[kygirl]

Aghhhhhh, a lot of men are total chickens when it comes to emotional connection. If you've ever kept chickens and watched them in a hail storm, they'll all run, following the leader, run right under a shelter and right back out again, they aren't thinking and can't percieve that they have a safe place, so they run back out into the storm. Scared to death - total blind panic, can't handle it, would rather face torture than love. I've been dealing with one. Can't cut it off, can't really be in it. Push me pull me. It's very sad and you have to feel sorry for them because they lose out - big time. It hurts them but they are so wrapped in whatever set it off (which they probably have no real clue of) that they punish themselves and every woman who close.

WC,

I absolutely LOVE the analogy. That is kind of perfect really. I think as a woman, all I can really do is be open and hopefully that the right man will realize he's got a good thing (a safe place, if you will), and not go crazy and run away...

I'm really hoping the new one is going to stick... something just feels really different about this one.

[sourpuss]

I honestly don't believe in 'gut reactions', male or female. I think when we think we're having a gut reaction it's just our mind/body putting together all the silent clues that we didn't even notice we were picking up on.

[kygirl]

I honestly don't believe in 'gut reactions', male or female. I think when we think we're having a gut reaction it's just our mind/body putting together all the silent clues that we didn't even notice we were picking up on.

I somewhat agree Sourpuss. I think the problem is that sometimes we pick up on things and then as humans, we assume the rest of the equation without actually finding out if our assumption is right.

Ex: assuming someone isn't ambitious because of their job, or that they are down on love because of their past romances...

I think I do it a lot (but at least I am aware of it) simply because being in law school, we are forced to play out scenarios, fill in blanks and figure out what the likely outcome will be. Unfortunately, people are not always quite so clear cut... or maybe fortunately

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Now I'm feeling horrible, when I look back it has been me that has left Each time...

Having said that each guy has not been able to communicate his feelings, or express anything other than ownership and sex, no understanding of relationships, in general.

I think that in my case, most men were bought up in my era that their Mother's did everything and they just had to work, come home, have dinner, sex and see ya later.

Their Mother's did everything. So, how are they mean't to be born in this new age world where both parties work and therefore, both parties help and still have a strong friendship with laughter and fun and equality to a degree? I still love a "man being a man" but I find it frustrating that they have no emotions or understanding of female emotions, that time of the month, women's things, they just think pfttt get over it...

In general terms I think this is what the problem is. Not being sexist at all, but that we have emotions and they weren't born to have them, we were due to carrying babies, we were born to feel so that we could understand and nurture. They were born to be the lion king Finding a female and giving her babies and hunting for food, carrying the load... Which is no different now, giving her babies, working for food and doing the heavy stuff, that's all they were taught, know.

Ask a man to read a book on how a woman's mind works and how to understand her, your asking him to be the Mother, in understanding her child.

How does that work? Some take the effort of exploring sexually to satisfy and some to understand emotions, but how many?

Simularily with women though. Some nag constantly about why don't you say you love me? Why this, why that, creating arguements when in reality that's the emotions getting led astray to in-security.

Strange world men and woman...

[Texinator]

On the bright side, despite all the problems still out there, I have a feeling that more and more people are starting to 'get it'

[danceintx]

I am with you CW, I have always been the one to leave, so I don't know about the guy's gut reactions or any of that. I did have this happen to me this past weekend, where mine kicked in. I was talking about dancing (as always) trying to think of good rumba songs. When I made the big mistake apparently of saying "hmmm, what about this one", the song my ex wanted a pole dance to. Well, he seemed to get upset and made some statements along that line, later I asked him about it. I asked point blank Did me bringing up that song upset or annoy you? He would not answer the question just talked around it. I kept asking in different ways, even said "ok, so that made me fill in the blank. Still would not answer, even made statements to me like this is on you not me for bringing up that song. But would never just say how that made him feel. After 20 minutes of that fiasco I had seen enough to have very serious doubts about my bf's communication skills. We had a long talk about it, but I am very concerned about it and was about ready to dump him right then. He just reminded me of my ex husband at that point in time. I'm surprised I didn't bolt.

[pretzel]

I am with you CW, I have always been the one to leave, so I don't know about the guy's gut reactions or any of that. I did have this happen to me this past weekend, where mine kicked in. I was talking about dancing (as always) trying to think of good rumba songs. When I made the big mistake apparently of saying "hmmm, what about this one", the song my ex wanted a pole dance to. Well, he seemed to get upset and made some statements along that line, later I asked him about it. I asked point blank Did me bringing up that song upset or annoy you? He would not answer the question just talked around it. I kept asking in different ways, even said "ok, so that made me fill in the blank. Still would not answer, even made statements to me like this is on you not me for bringing up that song. But would never just say how that made him feel. After 20 minutes of that fiasco I had seen enough to have very serious doubts about my bf's communication skills. We had a long talk about it, but I am very concerned about it and was about ready to dump him right then. He just reminded me of my ex husband at that point in time. I'm surprised I didn't bolt.

Quick thought, what if the song you suggested had a much less sexual tone to it? Say for instance a song that you had told your boyfriend that your ex hated and hoped he never heard again?

Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's shoes could change one's reactions.

[lonelyxdreamer]

I think so.

I've been on dates before and just knew they weren't for me. Sure, they were nice, but not nice for me. I think men and women both do this. I think also it depends upon a person's personality. There are thinkers and feelers. Some people logically think through, others feel compassion. Some do both. My best friend sees a project in every man. She is moved by her compassion to always want to help out the local loser, only to find nothing but heartache and grief. I don't think we can narrow this to a particular person. I believe it has a lot to do with your personality as well.

[lucybelle]

YES YES YES! My boyfriend of little over a year dumped me completely out of the blue. I had seen him on Valentine's day (a Tuesday) and we had a great time. Just enjoying each other and having fun. That same week on Saturday, he came over and broke up with me! He told me he wanted to "break up before we couldn't be friends any more". That certainly didn't make any sense to me, and we certainly aren't friends now! He told me he had talked it over with his cousins, and they agreed with him. With his cousins? How about talking to ME, the person you have an issue with? I think he was scared of a good thing (we had never even had a fight) and ran. Oh well. He's a pot-head jerk now! Glad I got out!

[danceintx]

Quick thought, what if the song you suggested had a much less sexual tone to it? Say for instance a song that you had told your boyfriend that your ex hated and hoped he never heard again?

Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's shoes could change one's reactions.

Oh, god. I said ex. I meant bf. The song my current bf wanted a pole dance to. Ooops! Fruedian slip??