[Melephant]

Firstly, i would like to apologize in advance cos i know this post will be a long one. But i really need a place to.. i guess 'vent' is the word after having all this bottled up inside me for so long, and i would really appreciate your help or just your opinion. It's driving me crazy. Feel free to skip bits, i'm sure you will, as long as you get the idea and understand what i'm trying to get through.

Phew...ok,
Well it's very easy to judge me too soon for what i'm about to say but please hear me out. My partner and i met on a social networking sight last year. Absolutely nothing i'd ever considered before and this wasn't planned. We had a conversation about music and from there we became friends. We'd speak to eachother for hours everyday and of course i really started to fall for him.

One day, he announced he had a girlfriend. Not when we started talking, but at that point. So yeah, i was like 'ow', then he dropped another bombshell.. She lives in Australia (we live in england) and they've never even met -they 'met' over the same site. Then another bombshell.. 'I'd really like for the two of you to be friends'. Bloody heck. Anyway, i added her to my profile and, for him, i made the effort to talk to her and take an interest, even though it pained me. This time it was her turn to drop the bombshells. 'He just can't stop telling me how much he loves me, i love him so much too'. What the heck? As far as i knew they'd only been going out for like two weeks, when the heck did love come into it? Then it got worse. 'He's moving to Australia next year to be with me'. What the h*ll???

Anyway, trying my hardest to shorten the story down, a few months later i got drunk (ever the cliche expert) and called him telling him i'd fallen for him. From what i remember he was quite shocked and then.. well next thing i knew my head was in the toilet.
After that phone call his attitude with me changed. He basically showed a complete lack of respect for this (annoyingly nice) Aussie lady and well, to me too.

A couple of more months past and they split up. I hate to say it, but i was kind of happy. Just because i had wanted this man for months and as far as i knew he was moving to the other side of the planet. But then about two weeks later (on New Years Eve, would you believe it), i excitedly checked his page and was literally stunned to see his relationship status had changed from 'single', along with his profile picture which was now him with his arms around some woman! Talk about a fast-mover!

I was really hurt cos we had been through a lot by that point (which i won't go into cos i really need your help, not for you to decide this is all and go somewhere else) and he'd been really distant, i guess cos he had his woman, why would he keep in touch with me? We didn't speak for a while until one day this February he called me out of the blue and told me him and his latest girlfriend had split up. How convenient, huh? Anyways, we grew close again and i remembered why i had let him treat me so badly in the first place, because i loved him so much.

By this time i was working/living in the Isle of Wight, while he had his place in Yorkshire. For my 20th birthday in April, he drove all the way (and took a 45min ferry ride) all the way from his to mine. Anyone from England will understand how far that is. This was to be the first time we had ever met in person and, honestly, it was absolutely amazing. I will never forget it. Such a romantic place and we were so smitten and comfortable with eachother straight away -i've never felt able to completely relax and be myself around anyone before, you would never have believed we had only just met, it was incredible.

After a week, it was time for him to go back home and, seriously, we were both near tears and we felt like we had known eachother years. Then he asked me to come back with him. I thought back to the first second i opened the door and saw him standing there, i'd had this over-whelming feeling, like 'oh my god i'm going to cry myself to death with love and happiness' (i may have pinched that from somewhere, i apologize, but it expresses it exactly). I said i would and within the hour, i'd quit my job and was saying my goodbyes to my friends and my workmates.

I'd planned to move in with my brother in Birmingham til i got back on my feet (only about 2hrs from Y'shire) so he took me back there. Again, we couldn't bear to be separated so we got a hotel and he took another four days off work.

We eventually spent five days apart and he drove down to see me again. This time i went back to his place and ended up staying there. It's been seven months now and things aren't much different from the day i moved in. We're still happy, healthy sex life, we're even engaged now (i promise i'm not bragging, we all drop a bombshell in this story!).. but there's just one thing..

I can't forget the past. Last year, and early this year, i had to see his web page covered in messages from these two girlfriends he had, hearing all about how inlove he was... but if he spoke so passionately (to everyone) of his love for the Australian, how he was planning to move to the otherside of the planet for her, then two weeks later the same passion for another woman.. how do iknow it's different with me? When he says he loves me, how can i believe it? Would he still 'love' me if i didn't love him? What makes me so special.

I did ask him about this once and of course he got all defensive and angry. But then when i reasoned with him he calmed down and explained that, yes, before he was just desperate to be loved and would've settled for anybody but apparantly he's really fallen for me and this time it's different. But how the h*ll can i believe that?

How am i supposed to believe that i'm not just second (or third) best, just the booby prize?? He's asked me to marry him, sure, but he's been engaged twice before.. His best friend 'jokingly' asked me when i first met him 'has he proposed to you yet?'
I just can't forget everything that happened last year, it's driving me crazy! Not usually the jealous type either but when i think about it or see his old comments on his web pics 'i love you more, baby' i just want to scream with rage and jealousy, like 'he's MY man! F off!!' I see comments where he's saying the same things to them as he's now saying to me! I hate it!!

What do you guys and girls think (if anyone continued to read, i hope so. Thank you so much if you did)? Do you think it's real, or do you think he's still just desperate for anyone? It hurts me so much even being like this, let alone having the whole thing shoved in my face everyday.

How would you deal with it? What's your opinion?
Please help me

[caterpillar79]

Do some reality check on both you and him. I have met a handful of men from social networking sites and 70% of them are needy. I am not saying that he is. Just do some checking yourself - keep an eye out. Though the way he's acted as you've described scores to me as needy.

And you, my dear - how much to you know him, really? I meant on a face-to-face real-life scenario, not just online? People could sometimes be different being when they deal online. You might want to consider that.

Only time would tell. Watch and wait. Let time prove to you how much his words tie up with his actions. For me, words without action is dead.

[Hopeless Dork]

Would it help you to get passed it if he deleted those old comments? They are probably no longer important to him and if it would make you feel better it probably wouldn't be too much to ask him to do. That or just quit looking there.

I understand your feelings and your compulsion to relive those hurtful memories and to question the validity of his claims of love for you when he doled them out so easily in the past.

But wanting to love and be loved isn't necessarily the worst quality a man can have, is it? Does he treat you well? Do you FEEL his love as much as his words say? If the answer is yes, I wouldn't let the fact that he was in love with the idea of love before meeting you.

It sounds like he is one of those romantic types that would fly around the world for love, and almost did... again with so many terrible attributes a human being can have... wanting love would have to be one of the least bad ones to have.

You said he travelled far for you. He never made it to australia, he made it to you though... right?

Now if he is the type that falls in and OUT of love easy and is only about the chase thats another story all together. But if he just deperately wanted to find his other half and searched hard and caved easy before you that doesn't mean you aren't special. It means he got lucky and didn't HAVE to settle.

Remind yourself and him (jokingly of course) of just how lucky he got finding you And be happy if theres nothing to be sad at besides memories of when you were not even together yet.

Don't let the past rob you of your future, especially when it was before he made that connection with you.

[kms]

You said that you've been living with him for 7 months now, right? I guess you'd probably have a very good idea of what kind of person he is by now, and how sincere he is about his declarations of love and commitment to you.

If you're still unsure, perhaps do a quick comparison with his past girlfriends. How long were they together? What did he ACTUALLY do for them (saying he would move there is different from actually doing it, for instance)? As far as being engaged, how far in the process did he go with them? How long were they engaged? What broke it off? Did he give them a ring - and has he given you one? How did he propose? Has he gone any further or done anything differently or new with you? Have you been through difficult times - and how did he respond to those? Did he go through rough times with the other women, and did they break up or stay together?

If you do the comparison and find that you're not clearly in the lead, then I'd say to just slow it down a bit. Stay with him, stay devoted, stay committed. But don't rush into anything just yet (good or bad); make sure you've been with him long enough to know that you were different from all the rest.

But if you do come out ahead of the other women, then relax - it sounds like he's serious and he's found what he was looking for.