[LiLp]

So the Boyfriend is away for 2 weeks and such. Another week to go.

I've been thinkin so much anout our relationshiiip.

Its so hard. Being alone that is. I mean he tries so much to talk to me and let me know he loves me but bein away so long takes it toll on people.

Yes I'll admitt a week isn't something I should complain about its just hard when you can't speak to eachother. One 10 min phone call at night. If that.

Last night I cought myself cryin just thinkin about hiim deployin and earlier thiis mornin when we had our phone call he heard my voice crackin(I was tryin to hide that I was tearin up)

Idk. Maybe its that he's away and I've just become comfortable with hiis presence, or the fact I keep thinkin about the next time We have time apart.

Jan.7 is when he goes to begin trainin in Mojave for deployment and thats for a month. Then from there leavin 3 months later(if hiis unit deploys the time said).

It just feels like I'm puttin my heart out there and its unavoidable that its just gonna get broken. I know I can't stand there and watch hiim go, just thinkin of it hurts.

I gotta be strong for hiim because he looks to me for motivation but I don't talk to anyone about thiis area of our relationshiip and sometimes lettin it out just feels niice. I rarely tell hiim, when I do the conversation only lasts for prob like a quick minute then move on.

I do hate time now.

Sorry if I sound redundant.

I'm just tryin to figure out how to deal a little.


I was gonna write hiim letters when we can't talk for couple days, not send them but give it to hiim when he's home, but I don't feel like bein made fun of by hiim.

Well I guess these are the perks to bein with a marine(Sarcasm)..

[choclati]

What does your heart tell you?

Speaking as a women who has been deployed several times, it is just as hard on this end being away from our loved ones as it is on your end. It gets lonely, and you wonder whether your other half will have another by the time you return. 10 min is a short period of time to talk, but trust me its something that we look forward to every day.

Now on the flip side of things if this guy is a Marine and he's going to make a career of it then you need to make a decision if this is for you. Cause there will be plenty of time away from home and it is just as hard for you to sit and wait as it is for us to look forward to a letter, a package or a phone call. Its tough for you right now, but my point is it won't end.

Listen to your heart and stay strong. If he's making that call to you, then he cares very deeply for you. Just think he could be using that 10 min on someone else!

[Little]

Before continuing an already year-long relationship during a deployment, a friend of mine told me, "A real man wouldn't make you wait for him." I didn't agree. I figured if I had waited 9 months with him 10 hours away physically and worlds away emotionally, I could wait another 15 months for his deployment (Marine deployments are much shorter, thankfully.) But the deployment just made him draw back more emotionally, and me too, sometimes. We would get very close for a day or two and then he would draw back again, breaking my heart repeatedly week after week.
You have to CAREFULLY examine your relationship right now. You have to scrutinize every iota of it and ask yourself if it is worth the wait. NOT waiting with the man you know and love, but waiting FOR him, WITH a person who has to be entirely selfish to survive. Who can't worry about you because he's busy worrying about himself. Whose life you can very literally endanger.
Know that there are places downrange that DO NOT have any type of communication. Zero, zip, nada for a month or more. Some women get a five-minute phone call every month or two ... In my case, I was lucky to get an email every week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but he didn't have access to a phone for 8 months.
It can wreck your relationship or make it. Only you can decide what is going to happen and what your reactions are.
Think and think hard. There are people who can get through a deployment no problem. You have to know if you're one of them, and if you're not, let go.