[AloneNtheCrowd]

At what point do we need to 'settle'? No relationship is perfect, and neither is any person. We all have faults and weaknesses. How much can we accept before we're 'settling', and how little should we compromise before we're 'unrealistic'?

Yeah that's exactly what I have trouble figuring out!

[WildChild]

It's a balancing act. None of us are perfect, we are all works in progress or should be. A person who is stagnant and not learning, growing and developing is not a person I would want to spend my life with.

I think the trick is (I've messed up plenty of times) to give it enough time to get past the infatuation phase without having your lives overly entangled, so you can really assess what you have. Keep that Meatloaf song in mind, too lazy to grab the CD but you know; Dashboard lights, do you love me, will you love me forever....I'll love to the end of time...Now I'm waiting for the end of time, cuz' if I ahve to spend another minute with you....

That's the classic, moved to commitment too fast thing. Giving it more time makes it harder to keep the deal breakers hidden and it allows an opportunity see more of how you handle adversity togehter and how you are each growing. I come from a long history of living outdoors. The "camping test" is a good one, unfortunately I've blown that a couple time, all the signs were there and I overlooked them entirely. Basically go camping, perferably under some adverse conditions, like iffy weather - how does he handle a tent that floods because he insisted you didn't need to trench it or tarp it? What is his reaction when he can't get a fire going and then you do it without a problem? Or conversely if you aren't a camper and he is, how patient is he? How well does he include you and show you how to do things? This also work well with working on cars, remodeling, yard work - how well do you work together. How well do you handle it when things don't go right? When things do go right? This can give you some big clues about how someone handles life and how your two styles really interact. If I had kept my eyes open with this stuff I'd have avoided some BIG mistakes. Someone who starts cussing, blames you for what they did and stomps off into the wilderness for several hours is probably not good relationship material.

If you manage to overlook the poor behavior in the first year, you may find it intollerable 6 months later when the infatuation has worn off. Having many years of learning from my mistakes, this is part of the conclusion I've come to.

[mr.mansview]

Why do we accept less than what we should

because you believe that most men are not going to give you what you deserve

[ThexMrs]

Well... For me personally, I take less than what I deserve because I feel that I'm lucky that anyone wants to be with me and I should just take what I get, good or bad. I don't feel like I'm attractive and I don't feel like I am good enough for anyone. This probably has a lot to do with being beaten down my entire life, the abuse I suffered. I pretend to act confident and even arrogant about myself but in reality, I'm not.

[Ahryin]

Well... For me personally, I take less than what I deserve because I feel that I'm lucky that anyone wants to be with me and I should just take what I get, good or bad. I don't feel like I'm attractive and I don't feel like I am good enough for anyone. This probably has a lot to do with being beaten down my entire life, the abuse I suffered. I pretend to act confident and even arrogant about myself but in reality, I'm not.

This is the exact issue and backward thinking I want to assist with. For one XMrs I'm here to tell you that you are precious, intelligent, and breathtaking! Mind you I'm a girl so imagine what the guys must think. Most of my females friends think the same way. The thing is there are guys out there that can smell that type of thinking and prey on it.
Not saying all guys are bad, not at all but oh my gosh there are soooo many. You have to first believe in you, believe in the possibilites, and believe in your selfworth.
XMrs I have read many a post by you so I know you have a great mind and some great opins that alone lets me know you are NO fool! Some times its best to spend some time alone to gather your thoughts, plan your next move and cherish yourself. I'm not sure if i'm making sense but if your don't value yourself how can you expect others to?

[Texinator]

Sad thing is that there are guys that like girls with low self esteem so they can play the hero. Those men try to play themselves up with either 'Who else is gonna love you?' or 'Look how much I love you despite all your problems'. And then when the woman shows the slightest sign of confidence? Ooh, watch out!

[Ahryin]

I agree 100percent Tex

[WildChild]

A big part of that is what I call a psychic vampire. They zero in on people who are vulnerable and drain them.

[Ahryin]

LOL..hope you know i'm using that

[WildChild]

I've been talking about them for over 30 yrs my dear, you are welcome to share my efforts to get people to watch out for them. Been a victim a few times myself.