[amermummy]

I am feeling realy hurt right now. I just found out a week ago that my fiancee has a 2 years old son and we have been together for 11 years with a 8 years old son. I am so hurt, so very hurt, I have been crying, drinking, cursing but it doesn't help. he says he is sorry but because I am hurting so much I don't see. He broke my heart, I want to forgive him but scared. any suggestions?

[rcoreyus]

Try to understand why it happened before you decide what you want to do. Obviously he was wrong, but I think it is important to know in what way: Was it a one-time fling? Did he fall in love with her? Was he drunk? Did he sleep with here out of revenge for something? Was it an innocent friendship that developed into something more?

I'm not saying which of these is better or worse, but if you know, it will help you figure out what to do.

[Ashlee T.]

I'm very sorry, I know you must feel very betrayed right now and left in such a sticky situation having been with him for so long and having a child of your own together.

Unfortunately, this is a situation not all too uncommon for women these days. Probably you'll find some on here have even experienced the same thing.

Did he know all along he had this child?
As Rcoreyus asked, was this a fling? A relationship? If it were me, I'd require to know all the details.

No...numbing yourself will most definitely not take this away. It was only make things harder on you and on your child. You must deal with this as with any grief, in stages, and with acceptance of yourself and your feelings. Do not feel ashamed about wanting to know all the details. Do not feel ashamed about feeling hurt. And wanting to forgive is normal........but you must be realistic and ask yourself "Can I really forgive him?".

[amermummy]

I cant, so last night I told him it was over. He betrayed my trust and I just can't deal with it. I love him but I know he will never change. Thanks alot for all the replies. Yes he knew about the child, I guess everyone knew except me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If he hadn't kept it from you, and told you on the inset, when she was pregant, would that have been different? Perhaps, he made an error and then covered it up hoping it would go away.

Maybe 3 years ago, you were both in a different place, non attentive to each other, not excusing him at all, just want you to think about it.

Being on your own for a while is a very good idea, drinking is not

Sometimes, all I am saying is a relationship goes sour and a person thinks, that it's not going to get better and so they start trying to be happier, living their own life a little, instead of talking it out, working it out and then realise after it's you they want/wanted.

What was he like "after" so 2 years ago, for the past 2 years?

Have a think on all of that.. What he did was wrong, and it would hurt like crazy and I feel for you.

But, it depends on the depth of your love for each other as to whether this is the best solution, walking out to never return.

Sometimes trust can be re-built. But, the love between you would have to be very strong, very.

CW

[Ashlee T.]

Any update on your situation? Have you had any change of heart? Let us know how you are friend....