[Nemi]

Okay. I know that there are many parents who would think that of course my parents won't allow this. However, I'm 23 and haven't lived with them my entire life. About two years ago, I moved in with my mother and step-father due to financial reasons. I've -never- lived with them before. My parents were divorced when I was two years old and my real father got custody (and he allows me to share a bed with my boyfriend).

My boyfriend lives in the UK and will be coming to visit for three weeks in January, but they insist that he spent those three weeks sleeping on a cot in the office. I don't see that as acceptable. We don't have a guest room and he wouldn't take my bed and allow me to sleep on the cot, either.

I asked them about this when I was booking his plane ticket and they said that it would be fine, but all of a sudden, they brought it up to me that it would not be okay for him to sleep in my room with me.

When I asked why they couldn't have told me before I booked the ticket, they said something about my older brother (by about seven years) complained that he wasn't allowed to have his girlfriend over and share his bed with her when he still lived with them (almost ten years ago). I have a sneaking suspicion that this is what changed their minds.

Now, my brother was a delinquent and was constantly in trouble with my our parents and the law. They were always very strict with him and very lenient with me. So their not making an exception for the first time ever really confuses me.

What confuses me more, is the fact that they also say it's because we're not married when I remember them, very clearly, sleeping in the same bed before they were engaged, not to mention hearing them as well... at age four (during my biweekly weekend visits).

Not only that, but I remember my mother sharing her bed with the two -other- guys she dated before she met my step-father.

However, my step-father is the one who has the problem with it most. I understand that it is his house and I need to abide by his rules, but I get to see my boyfriend so very rarely (every three to six months at the most) due to his living in the UK. It's not like I'm bringing home a different guy every weekend.

Honestly, I find this situation unacceptable, especially after telling me it was fine at first. This seems exactly like a "Because I said so" situation - a power trip.

I also want to add that I work eight hour graveyard shifts, six days a week and will have to do so while my boyfriend is here with me. Sleeping in separate beds will really, really cut down on the time we have to spend together.

Any advice on changing their minds (my mom is only going along with my step-dad, so her mind isn't really the issue)?

Thanks in advance.

[Guest]

well even though you are an adult, it is their house, so you are stuck with their rules.

have you asked them individually why the change in their opinions? maybe you should speak with your mum one on one and see what is really behind it. there may be some other things going between them that has ticked him off.

[rcoreyus]

I'm afraid that its their house so their rules. It may not be something rational - it may just creep them out.

[Nemi]

I would understand it totally if we had the option to go and stay elsewhere and if he lived in the same city.

What caused them to change their minds was my brother's complaining that he wasn't allowed to do it.

I mean, what if we were 30? Would they still disallow it? 40? They said if we were married, then fine, but hypothetically, what if we didn't get married? Tbh, it's just a legal piece of paper.

Anyway, I just tried speaking with my mom. She just kind of walked away and pretended I wasn't talking after saying that when she and my step-dad were dating, she was already past her 30's. Thus, making it okay. *facepalm*

Boyfriend's Catholic parents let me sleep in the same bed as him when I visited. I'd be visiting him again if it wasn't for work.

[Nemi]

I don't see how it could creep them out. I'm not his biological daughter, for one. For two, I've never lived with them.

It's like having an adult friend and their unmarried SO over and telling them they have to sleep in separate beds.

Also, with my being at work so much (at night), when I do get home and have to sleep, he'll have to be in another room. We wouldn't get to spend any time together, despite actually being in the same house for once.

All we want to is to fall asleep in each others' arms and to wake up next to each other. Is that too much to ask for, especially since we go -months- without seeing each other? How are we going to make the long distance work if we can't even see each other when we're actually in the same country?

[WildChild]

I can understand your frustration but it's their house, rational or not, you follow their rules. Can you find any alternatives? A friend going out of town and you could stay at their place? House sitting for someone while your BF is there?

[x.st.angel.x]

I had this problem not so long ago. I think you should try tell them that you are both adults and they should try put themselves in your shoes, being adults, and being treated like a child.

All you can do is try explain the stiiuation to your step dad. Tell him you probably wouldnt have booked the tickets if the arrangements were going to change.

But in the end the end it comes down to what they decide. But try the above first.

Hope this helps

[nubianqueen]

honestly, no matter how old u are, u are still living in their house. therefore, their house = their rules. I had a similar issue a while back...my dad told me that under any circumstances would i be allowed to have a guy come over and spend the night with me in his house! Cant u get a hotel or something or like other posters have said, stay at a friend's house who is going out of town?

[LanaBear]

Yeah - I pretty much agree with everybody else. It's their house, like it or not, it's their rules. Whether your 15 or 30, if you are staying with them, out of respect, you need to respect their rules.

[Explorer44]

It might be better to simply honor your parents wishes in their own home if you expect to have a positive relationship between them and your man in the future.
What someone else's parents do or do not do is not the issue here.
This is their home. You are bringing a visitor.
Your brother isn't allowed to have this situation, and they are holding fast to their rules.
Sometimes life doesn't go the way we plan, but we can control our response to it.....
Why create a rift over this? You can cancel the visit, find alternate sleeping locations, or just respect their wishes....