[artist1633]

love is a risk, but it must be the right type of love. when you see him, also see his wife and children. also realize he is using you. he does not see you, the physical and mental, he is seeing a free piece of someone.

if not you then someone else...don't be the other person, karma is strong and returns in some fashion. leave asap

[tasha1133]

I noticed that you haven't really responded anymore to the reactions and replies that you're getting. I just hope that you realize why such harsh reactions are coming your way and why you need to make the right choice. Which is soon if not already made.

[stressed]

Guys... I don't think she came here to be told she's a b*** for being with a married man or that this guy a scum. I am pretty sure these thoughts have crossed her mind before. I do believe that these situations can only be understood by people who have been there before. When you don't know the feeling it is easier to judge and see things as right or wrong. It's very easy to say "you're doing wrong, stop it right away, I don't like it, think of the children" etc.

Like a poster said, we all make mistakes and if we are lucky we learn from them. This poster needs help to get out of a situation where it is very easy to let it go on for years even if you know you are doing something wrong and know that it has no future. I believe she can only get sufficient help from a relative or a very close friend. Somebody has to delete his number from her phone, keep her from calling him and perhaps tell that man off once and for all.

He doesn't see it as him using her, if he treats her well during the time they are together she has that to hold on to and she doesn't think about the wife; she might as well believe that it's her fault her man is cheating. These are common thoughts in such situations.

Most of you see it from the side of the wife, because you think about what you would do if your husband cheated but if you've never been in her place then you can never really advise her. But try to see it from her point of view for a second and if you cannot help then at least don't judge.

Personally, if my man cheated and I'd meet this girl or find them together, I'd first give her a nice punch in the face and walk away, I wouldn't bother with that man ever again.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Stressed, there are always different sides of a story, ie) Wife is a beatch, uses, and he can't handle it and looking for love.

And, then there's wanting his cake and eating it.

What the problem is is that, the poster never tells the full story, skips around the corner, "there are reasons"...

This to me is denial..

Because shouldn't she know in reality not his words but know?

Because they communicate and talk and there is evidence of some sort to back it up for her to know?

Personally, if my man cheated and I'd meet this girl or find them together, I'd first give her a nice punch in the face and walk away, I wouldn't bother with that man ever again.

I don't know if that's the solution and your going back to front? Your saying we shouldn't judge but then you'd punch her and never speak to him again?

As I said, the problem lies in we never know the truth... Only her side, not his and not the truth.

CW

[stressed]

Well, "her" as in the the fictional 'other woman' in my life; not the poster. She hasn't done anything to me personally and I wouldn't mind trying to help her instead of judging her. I don't know how other women would react if they caught their husband in bed, but this is another topic.

Yes, it always helps to hear from both sides, that's why we can't post 50 messages against her saying "you're a selfish home-wrecker and we don't like you". I'm just sure she already knows, by what she has said, that what she's doing is wrong.

Of course, this is a forum and we're all allowed to post our views etc. etc. I just wanted to point that 4 pages of telling her she's wrong do no contribute much to the thread and don't help the poster in any sense. If we want to vent about "other women" we might as well do that in a new thread, but saying that we're here to help her by pointing fingers... I don't find it a good idea.

[Miya]

CW is correct that we never really know the truth. People do what they do for reasons that may or may not make sense to them at the time. Sometimes they regret it and sometimes not.

I don't feel however, that punching someone in the face is ever the way to go. IMO there is never an excuse for violence unless your life or family's life is in imminent danger in which case violence "may" be justified. Aside from that really I think the best retort would be to walk away with your dignity intact. (this was just a response to the scenario stressed) Our dignity, self-respect, and compassion is really the only thing that is ours in this world. Just about everything else can be deprived of. There are people in this world who are oppressed, tortured, enslaved, raped, all the horrors and still come out of it with their souls unpenetrated. I've read many cases (former UNICEF intern) of these things and am constantly amazed at the resiliency of the human mind and spirit. It's very inspiring.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, "her" as in the the fictional 'other woman' in my life; not the poster. She hasn't done anything to me personally and I wouldn't mind trying to help her instead of judging her. I don't know how other women would react if they caught their husband in bed, but this is another topic.

Yes, it always helps to hear from both sides, that's why we can't post 50 messages against her saying "you're a selfish home-wrecker and we don't like you". I'm just sure she already knows, by what she has said, that what she's doing is wrong.

Of course, this is a forum and we're all allowed to post our views etc. etc. I just wanted to point that 4 pages of telling her she's wrong do no contribute much to the thread and don't help the poster in any sense. If we want to vent about "other women" we might as well do that in a new thread, but saying that we're here to help her by pointing fingers... I don't find it a good idea.

Well we are talking to the poster as she is the one posing the question so it can't be fictional.

I agree with Miya, violence is not even in my vocabulary and shouldn't be in yours, there is enough violence, abusive relationships and all you would show is your a statistic of that... which is a fear of women... Your not allowed to post your views? Not at all, you can post your opinions, it's called "debate" we dont have to agree with you and you shouldn't take it to heart

Yes, like I said, the wife could withhold sex, she could be a princess and use him, she could be anyone, we hear one SIDE and one side only and some "realationships have definately turned into relality" but again I point out this threader is closed. Her wording is " there are things" she won't elababorate, other than she has been hurt before and this is safe.

When a woman says, "there are things you don't know" but won't say what? I assume, she is saying he has told me................I believe him.........but I won't tell you cause you won't believe him, why? cause she is questioning it in the back of her mind or why else start the thread? "I want it to end?"..

Food for thought.

Because your right, she does wan't/need help.. She is on one hand, aware and doesn't like what she's doing and making excuses as to why she should remain in this, (no real single people in her area/& doesn't want to get hurt, she was abused/hurt/cheated on before)... So, there's a problem there with her believing that there is someone nice out there who wouldn't harm her and would be with her, who's single.


You have a point, but would be nice if she replied again, so we can try to work through this, her past.

Because it's her past that's stopping her future.

Thanks for pointing that out Stressed.

CW

[AlleyWay]

No one should ever be comfortable with 2nd place. What your doing can be dangerous especially if you get in to deep. Don't you deserve better? Shouldn't you at least TRY and find a guy who will make you his #1 priority? Sounds to me like your every mans dream someone he can have fun with and totally forget and go about his business. While your sitting at home thinking of him I can assure you he's not thinking of you while he is with his family.

[happy ending]

i actually wouldnt answer either, maybe i am being a hypocrite because i'm guilty too, but lets stop insulting this poor woman and threatening to punch her - whatever!

[PJhavinfunagain]

OK so I know the OP prob wont see this but I wanted to add... I also do not think you are a bad person. In my opinion you have made bad choices. You are the only one who can change things but you have to choose to want more, to decide you are worth more than leftovers. You have had a rough time of it... many have and get past it. It is a CHOICE. Please make the right one for you and everyone involved.