[MissLyss]

I'm not sure who to talk to about this, so I'm posting here.

I've 7 years older than my sister, who's in high school. I had moved out of my house into an apartment in NYC, where I went to school, then had a job. After being laid off, I had to move back home, and although I love my parents, it's almost unbearable.

One unbearable aspect is my teenage sister's friends. She'll bring home one to three at a time, and the entire time they're there, I feel this terrible heaviness on my brain.

I feel like they judge me for not being out, judge me for not being at work, judge me for having to be back home. I feel like they think they're superior to me and that I'm a failure. As a result, I ignore them, don't smile at all, and make no efforts to be polite. The presence of her friends makes me feel like I should have my friends over all the time, like they think I'm a loser because I don't have anyone over. It builds onto other anxieties, like feeling like a failure because of moving back home, and sometimes I get so annoyed I feel like I just want to off myself to get away from it. I never, ever would -- I have a boyfriend I adore and a future I greatly look forward to with him (as well as with my writing; I'm an aspiring writer and write everyday) -- but that's how bad the anxiety gets. I feel like I can hear them talking about me, sharing looks about me, etc. Even though I know some of this is silly, it still makes me feel terrible.

I feel it may be residue from high school, where I wasn't yet on anxiety medication and would think EVERYONE was talking badly about me all day, every day, and I would make lists of what people had said.

Anyway, I know I'm coming across as unstable/crazy. I just want some help or insight into this. Please don't suggest talking to a counselor -- I already meet with one.

Thanks so much for any help.

[Karma3]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I doubt very much that they are judging you, I mean you did go to school in NYC and had a job there until you were laid off, it's not like you graduated from highschool and have just been sitting around your parents house doing nothing since then. Even though they are still in highschool and haven't felt the direct effects of the economy yet, I'm sure they have heard the effects on the news etc and realize that that could happen to anyone...including them some day. There are situations where a whole family has had to move iinto their parents house because of unfortunate situations....and I wouldn't even consider your situation to be that bad. Try to think positive thoughts when they're there or maybe try and interact with them, who knows, you might find some common ground with them.

[sourpuss]

In all actuality, they probably are judging you. They are high school girls after all. But, it may not be bad like you think. More than likely, they probably look up to you...unless they are just rotten girls. (which, some at that age certainly are!)
When they are there, smile, be friendly and act busy and important. Act like you have a lot going on or something.

You're an adult, you have better things to do than hang about with your girlfriends all the time. Just because you're living in your parents home doesn't mean that you have to live like a teenager.

[happy ending]

if they are anything like i was at high school, they dont really think about you at all unless they like your hair that way, or you are wearing some awesome shoes, at 17 my friends and i were the centre of the universe, and nothing else was really worthy of consideration.

however it sounds to me as if you are feeling insecure and uncertain of yourself, your employment prospects and the changes in your life, something to consider anyway. i hope things improve for you. take care.

[MissLyss]

Thanks so much everyone. All your replies really helped, and I really appreciate it! It helps me put things into perspective.