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Share a deep connection with this girl-Need advice.

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  • Share a deep connection with this girl-Need advice.

    First and foremost i'm glad to be on this forum(i'm new here)..read a lot you usefull and helpfull stuff here. Its time for me ask and seek some advice here.

    I've known this girl for a lill over 5months now. It din take long for us get to know each other. Pretty soon we were talking all the time and texting or chatting. Basically we talk all the time and no matter what keep in touch through-out the day. Our connection is very strong and our bonding is beyond just physical attraction. Its the comfort level and the kind of talks and understanding about a lot of things, common views and perceptions, IQ level that binds us.
    She can't get enough of me and vice versa. We do the most craziest and wackiest things when together or even walkin together...does not matter to us as to who is around(public places) We get lost in ourselves basically.
    She enjoys going on rides with me on the motorbike, loves listening to me play the guitar, movies, jogging..to name a few activities we do together.

    Here's the Anti-climax now- She has a boyfriend currently and has been out of two break-ups prior to this.
    I see us doing very 'well together' and am not sure how to convey this to her. We just can't stay apart even for a few hours without talking or messaging one another.
    She is not doing all to well with this boyfriend, lot of times she is upset and has been crying. That guy seems rather clingy and demanding. I'm sure he does not connect with her on any level.

    Please let me know how i can take her away from all the misery she is going through and most importantly- tell her that i would like to see us together.
    Please advice.

  • Your stepping on dangerous territory because your "doing things together" knowing that you like each other but she has a boyfriend..

    What if he was to see all those text messages realising how many times you both talk and I imagine he doesn't know that you go out on the bike, walks etc.

    I understand "friendship" but there's a line to be drawn there when there's another person involved.

    I'm not having a go, just giving you a thought, because what if she is close like this with another guy and you do win her as your girlfriend how are you going to feel and react?

    In my opinion, if he doesn't know about you then you have to have an intelligent conversation with her in this regard.

    As for how? She will leave when she is ready but again, you are ensuring she doesn't have to by being there all the time, if you think about it. The only thing that isn't happening in sex.

    If you weren't to speak for a day would she miss you?

    Would she realise how much she wants to be with you instead?

    Are you giving too much time and therefore, she has no necessity to get out of this relationship?

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      Your stepping on dangerous territory because your "doing things together" knowing that you like each other but she has a boyfriend..
      CW

      Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      What if he was to see all those text messages realising how many times you both talk and I imagine he doesn't know that you go out on the bike, walks etc.

      I understand "friendship" but there's a line to be drawn there when there's another person involved.
      CW
      I'm aware of that. But i ain't forcing her into anything. He just happen to do things. On occasions she does let that guy know that she's with me.


      Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post

      I'm not having a go, just giving you a thought, because what if she is close like this with another guy and you do win her as your girlfriend how are you going to feel and react?

      CW
      Lets say i do win as my girlfriend, if she does get close to another guy. I really would not mind, that's her call. First and foremost i know that for sure she would not do such a thing only cause the way we are is something which will not happen with any.


      Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      In my opinion, if he doesn't know about you then you have to have an intelligent conversation with her in this regard.
      CW
      He does know about me. I have kinda told her about my intentions. She is very confused and not in a position to decide.


      Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post

      As for how? She will leave when she is ready but again, you are ensuring she doesn't have to by being there all the time, if you think about it. The only thing that isn't happening in sex.

      If you weren't to speak for a day would she miss you?

      Would she realise how much she wants to be with you instead?

      CW
      I'm not being there all the time...give her much needed space and time apart.
      Yes, she would miss me and actually get restless...being apart from me or not even hearing from me is something she is not used to.

      Realising how much she wants to be with me is what i'm not sure of...cause that jerk is there bugging her all the time. I can't stand that guy. He is like a kid and immature.

      Comment


      • lol. On your last line.

        Well, then she has to work this out for herself and gain more feelings for you and less for him, cause it seems that she's comfortable at present, or is she scared of him, or is it that she's used to being with him, how long have they been together?
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • That last line eh? :-D Btw, thanks for your prompt responses. I really felt like talking this out.

          She's been with this jerk for 3 yrs, rather known him. Long time to break-off just like that i guess...so called emotional connections...even if he's a kiddo and limp:-D

          She does display the urge to be with me...when with me she is completely cut-off from the world around..its just me that she is seeing. So close, yet so far i feel at times.

          Comment


          • I agree with CW, Your stepping on dangerous territory. They've been together for 3 yrs so obviously at one point she saw something in him. Yes feelings can change but comfort doesnt. the only way she'll leave him is if she's will to risk throwing comfort out the window to take a risk.

            calling him names or talking bad about him will do nothing but push her away so I really really hope you dont say these things to her. You say you talk all the time but yet you say you give her space. Which is it?

            It's great you guys have a great connection. You've told her how you feel about her right? then thats about all you can do. the rest is in her hands. In the mean time, go out and have fun. meet other girls. My current bf was so hung up on his ex that he couldnt see what was right in front of him. It took me telling him I wasn't waiting around and starting dating other guys. Within a month he was telling me he was done with his ex and wanted to make us work.
            Krystal

            Comment


            • So take a second and think about this.

              If she's cheating on her current B/F.....what do you think the odds are that she'll cheat on you?

              I'd say pretty good.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Kallygirlie View Post

                calling him names or talking bad about him will do nothing but push her away so I really really hope you dont say these things to her. You say you talk all the time but yet you say you give her space. Which is it?
                I haven ever used or called that guy any such names, i shouldn in the first place and i will not. Just that i don see the reason she is stickin with him. Seems a looser sorts...a man who can't do anything on his own. Needy all the time. Don't know what she sees in him.

                We talk all the time as in our interaction is there throughtout the day. Give her space- i mean i not sitting or breathing down her neck all the time.


                Originally posted by Kallygirlie View Post
                It's great you guys have a great connection. You've told her how you feel about her right? then thats about all you can do. the rest is in her hands. In the mean time, go out and have fun. meet other girls. My current bf was so hung up on his ex that he couldnt see what was right in front of him. It took me telling him I wasn't waiting around and starting dating other guys. Within a month he was telling me he was done with his ex and wanted to make us work.
                Yes, i have told her how i feel bout her in more ways than one. She too has described her feelings as to how she feels when with me, like how her hands feel when i hold them;-) She is all over me...but is holding back...i can sense it easily.

                I'm not stuck up on her, that's one thing. Yet i don wanna let go what we share, i just hope she sees this soon. I don think i could ever come across a girl who understood or interacted with me like her...she for sure won't meet any other guy like me, she knows that.

                I just want her to realize all this...and move in with me. At times i get very restless thinking where we headed.
                I feel of middle of nowhere at times.

                Is there anything i can do other than sit back and wait for her :-(

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Kallygirlie View Post
                  I agree with CW, Your stepping on dangerous territory. They've been together for 3 yrs so obviously at one point she saw something in him. Yes feelings can change but comfort doesnt. the only way she'll leave him is if she's will to risk throwing comfort out the window to take a risk.
                  Thanks for your response and views Krystal. I know i'm walkin on thin ice..well most of the time.
                  About the comfort factor- I feel she is more comfortable with me, there is nothing that we don talk bout.
                  I'm very communicative, unlike most guys. I'm very different that way..even when it comes to understanding a girl.
                  She knows this all to well..hence our strong connection.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by OhThereYouAre View Post
                    So take a second and think about this.

                    If she's cheating on her current B/F.....what do you think the odds are that she'll cheat on you?

                    I'd say pretty good.
                    OTYA- You do have a point there, but i don think that would happen if she were to be with me.

                    This guy is an introvert and narrow minded. She is a lot like more broad minded, knowledgeable and outspoken- in other words a lot like me she is:-) Hence i donno wat the heck is she doing with that guy.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Akkiben View Post
                      OTYA- You do have a point there, but i don think that would happen if she were to be with me.
                      Think again.

                      Originally posted by Akkiben View Post
                      This guy is an introvert and narrow minded. She is a lot like more broad minded, knowledgeable and outspoken- in other words a lot like me she is:-) Hence i donno wat the heck is she doing with that guy.
                      His personality- or your personality for that matter have **nothing** to do with her own sense of morality.

                      Comment


                      • And for that matter - what would make you desire this woman?

                        1. She's sticking around in a relationship that isn't working. This either means she's needy, controlling, or weak, and it definitely means she's sneaky and selfish.

                        2. She's cheating on her boyfriend. Whether or not you think she'd do it to you, do you want to call that type of person your G/F?

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by OhThereYouAre View Post
                          And for that matter - what would make you desire this woman?

                          1. She's sticking around in a relationship that isn't working. This either means she's needy, controlling, or weak, and it definitely means she's sneaky and selfish.

                          2. She's cheating on her boyfriend. Whether or not you think she'd do it to you, do you want to call that type of person your G/F?
                          I appreciate you views.

                          Here's what i think:- She been thru' 2 previous relations that din work out..so probably does not want to give up on this one, even if he's a jerk...Or she is just confused and finding it hard to accept that there indeed can be a guy like me that understands her unlike any.

                          I would not say she is cheating...if she doesn fit in there..and maybe was just waiting for someone who understood her, i don see anything wrong with any person if they feel like moving on. Why would anyone wanna spend the rest of their lives with someone they don share much or don have a matching wave length.

                          Comment


                          • I'd just say be careful and cautious. Tread lightly and the other posters raise some valuable points to consider. With OTYA you have a guy's opinion too so consider that. I'm sure since you're as close as you say she already KNOWS how you feel. It's really up to her to make the decision of who she wants to be with. Maybe she is confused but it's solely her choice and if she wants to be with you she HAS to become capable of making it.

                            What you convey in actions is so much more powerful than words. A question though and some of the other Indian members would have even more insight but what kind of family is she from? (maybe I missed it but does she live with the guy or are they just in a relationship?) Does her family have plans for who she will marry and she's just doing this until that time comes? Are you both of the same religion/community?

                            Anyway, I'd just advise to be cautious in what you do. As others have pointed out, she's already in a relationship and now is spending this quality time and emotion with you while still in it with another one. Oh and a final note to bring a bit of fun...don't get caught in Bandra (Joggers park) holding hands or doing anything of you'll be explaining it to the police. My hubby and I were warned there and a friend of mine and her bf were actually arrested for having his arm around her and had to pay a fine.
                            Do not dwell in the past,
                            do not dream of the future,
                            concentrate the mind on the present moment.

                            -Lord Buddha

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Akkiben View Post
                              let me know how i can take her away from all the misery she is going through and most importantly- tell her that i would like to see us together.
                              Please advice.
                              Sounds like you want to save and rescue her, which will only work if she's the kind of girl that thrives on being saved and rescued. You say she just ended 2 relationships , is now in a 3rd yet spends all her time with you. I'm not trying to crush your hopes... but see the pattern and the writting on the walls and .... go in head first anyway, because well... thats what we do when we're in love.

                              I just hope that when/if you do manage to save her from herself (as you in your good intention think she's doing) that she doesn't find reasons to cry to, text, lean on someone else to save her from you.
                              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                              Comment

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