[asiangrace]

My boyfriend and I currently live together in his dad's house. His father is a shut-in and very sick so my boyfriend stays here to take care of him and keep and eye on him until the time comes where his Father will need to go to a nursing home...Which we are thinking is going to be soon.
I stay at his dad's house and help out by cleaning and cooking. My boyfriend does house maintenance, and we don't have to pay rent.

Anyways, we both would like to get our own place together. We have found that we love living together. I have never had luck with any kind of room mates, but this has been such a dream.

We have talked about renting an apartment or buying a house together. However, he has not proposed yet (we have been dating 15 months) We know for a fact that we deeply love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. I am just waiting for the official proposal :-)

I really want to be engaged before we move ahead with plans of getting our own place together. How would I bring this up to him? I want him to propose on his own time, when he feels ready. But I also want to make it clear that I would like to be engaged before we serious about finding our own place.

This winter, I know he doesn't have a lot of money since his business his seasonal, so he's been stocking and saving money until business picks up again. I totally understand this. I'm thinking he'll have more money in the mid Spring.

Also, are my expectations or desires to be engaged before moving to a whole new apartment/house together too much?

What would be a good conversation started for that without sounding pushy? Like I said, money is low right now and he has a lot of pressure to save until mid Spring.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, your old fashioned Only joking

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel committed before living in a house together, as far as "Mortgages go", but the house would be in both of your names, I assume, as would your rental.

But, here's the thing. Your already living together, there is no difference and money is tight, for both of you.

I would prefer a man to propose to me, when he wanted to, from his heart, a suprise, rather than being forced to do so, due to living arrangements, therefore, without anything "special" about it.

I would ask him " where do you see us in the future?".... and have that conversation so you both know where your going. If he says, I see us together forever, married with children, to me that would be enough to give it ago.

Are you feeling this way, purely for the sake of "family" and how they would react?

Afterall as I said, your living together anyway

Have the other talk I think.. And, let things happen with the beauty of which marriage should be, him on a bended knee when you least expect it

CW

[asiangrace]

Well, your old fashioned Only joking

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel committed before living in a house together, as far as "Mortgages go", but the house would be in both of your names, I assume, as would your rental.

But, here's the thing. Your already living together, there is no difference and money is tight, for both of you.

I would prefer a man to propose to me, when he wanted to, from his heart, a suprise, rather than being forced to do so, due to living arrangements, therefore, without anything "special" about it.

I would ask him " where do you see us in the future?".... and have that conversation so you both know where your going. If he says, I see us together forever, married with children, to me that would be enough to give it ago.

Are you feeling this way, purely for the sake of "family" and how they would react?

Afterall as I said, your living together anyway

Have the other talk I think.. And, let things happen with the beauty of which marriage should be, him on a bended knee when you least expect it

CW

Hi CW!

Good point that we're living together anyways. I think the thing is, with me, is that there will be a lot of time and energy invested in house hunting, finances, deciding, etc... Right now, living at his dad's is easy. It's a nice house and we don't pay rent. I just want to make sure that here is the official commitment before we go through all the energy it's going to take to actually have our own place. Also, if we buy a house, it'd be a place I want to look at long term, raising a future family, etc...


My family would flip out if they knew we were living together. They are extremely conservative Christians and judge everyone and everything.
We don't speak at all, so they have no idea who I'm dating or where I'm living.

The desire is really just for my sake. But you have very good insight and advice. I would want him to propose to me from the heart, too and be surprised.

I think I just want the official commitment before investing a lot of time in house hunting.

But I know we do not want to live at his dad's for very much longer either. His dad is a heavy smoker and it's been bothering my allergies lately and he steals our stuff.

Maybe I just need to relax and live to learn and trust my boyfriend. I know he loves me. I know that what we have isn't just a "fling" or casual. We're serious about each other. I just want to be smart too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, for security, I would have a joint account.

I would establish what the rental will be or Mortgage, water, electricity, living expenses in other words, food, gas, there is so much that you have to way up financially. Know that figure, then from your incomes, devide that by 50% and have that amount always debited directly into that joint bank account.

Ensure your tenants in common in a Mortgage, or joint tenants on the lease of a rental.

I know where your coming from it's called "fear".. What if? And your left with either having to sell the house or re-lease the rental property, or worse pay it all by yourself.

I think though before you even do "either", you need to ascertain the average costs, here in Australia there is also Levys and Council Rates, add them all up, it's a lot to come up with every month.

Then there's furniture

Not trying to scare you haha, but just saying "forward plan", don't simply act.....

CW