[kerry-]

I broke up with my boyfriend about three weeks ago because well we both decided to as he didn't love me and didn't really care about the relationship and I just gave up . I miss him but I'm just on such a rebound I've already gotten off with two guys I know and agreed to be ...well sex buddies with a friend of mine (we haven't yet because my periods are all over the show right now). I just hate being alone I feel so pathetic for being so young (18) but having this mega crutch of lonliness.
I just need help in getting over him, I know he was a terrible boyfriend but I miss him, he wants to be friends but tbh I think that would just make it even harder for me so I've totally excommunicated him I think I'm just going with all these guys as a way of burying it but there has to be a healthier way of doing so?

[sexybabe]

you have to face all the hurt and heal your heart completely before getting involved again, otherwise, you will just end up sabbotaging all your future relationships. take your time to heal. you need it. i know that the loneliness can be unbearable that you try to do whatever it takes to feel worthy again. avoid sleeping around just to feel worthy again. right now your self esteem is totally down the drain and sleeping around wont do you any good. whatever you do, don't bury those feelings. allow yourself to feel them no matter painful the process may be. i know that sounds scary but that's what you need to do in order to heal. then when youre ready (and even when you think you dont need a bf anymore) you will begin attracting great men who will treat you right.

youre still young. there's so much more that life has to offer. pick yourself up and move on

[Guest]

i agree with the poster above. you have to allow yourself to have those feelings of hurt and sorry. they are so part of the healing process.

i am a little confused about the breaking up but wanting to be friends thing on his part. was there maybe more to it? that sounds less like what guys do and more what girls do.

i know it'd be awful hard to be friends, at least at first and maybe for quite awhile. but do you think he is being sincere about that?

[Mes T]

Gosh I can't even imagine being friends with an ex, unless we were never serious to begin with or something...!

My best friend is a lot like you, in the sense that she HATES being alone and doesn't wanna do it, even if it means having a bunch of meaningless flings all over the place that all actually end up hurting her in the end.

My advice to her has always been to STOP dating/seeing/sleeping with men ALTOGETHER. For a few months, at least. And enjoy the wonderful freedom of being completely and utterly single. Use this time to build your character and grow into the person that you want to be.

Lots of times, when we're in relationships, especially when we're young, we "lose" ourselves and various opportunities to grow as a human being. So take time out for yourself to do this first.

Find happiness FIRST, and THEN find someone to share it with. Your relationships will be sooooo much better if you stick to that philosophy.

[kerry-]

i agree with the poster above. you have to allow yourself to have those feelings of hurt and sorry. they are so part of the healing process.

i am a little confused about the breaking up but wanting to be friends thing on his part. was there maybe more to it? that sounds less like what guys do and more what girls do.

i know it'd be awful hard to be friends, at least at first and maybe for quite awhile. but do you think he is being sincere about that?

Yeah I think he was like he always tries to talk to me and stuff but since I've been quite responsive in a "okay I have to answer you now" kinda way I think he's given up because he can see that I clearly don't want to be friends

[newhere808]

Personally I think it a mistake to go into a rebound relationship at all. A relationship isn't something to use to get rid of the hurt from a past one, its something to look forward to while moving on from the past one.

Otherwise you run the risk of just carrying that hurt and frustration with you to every relationship you enter until relationship mean little more to you than a distraction or instanct graification. Not to say that's what your doing, but that is a very common result.