be over blah blah…and he told he that he knew how I felt and that I know he how he feels about me and all that good stuff…well a few months back I had also confessed to him about my fear of being cheated on and he said “baby,you cant live in fear of what might happen..” I constantly have to know everything that is going on with him…if one day things aren’t as good as the day before I start worryin Is he seeing some1…I come from a background of my father cheatin on my mom for 15years so im paranoid..and I mean rally paranoid..im afraind im pushin him away..or that I will with my accusations…once again, rumors I told him I heard, I never heard….never I looked for them…but not1 was it said yea they sleepin around blah!…mind you we live together…we do double dates with his friend, I attend all his music events with him(hes into music) all the family vacations…..we plan a future together..but idk whats wrong with me…

[golden_nemesis]

It seems to me that you know in your heart he is not being unfaithful, but the part of you that has suffered through a childhood and marriage full of cheating is getting the best of you.

Honestly, there is not much we can say right now to help you. You know that snooping is immature and damaging to the relationship. You don't even have a reason to suspect him from what I can tell.

I think it would be best for you to get a therapist. Dealing with these sorts of issues is what they have been trained to do.

[WildChild]

If there is no trust, there is nothing to build a relationship on. Golden is right, get some help and stop dragging it around.

[Guest]

The other thing is, before you can love someone, you have to love yourself.

You have issues you need to deal with before you can start making commitments.

Good luck.

[Mommy2Eryn&DJ]

came from a family where my father cheated the whole 17years him and my mother were together, with all kinds of people got someone preggo(the result of my half sister who is a year younger than me). I never got to experience all of it because I was so little but my sister whom was old enough to understand lived it all! I was only told when I got older and NOW I'm HAUNTED by the BIG UGLY CHEATING MONSTER...every SINGLE man in my DADS family has cheated, has had children with other people...some are still cheating til this day.. my dads actions have created something inside of me that I cant understand..in every relationship (some of you know may have read my recent thread) Im insecure, I think theyre cheating..I snoop..I become obssesd with knowing about what they might be capable of doing even before they do it..I have to be one step ahead..and I end up hurting alot of the times.I cant maintain a healthy relationship as soon as things start to look good..I have to bring up something that I found that could very well mean nothing but I have to know why its there and Im beginning to think I like the fights and comfrontations just to be reassured that IM NOT BEING CHEATED ON OR IM THE ONE THEY WANT..I really should be seeking help because gosh I am damaged and I KNOW IT!!!


I have to add that one that i do remember experience that haunts me til this day is probably a big part of my fear (i was daddys baby, and I put him on a pedestal when little)

I remember coming home cryin because one of my play mates told me that she seen my daddy kissing some other woman outside of her house...and I remember coming home and telling my mom and my mother made me ask my dad about it and he sat me on his lap and he LIED to my face and told me that wasnt possible...and well as you figure, as I got older I learned that it was completely true and I guess its embedded in my brain that if HE my dad(whom actually turned his ways at the age of 40 and married some1 whom hes COMMITTED TO..guess he finally learned after mom left) ANYBODY can let me down...and thats my issue and I cant get over it..its really sad

[golden_nemesis]

I will say this again: find a therapist.

He or she will be able to help you work through your past and work toward a better, happier future. This is not something you can tackle on your own.