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Loosing hope in men?

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  • Loosing hope in men?

    Over the years I've grown more and more disgusted towards men. Their testosterone driven selves really turn me off. It doesn't help that I am in the military so I see the worst side of it. I was on verge of giving up on men altogether-they all seemed to have the same traits even the ones that are really sweet and nice. I've always had good luck finding the gems amungst coal when it comes to men. I found one now I never want to let go, he is faithful, honest, and loves a way I've never known anyone to-male or female. We have lasted through an entire year being seperated with no communication what so ever, 2 deployments between the both of us. So I know what I have is very special and don't want to throw it away. I've just been very confused because even him the "perfect guy" still has those typical "male" traits. He is honest about them, whereas most men hide them. Most men don't want to admit to their girlfriends how men really are. But for me, since I'm surrounded by them 24/7 I know how they are so nothing can really be hidden from me anyways. I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time, I'm afraid it is going to come between me and my very serious boyfriend. He knows that I might be a drunken bisexual....but what he might not realize is that I've acted that way sober too. I'm really afraid that my disgust with any type of "male trait" is goin to make me ruin what is a beautiful thing. He always tells me how he appreciates my love so much and how no one has ever cared about him or treated him the way I did and how he wants to be with me forever. Everyone that meets him tells me he's a keeper and I know and realize this...he is unlike any man, or person for that matter that I have ever met. That is why I'm so afraid this sexuality thing is ruining what I have. Right now I'm up with insomnia when I should be enjoying the time I can be cuddling with him, since this is the only week this entire year I have been able to see him and I wont be able to see him for another year because I am gettin deployed again. I'm not sure what advice I'm lookin for right now, I guess just reassurement from other women how they deal with how men are.

  • Aside from a man driving me nuts in a relationship-I enjoy male energy. Of course I'm not living in a sea of it...
    I'm unclear as to your specific concerns here. Is it that he won't accept your bi-sexuality? Are you adverse to the idea of sex with him? What are these "male traits" you object too?

    Comment


    • well hun .. i don't know what to tell you .. but this is men this is who they are this is how god created them u know!! ande yes i do agree with u some men are just nasty u know .. but hey try to look at it from the bright side some of men we do actually get turn on by them ..
      "Nothing is impossible, if your heart is willing" ☺ ..

      Comment


      • Originally posted by AdrenalinJunkie View Post
        I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time, I'm afraid it is going to come between me and my very serious boyfriend. He knows that I might be a drunken bisexual....but what he might not realize is that I've acted that way sober too. I'm really afraid that my disgust with any type of "male trait" is goin to make me ruin what is a beautiful thing.
        what would happen if you told him that you've done things with women when sober? perhaps he would be fine with it? it doesn't have to come between you? he may even find it a turn on?

        Originally posted by AdrenalinJunkie View Post
        I'm not sure what advice I'm lookin for right now, I guess just reassurement from other women how they deal with how men are.
        i personally don't find that u can generalise and group all 'men' as having the same traits, no more so than you can say that every woman has the same 'bad' or 'good' characteristics.. each man is an individual and i think they all act differently.. so if you have problems with how your boyfriend is acting then it may be a specific problem with him? rather than with all men in general? equally, i think you could hypothetically date a woman and find a woman who had the same 'good'/'bad' characteristics as a man...
        "Life’s a game but its not fair
        I break the rules so I don’t care
        So I keep doing my own thing
        Walking tall against the rain
        Victory’s within the mile
        Almost there don’t give up now"

        Comment


        • Originally posted by AdrenalinJunkie View Post
          Over the years I've grown more and more disgusted towards men. Their testosterone driven selves really turn me off. It doesn't help that I am in the military so I see the worst side of it. I was on verge of giving up on men altogether-they all seemed to have the same traits even the ones that are really sweet and nice. I've always had good luck finding the gems amungst coal when it comes to men. I found one now I never want to let go, he is faithful, honest, and loves a way I've never known anyone to-male or female. We have lasted through an entire year being seperated with no communication what so ever, 2 deployments between the both of us. So I know what I have is very special and don't want to throw it away. I've just been very confused because even him the "perfect guy" still has those typical "male" traits. He is honest about them, whereas most men hide them. Most men don't want to admit to their girlfriends how men really are. But for me, since I'm surrounded by them 24/7 I know how they are so nothing can really be hidden from me anyways. I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time, I'm afraid it is going to come between me and my very serious boyfriend. He knows that I might be a drunken bisexual....but what he might not realize is that I've acted that way sober too. I'm really afraid that my disgust with any type of "male trait" is goin to make me ruin what is a beautiful thing. He always tells me how he appreciates my love so much and how no one has ever cared about him or treated him the way I did and how he wants to be with me forever. Everyone that meets him tells me he's a keeper and I know and realize this...he is unlike any man, or person for that matter that I have ever met. That is why I'm so afraid this sexuality thing is ruining what I have. Right now I'm up with insomnia when I should be enjoying the time I can be cuddling with him, since this is the only week this entire year I have been able to see him and I wont be able to see him for another year because I am gettin deployed again. I'm not sure what advice I'm lookin for right now, I guess just reassurement from other women how they deal with how men are.
          If you've always had good luck finding "gems" amongst coal, why are you so bitter?

          Have you ever thought - The men you attract and associate with are a direct reflection of your character.

          Accept some responsibility here. You're either looking in the wrong places or hanging with the wrong men.

          RE:Testosterone - the sex hormone that is found in BOTH males and females. **Also** the hormone that drives lust, attraction and gives males the desire to protect.

          Are you frustrated with men, or are you frustrated with your sexuality? And since you seem to hold men to such rigid standards - don't you think it would be prudent for you to tell your loving B/F about your bisexuality?

          Just some thoughts.

          Comment


          • hun, as women we much except that men will most likely put us through the ringer and jsut annoy the heck out of us. I have an amazing guy aswell but theres days when I just wanna choke him. You have to except him for who he is. If you have a man that loves you that much then let the little things go. People think a relationship that is perfect should be without any flaws. thats why many are fooled in the long run and go on searching for something that doesn't excist. Bottom line is you do things that irritate him and he does things that irritate you. At the end of the day you love each other and thats all that matters. think of it this way, women complain about things men do but men complain about not being able to figure women out. Just love him and hey I'm sure if he loves you, he'll except the bisexual thing but if you are committed you wont mess around with anyone (men or women) while with him so it shouldn't matter
            Krystal

            Comment


            • You mention the big issue being that you think your sexuality and interest in females may be what is the demise of your relationship.

              You also mention not knowing if you can get past his "male traits".

              It would help a lot to be able to offer advice and support if we knew which male traits you are struggling with... and how they tie into your sexuality feelings that you are worried about (if at all).
              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

              Comment


              • What type of male traits are you referring to? To echo HD, perhaps a little more insight on what it is towards men and their traits that bothers you may help people dole out thorough advice and support...
                The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

                Comment


                • I'd have to ask the same as everybody else. What male traits are we talking about here?

                  I also agree with WC, a man's energy is something! It's infectious. I love it (well most of the time anyways). But I work a lot better with men than women, I have more men friends than women. I love the girlfriend's I have, but I think men are just easier to work with, not to mention manage.

                  Don't lose hope yet, I think you need to elaborate a little more on your concerns though.

                  Comment


                  • Year long deployments... you're either in the ARMY or the Corps.
                    I know this because I'm an Air Force vet (since separated).

                    Also, the way you speak of being "drowned" in this sea of masculinity is another clue as to why I say you're either ARMY or Marine.

                    I can relate to what you're talking about. The vast majority of guys in the service, any branch, tend to be rather pigheaded, misogynistic, and drunk. Not necessarily in that order!

                    You love this man, yet you also feel a strong (carnal?) attraction to women. That's good. I'm going to catch heat for this, but a woman's true nature is actually bisexual. The Kinsey Institute did an in depth study on this back in 1996 and their results are that since women have two X chromosomes, which men don't, they are able to see things from both sides and can enjoy both sides, while men are either (for the most part) one way or the other and can't thoroughly enjoy the same "perks" (for lack of a better word) as women.

                    if you're love for this guy is as strong as you claim it to be, then come clean with him that it's not just a mere "curiosity" but how you actually feel. If he can't handle that then he's not worth your time, sweetie.

                    OG
                    Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting!

                    Comment


                    • "Boys will be boys". It's just how they are. It's why we cannot live with them or without them. My boyfriend now, whom I believe I will spend my life with, has a lot of traits I told myself I didn't want in someone. BUT I LOVE HIM. I accept these annoying little things he does because I'm sure there are some that I have too. I've never had a boyfriend who was SUCH A GUY! And he owns up to it, too. Sometimes I get a little upset or whatever. But I've already decided that he's the one for me, and I love him, so I accept him for who and how he is.
                      If you love this man and believe he would make a great husband and possibly father, then you should try to find a way to ignore those traits, but keep your complete happiness a priority.

                      Comment


                      • Being around men constantly I hear conversations that no man would want his g/f or significant other to hear. I've become one of the guys. Vulger conversation that come off really womanizing. These are the male traits I'm refuring to. Strip clubs, obsession with lust. I wonder if it is just the men I am around all the time, or if some men are just better at hiding it?

                        Comment


                        • Men vary as do women but you dealing with men in a high stress situation, that pulls in a lot of group think, high adrenilin situations and is very testosterone driven (military action requires aggression that's just part of the deal no matter how controlled or planned).
                          Having been associated with the construction industry there can be a lot of this. My observation has been women who try to be "one of the guys" don't fare well, nor do those who get all prissy and ****y about stuff. You have to find a middle ground and stay true to yourself. Of course you can't walk off and leave it at the end of day, which makes it harder.

                          Can you turn any of it back to them with some humor?

                          Susan Jane Gilman, who wrote Kiss My Tiara, says when men question women's ability to think rationally, you have to remember that this is the gender that regularly attends Monster Truck Expos and can talk talk nonstop about nicknames for their penises for an average of twenty-seven years.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by WildChild View Post
                            Can you turn any of it back to them with some humor?

                            Susan Jane Gilman, who wrote Kiss My Tiara, says when men question women's ability to think rationally, you have to remember that this is the gender that regularly attends Monster Truck Expos and can talk talk nonstop about nicknames for their penises for an average of twenty-seven years.
                            LOL - purse and tupperware parties come to mind. not to mention naming your sex toys.

                            Comment


                            • A purse is a sort of woman's tool belt. Rarely carry one myself but am looking for a good tool belt. It isn't at all unusual to see me out and about in the world with a pencil sticking out of my ponytail and a screwdriver and pair of pliers in my back pocket. Does tend to weigh me down.

                              As for tupperware - oh my, went to one of those things many years ago. Only once. Now the UU ladies winter gift exchange is another story, that can involve things like bottles of Crown Royal and last year there was a battle over a gift that contained a copy of Going Down, among other things....

                              Women don't name anything like men do their penises.

                              Comment

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