[CHANDLERS WISH]

Can't falter what Tex said because that's reality...

And, I remember that you had never met his Mum before and now you have

Maybe take the emotions out and don't be the planner for once in your life and go with the flow as well.

You will know in due course how you feel... He has told you frankly and honestly where he is at and how he views it and if he says things like "that's something I love about you", it is a different statement than I love you but it's a connection of sorts, something he admires.

The more someone admires, the more they love about that person so why stare into a crystal ball if you don't have the powers to see the future?

CW

[sourpuss]

...if you focus too much on the future, you're going to miss out on the present.

[Ahryin]

Tex,

That's what I was saying earlier in one of my replies about my mother and father. Not saying that I am her, but stating that she made that mistake and has paid her entire life for it. She constantly compares men to my dad (unconciously, I see it but she doesn't), she expects them to do as my father would do (stating that he showed her how she is supposed to be treated) and is alone, lonely, and unhappy. I DO NOT want that to be me. It is my belief that the only reason they were not together is because she left. My father still loved her and she still loved him but they both allowed their pride to rule over their heart. My father never commited to another woman after my mother and my mother has had failed relationship after failed relationship.

[Ahryin]

...if you focus too much on the future, you're going to miss out on the present.

I like this quote

[Texinator]

The past is history, the future is a history, but the present is a gift

[Ahryin]

The past is history, the future is a history, but the present is a gift

What is this a battle over quotes I like the most...lol I like that one as well..good ish Tex...good ish

[Texinator]

Haha, sorry, my Internet was being slow and I didn't see sourpuss' quote until I posted mine.

[newhere808]

He has not told me word for word that he does not love me. I have considered that maybe he does and just can't bring himself to say it. Especially since he shows me a lot in ways that I would consider a show of love. does things that you would only do (or that I would only do) for people you love. He has at times said "thats something I love about you...."

When it comes to love, and what I consider to be the real thing, actions speak far louder than words. If you feel loved by this person, and he shows that he loves you in how he treats you and who he is to you, then it is a pretty safe bet that he does love you.

The hangup lies in that whoever hurt him way back has put it in his head that love is a direct path to pain, which for some it certainly can be. You certainly don't want rehabbing his heart to define your relationship, but if you feel loved by this man and you love him back then I think it may be worth a little more time.

[caterpillar79]

Like you, I am a planner. No other thing would impale me but the failure to plan. And mind you, if I plan, I really do a marvelous job, because I put my best in doing so.

This skill that I take pride on is not applicable in my previous "life" as a GF. I think you need to scale back on being a planner just for this reason. Like everybody says, live for the NOW or you'll miss out. The future is brighter if your present is already.

That being said, I reckon you stand by and stick with him. You said, love is giving and not expecting anything in return - true...then, do it.

He is a wounded child, and only he can rid of the pain, not you. It is healthy that he recognizes his present emotional state, and manned up to tell you before hand. I have respect for such man. Yet, he needs to be man enough to face his demons on his own, and you must be strong enough to face yours.

His is the fear of hurt, of being vulnerable again, hence, he's always had his walls up even with you. But the fact that you've met the mom is a positive thing - I can see something that could possibly happen later (but don't get too excited yet - it may or may not happen).

I have read your posts and all the replies to this thread, and I can identify some of the "events" with mine. I was told that he "doesn't" love me the way that I love him - I was terribly hurt. Like you, I could not reconcile the words with the actions. He said word for word that he didn't love me, but during the peak of the (bf-gf) relationship, every touch, every thing he did communicated his love for me.

When we first had one of the major break-ups, I stayed emotionally present for him as a friend, a support - I did because I love him, and did not expect anything in return, he knew that. Second (and last) major break - up (before marriage), was when I was told I was not loved. I made the decision to cut all communication and try moving on, did not work. I knew he IS the one for me, but I didn't know how to let him know. I waited for a sign, but went on with my life as if I were really making it better.

Unknown to me, he worked out his issues when we're apart..THIS is the part I wish your SO would do or could have done. If he has not, wait for him. Everybody is different. He has the maturity and guts that would take you to the clouds if and only if...

Live each day as your last, that is how I was able to survive the challenge of loving my (now) husband, when we were still dating.

Until now, I adhere to this thought. You will never know what would happen tomorrow. So while you can, LOVE...and love with all your heart.

[ThexMrs]

I know that you personally asked me for my opinion but I am at a loss. Instinct would tell me that you should end things. Why? Because it's like the carrot at the end of the rope. It dangles in front of you but each time you get close the one holding that rope yanks it away from you. At the same time though, when you love someone it's so hard to let go. We're essentially in the same position and that is why I am at a loss. As much as I have thought about completely ending things, I can't. It's been almost two years for him and I and my love for him keeps me holding on even with the uncertainty of a future with him. He loves me and I love him but sometimes that's not enough and I really believe that. Good luck girl... I really wish I could have helped.