[Rayhne]

i just got out of a relationship with the guy that took my virginity. the relationship lasted longer than it should of because of that reason. durring the relationship he was very possesive and controling. he cheated on me twice that i know of. i had a very hard time with this but i stayed with him until recently and i finally ended things. but every night since the first time i found out he was cheating on me i have had terible nighmares about it. i can see everything that goes on. this is ruining my life! i cant move on because it still haunts me. will someone please give me some good advice on what i should do?

[Guest]

do you have someone you can talk with in confidence about it? have you dated since? maybe you need to do both.

[Sprite]

Did you have very strong feelings for him?? You say it lasted longer than it should have, why? Did you want to break up with him a long time before you actually did?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Please don't look at it as you are.

Your feeling that you stayed because he took your virginity and that is supposed to be special, you accepted the cheating as well for that reason, you wanted to feel that you made the right decision and that he loved you.

Take it for exactly what it is... He's a loser, a cheater, nasty and doesn't/didn't deserve you.

You can walk with your head high, you were in a relationship, don't allow anyone else to enter your life sexually until they prove their worth to you next time and let this go.

He wasn't worth it and he's not worth you feeling bad and neglected, cheated on in your first intimate experience with sex.

There are decent guys out there that would not do that to you, remember that...

So, don't close yourself in and not have faith okay.

If your still having the nightmares go and seek councelling and let it all out, rid of it and in the meantime, write down everything beautiful about yourself inside and out and place it on a mirror and then write everything horrid about him, burn that page and throw it to the wind and tell yourself, your beautiful he wasn't and now he is gone and therefore, so are the memories..

Please come back and let us know how you are...

CW

[Guest]

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you tried writing a letter? You should write a letter and NOT send it. Just get all your feelings out there. Say what you want to say to him in that letter. You need closure, I agree with CW you have keep your faith. If you let the dreams take over your life you'll never trust a man. You'll always have that doubt with ANY guy you date... it will be a "guilty until proven innocent" but by the time you realize the next guy isn't a jerk, it might be too late.

I suggest you should do some light dating. Nothing serious..... and that means sex. And when you are ready take it slowly. Good luck to you