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How do I tell him I dont wanna go back to work

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  • How do I tell him I dont wanna go back to work

    As some of you know, I was laid off from my job a week ago. they gave us 2 weeks so my last day here will be this coming Friday. At first I was in shock and very emotional. The questions of what else could happen. The past 2 yrs it seems like one thing after another. Now that I've thought about it, I'm having a celebration. Even going to the beach the Monday after I'm officially unemployed. It sounds bad I know. I'm not a lazy girl who just wants to sit home, watch soaps and eat. I'm very independant but right now I dont want to go back to work.

    Back 5 yrs ago, I started working for this law firm because I had a passion for law. It was a dead end job but it would give me the 2 yrs experience required to get into a nice law office. Then I just got comfortable. Even tho I hated working here, I stayed. My Mom got sick, I took FMLA and ended up losing my job after running out of FMLA. They told me to come back when I could. I did 4 months later. WHY? Comfort!!! After everything I went through with losing Mom, I just wanted something fimiliar back in my life. Hating my job came back really quickly. So what, I lost my job now!!!! Retarded company cut back 13 people and 10 have been here over 3 yrs, but kept the cheaper paid new hires of course. They will regret what they've done. OH WELL!!! I'm happy I'm leaving.

    None of this all hit me until last night. I stood at my Moms grave and all I could think is "I want to make her proud". I'm sick of these dead end jobs. I lost my passion for law and gained a HUGE respect and love of nursing. I want sooooo badly to be the nurse that gives patients hope. My boyfriend asked me last night why I dont want to be a doctor. Its simple. Doctors give the bad news, they come in the hospital room once a day and then they are gone. Nurses on the other hand are there every step of the way. They make the patient smile, even if its for a second. I watched my mom go from hating the hospital, to not minding it as much because of those nurses. The ones that gave me there number if I ever needed to just talk. The ones that came to my Moms funeral and cried right beside me.

    So why dont I want to go to work. I want to go back to school. I want to get my CNA as a step in the right direction. A step that will get me started on a life long career. The classes I found are 9am-5pm, M-F so yeah I could work weekends or parttime evenings but I just want to be focused. I dont want to re-live round one of college. Carrying straight A's for a yr then all of a sudden get dropped from classes because of attendance.

    I'm a planner so I've already looked at it all. My man makes about 62,000 a yr. Just what he puts in our joint account alone is enough to cover our house hold bills. My check has always been just extra. He even makes enough to cover all his and all my bills. I get 6 weeks severence paid every 2 weeks so that will give me a full check until 11/27, then I'm eligible for 6 months unemployment. I've never been one to file for unemployment but, if I'm going to school, they dont require me to apply for jobs. The question is, after I run out of $$$, then what. I dont want him to have to pay for my bills (car & insurance) The program is a yr, not 6 months. The places that offered full training and schooling while working there simply aren't hiring right now.

    So what ideas do you all have. How do I talk to him about all this. all of his girl friends in his past quit there job after about a yr of dating him and refused to work. I'm not trying to do that. It's the same amount of time as them and I know in his mind, he's gonna think I'm gonna do like them. He said last night he supports anything I wanna do, but this is a big deal. It wouldn't be easy and we wouldn't have extra money like we do now.

    If you dont agree that I should just not go back to work, then do you have any better ideas. I'm lost when it comes to the steps I need to take right now.

    As always, Thanks

  • Going to school is a great idea since you have a definite plan. My nephew's wife got her RN while working and with a child, actually 2 before she finished. You don't have kids so you should certainly be able to handle it.

    I do think you should have some sort of employment though. It's important for your well being to have money that is yours and to be able to pay at least part of your bills. The 2010 census is coming up, could something like that be an option? It wouldn't be a permanent job and is generally somewhat flexible. Or how about a nurses aide?


    • Why not go to school AND work?

      I worked full time while I completed my master's degree.

      fwiw - Regardless of whether its legal, drawing unemployment while you aren't looking for work is something that I just couldn't bring myself to do.


      • How much is that program? A CNA shouldn't take a year, unless PA has vastly different laws than I'm familiar with.
        Ask around about nursing homes in your area. Around here, they pay for your CNA so you can work there. It takes a few months, not a year. You get trained on the job, where you get paid.
        You have some time to look around and find your options. If you're making your own money (from severence, from unemployment) then you shouldn't have to qualify to your boyfriend that you aren't going to get a job immediately.
        You're older and wiser now than you were in freshman year of college. I would say most people get sidetracked, miss classes, etc. But if you're focused you can handle a part-time job and classes as well, and your checkbook will thank you for it. Your self-respect will thank you for it.
        Tell him you have a plan. Obviously, don't do that until you have one ... a good plan! Make it a plan to have enough money on tap for your part of the bills. Look into state programs for young women interested in nursing (I know Wisconsin has them, not sure about other states.) Don't plan based on his income.
        Good luck
        <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>


        • Well I guess all that is my problem. the programs that train you while working simply aren't hiring right now or they stopped that program. The class I found is dont by the county government and the reason it lasts a yr is they end up placing you at a job for training after the classroom work is done. this training isn't paid on site training tho. Every other thing I've searched for has come up blank. I hate this small town I live in.

          as for OTYA. I dont mind drawing unemployment if I'm not looking for a job, IF and only IF I'm preparing myself for a career. I've gone through layoffs before and I actually ended up getting this job as a result of a layoff. I've never had to draw unemployment.

          I guess on top off all of this, the job market where I live SUCKS!!! Yes i know it does everywhere, but here, theres nothing closer than 30 mins away. to earn enough money to pay my own bills, I'd have to drive an hour one way (which is what I do now). I factor that in because If I get out of class, driving an hour down the road is going to take time off of being able to work. Pay in my town MIGHT go as high as $8. To work that part time, I might be able to affort my car payment and care insurance bill. I know somethings better than nothing. I just wish I could find one of the programs that will pay you while you train there.


          • Originally posted by Kallygirlie View Post
            to earn enough money to pay my own bills, I'd have to drive an hour one way
            Wow - God forbid you pay your own bills. I drive more than that to pay my bills.


            • Save any and all money you can between now and the first 6 months.

              Talk to him about your passion, your plan, etc. He should understand. You are doing this to better yourself. However, you may have to get at least a part time job, so be prepared for it. It's a struggle, going to school and working, but it can be done. I went to school full time, worked full time and had a kid. Not fun, but not impossible.


              • OTYA, dont get all high and mighty on me. I'm glad you enjoying driving. I don't! I work right out side Washington DC so the traffic alone makes you wanna jump off a bridge. I'm a country girl from WV. I'm used to being held up by harvesters, not wall to wall traffic. Even tho I hate it, I've been doing it since 2003. I'm not asking for advice because I just want to be lazy. I'm asking for the best way to getting my life on the path I want it. The whole point is to better my life for my future husband and children. Comments like that just isn't very helpful


                • Oh I know going to school and working is possible. I made the deans list my freshman yr while working full time at the job I'm being laid off from. I guess I realized how hard that was. I did alot of my homework at work on my breaks. I just have this huge pride thing that wont allow me to step backwards. Going to a lower paying job is a punch to the gut but I guess it may be whats needed because the others I've seen aren't to flexible when it comes to hrs for classes. I guess the best thing I can do is find the classes or a place for training and see what hrs that would call for then go from there for work.


                  • You have to follow your passions and it's never too late to do so... In addition to the rewards of nursing, being there and caring, there are financial rewards so your future can be bright and if you ever wanted to be more eductated in that field, you can.

                    Don't see any job as "lower paying, punch in the gut", work part time so you also feel self worth regardless of what that job is, cleaning....

                    We have to support ourselves in life, be positive in all of this and just do it, it will be hard, studying and working but that's because your working for a future and in that, everyone will support you because, your supporting yourself...

                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                    • Originally posted by OhThereYouAre View Post
                      Wow - God forbid you pay your own bills. I drive more than that to pay my bills.
                      I walk these days to pay mine

                      Nothing wrong with a little fear, concern and trying to logically work out how to combine things, not everyone wants to take a shirt job part time as well, at least she wants to pay her own way
                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                      • Wow - God forbid you follow the rules of the forum and not attack other posters.

                        Kally - What would you do if you and your boyfriend weren't together? Would you move? Think hard about what you answer here. It may tell you something you don't want to think about. But you have to do what's right for YOU.
                        Also, what would you do without the security blanket his income gives you? Never plan including someone who isn't legally bound to you.
                        If the program you are looking at is free or cheap, it doesn't sound like too bad of an idea.
                        I live in a small town too, and I used to drive 30-45 minutes to get to my job. It started out as a minimum wage-paying part-time drudge job, but now I make GOOD money with GREAT benefits. Take your own advice ... don't look down your nose at the jobs you're finding for less pay. Money is money. Sell your car, buy something cheaper that you won't have to have a loan on. If you have a paid-off car, you can also get a different and cheaper insurance plan. There are a million ways to save money IF you are willing to open your eyes and mind to them. In college, I used/drank powdered milk to save some cash ... my sister said "I've never been that poor" but I did it. I have a BA and speak 6 foreign languages, but I work in retail and make much less than my peers with my degree because I want to live in this town and I want to go to grad school next year, so I found I don't need to make more money than I do.
                        I believe including "income" from student loan/scholarship refund checks, I made $7,000 in 2008 ... and was 100% on my own. My then-boyfriend was in Iraq and my parents give me nothing. There are ways to do what you need when you sacrifice doing things you want. You just have to decide which is which.
                        Edit: I forgot to mention, I also went to Mexico AND France on that $7,000 ... both of which I had to do to graduate early (and in the long run, SAVE money.) If I did it, you can do it.
                        Last edited by Little; 10-05-2009, 07:14 PM. Reason: moar infos...
                        <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>


                        • First of all, I think it's great that you know what you want to go for, and that you found a silver lining in a sucky situation. It's never fun to lose a job that you've had for a long time but it helped you to figure out what you really want to do. My boyfriend is in the same boat, kind of. He went to school for web design, which he likes to do but there are next to no jobs around here for it so he works for his dad to pay the bills. In a job he hates, but he puts our place first. And now he's saying he doesn't really want to do web design anymore because it gets boring. He's actually thinking about starting his own business and is already working really hard on trying to make it work.

                          Anyways, getting off track. It's true, you'll probably need to get at least a part time job that might be a little less than what you want. But at least it will get your part paid, and it's good that you want to do that and not rely on your boyfriend for it. I think if you come up with some kind of plan before talking to him, it will make him feel better once you do. Then he'll know that you know what you're doing and won't feel on edge, if that's what you're worried about.

                          Don't worry about what his past girlfriends have done. Did they stop working for the same reasons, or did they quit because they just didn't want to do it anymore so they could stay home and eat bon bons all day? Either way, if you sit him down and tell him that this is what you really want.... If he loves you then he'll support you. And maybe he'll be able to help you think of some good ways to work and get your education at the same time. Is it at all possible to do any of the courses online?
                          [FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][/FONT]
                          [CENTER]I've got to be direct
                          If I'm off please correct
                          You're standing on my neck....[/CENTER]


                          • well, as far as his ex. I cant be sure about the first ex but the last one he dated has actually been a close friend of mine for yrs. We worked together. She just woke up one day and said, I cant do it, I quit. again he could have carried their bills but he's got a spending problem. He makes good money and you'd never be able to tell. all his bills were seriously past due until he met me, now he finally current because every week I'm asking what he's got to pay. Plus I made us directly deposit household $ into a joint account that only I have access to. His money is his money, as long as he stay current, I'm happy. There's just no reason for him to have money trouble since outside of household bills he has less then $200 a month in his bills to pay.

                            anywho, back to the subject. I know he loves me and supports what I want to do. He's told me that. Everytime I try to talke to him about what I want to do vs what I need to do, he just sits there. I talk away and he has like nothing to say. this is what makes me worry because he's not a quiet keep feelings in type of person. Heck he took me getting laid off worse then I did.


                            • Originally posted by Kallygirlie View Post
                              Plus I made us directly deposit household $ into a joint account that only I have access to.
                              O.k. - I couldn't help but laugh at that. You made my day.



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