[Ahryin]

hes clearly taking it out on the person he is closest 2...this just happens 2 be u
just try and be there 4 him as much as you can!

and hey.... not every girl get proposed 2 this much......what a compliment hehe

LOL!!!!! if you say so

[Ahryin]

How did he stop drinking? Through AAA, or cold turkey?

AAA, encourage you to establish "what" made you start drinking in the first place and to say that out loud to let it all go...

Maybe, he's trying to find "all" the reasons and has listed you as "one" of those reasons, a break-up and therefore has said it out loud.. But in the wrong context, that being "you only"....

If he went cold turkey, then he's going through withdrawls and that can make a person angry at having to let go of their little "comforter" the bottle and therefore puts the blame immediately on someone, in this case you.

We as individuals have enough problems in our lives on our own without taking on someone elses problem

It's his problem not yours so don't let it affect or eat at you.

CW

He went COLD TURKEY! I'm proud of him because I didn't think he would ever admit he had a problem period

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He went COLD TURKEY! I'm proud of him because I didn't think he would ever admit he had a problem period

Mmmm, ever thought of the fact that in a way, you've been his mentor? Off course it's your fault then, it's your fault he gave up, because he believes in you Therefore, he's just having a go at the person who has stood by him all this time, is now, and shows I am sure you've even told him " that your proud of him"....

[Ahryin]

Yes I have told him that but now i'm even more worried. I want him to quit drinking because it's best for him and his health. I'm afraid that if i'm the only reason he gives it up when I continue with my life and my choices he will use it to rebound. CW you know I have dealings with my ex, and my friend knows about him as well. I can't help but get the feeling he is doing this in an effort to win me. I have always been honest with him and there are SEVERAL reasons why him and I can not be together but he doesn't get it. I don't know maybe i'm being selfish, but do you think I should accept his advances just until I can get him into AA?

[WildChild]

Accepting his advances until you get him into AA will simply create the situation you said you want to avoid - being the reason he's doing it.

He HAS to do it for himself, because HE wants to and not because he thinks it will affect his relationship with you. Otherwise he'll end up cycling right back at you and will be blaming you.

[Ahryin]

I guess i'm afraid he is going to do that anyway. I want to get him into AA because maybe then he will realize that he REALLY has a problem and will have the support of an educated advisor to assist in his recovery. Though you are right it would create the situation I want to avoid. Its to close to home to avoid completly but I just don't know the correct way to address the situation.

[Guest]

tell him that you are not his wife, you are not his girlfriend, that you are his friend and that is all you are going to be. tell him that as a friend that you want him to get help and to go to AA, and that you will be there for him as a friend, but thats it!

[Karma3]

An alcoholic will blame everybody except themselves.
Let it go and just laugh to yourself about his comment. If he can't handle a break up at age 13 without hitting the bottle, he obviously had other underlying issues.
Alcoholism is a disease and I hope he gets the help he needs.

[danceintx]

Typical behavior of an alchoholic to blame everything and everyone else for their behaviors. In AA they teach you to take an inventory of yourself in the effort to realize what part you played in your mistakes in your life. You are not responsible for everyone else's weaknesses and screw-ups. I mean, who here hasn't been through a horrible break up or loss of someone they loved? Is it then another's fault if they become an alcoholic, drug addict, or criminal? He definitely needs to work a program. He still has the mentality of an alchoholic, he really needs to work a program to learn how to live sober, without the crutch he has had to deal with emotional issues.