[Moi]

I've been with my bf for about a year and we love each other. however there is something that has always been a small issue.

When we are both passing through good times it doesn t come up and if i m in a bad state and he is not it doesn t either. The problem however resurfaces everytime he is passing through a difficult time. Last time he told me that he feels that we depend on him, to always come up with ideas, answers or care.

I know that it is partially true, coz, you see i ve been the youngest from my family for a long time until my cousins started having children, and i've been treated like the youngest for quite some time aswell...i think even now that i am 21 O_O... and even though i wasn t as spoilt as one may think i still was always looked after and i never had to look after anyone else.

But now i need to look after him when he needs and i think i do that. i care deeply for him and he knows that but it doesn t seems enough. I rarely have good ideas for us to do, we always end up watching a dvd and eating at home (mind you i love that). We like staying at his home coz outside atm it is very cold :P so there is not much we can do and for me to come with ideas it is even more difficult. actualy the problem is when he is in a bad mood i have no idea what to do should i act normal and make him forget his bad mood? we usually talk it out after his bad mood is gone coz if i try before it ends up with either of us being hurt by something we say unintentionally.

I really don t know what to do, i want to be there for him every moment, i want the relationship to depend on both of us, not i being the defensless one and he my protector all the time. I want to show him i can be responsible and mature when he needs...the problem is (probably cos i m not) don t know how, can you please help me out i really want this relationship to work out from every aspect..

[stressed]

How about planning a weekend trip for you two, where you will both only have each other (no PC's, no Tv's, no everyday habits) to take a break from the stress and enjoy each other, maybe have long conversations in a fresh and calm environment, and the come home to both try and make little changes and compromises that will make your lives easier.

But most of all remember that even if this won't work it's not the end of the world. It doesn't HAVE to work, many times it doesn't. If he's constantly in a bad mood then this will eventually affect you and you are going to have many arguments. Give it a good long try, but don't force anything to happen.

[Hopeless Dork]

To be a better girlfriend, you yourself have to be happy. It's hard to want to give your best to someone when it feels you are not getting the best from them.

If he is doing all the things that make you feel special and loved, then you can show him how special and loved he is in SO many ways.

If he had a bad day at work? Let him some time to unwind before adding to his stress levels with anything that might be petty. If he's not in the mood to talk, let him be sometimes... get behind him and rub his shoulders only talking about light-hearted things.

Go out of your way to do little random surprises... something that would make his day a little bit easier. Whether its bringing lunch to his job for him, getting gas for his car ... etc.

Its best not to ask him about his bad mood while he's smack in the middle of one... that will only lead to a worse mood and an argument. Instead, when things have calmed down ask him what was bothering him, if he doesn't feel like talking about it, let him know that he can if he wants to ... that you just want him to feel better, give him a kiss on the cheek and drop it.

Go for a walk, exercise together, go do some kind of physical sport together, play a video game or a board game, invite another couple over for dinner, etc. There are things you can do to have fun and enjoy each other that don't require being out in the cold or spending lots of money...and the more fun you have together the happier you both will be.

[ARusden96]

I personally would say to ignore him when he is in a bad mood, if you try to do something nice for him and he refuses it then let it go and ignore him. That is a man's #1 complaint about women, that women cannot simply just let it go. If he's in a bad mood, let it go he will get over it and when he does you will be your smiling self and ready to have fun.

Girls seriously need to learn to have more confidence. Next time he is in a bad mood tell yourself you dont care, go to the gym and by time you get back I bet he's over it becuase #1 he will realize you aren't going to sit around and take his crud , and #2 he will feel like an idiot for being in such a bad mood. try it.

[stressed]

I personally would say to ignore him when he is in a bad mood, if you try to do something nice for him and he refuses it then let it go and ignore him. That is a man's #1 complaint about women, that women cannot simply just let it go. If he's in a bad mood, let it go he will get over it and when he does you will be your smiling self and ready to have fun.

Girls seriously need to learn to have more confidence. Next time he is in a bad mood tell yourself you dont care, go to the gym and by time you get back I bet he's over it becuase #1 he will realize you aren't going to sit around and take his crud , and #2 he will feel like an idiot for being in such a bad mood. try it.

That is true. There is a good chance he will even apologize for being in a bad mood and ruining your day with it. Let him be and he will realize it.

[newhere808]

I personally would say to ignore him when he is in a bad mood, if you try to do something nice for him and he refuses it then let it go and ignore him. That is a man's #1 complaint about women, that women cannot simply just let it go. If he's in a bad mood, let it go he will get over it and when he does you will be your smiling self and ready to have fun.

Girls seriously need to learn to have more confidence. Next time he is in a bad mood tell yourself you dont care, go to the gym and by time you get back I bet he's over it becuase #1 he will realize you aren't going to sit around and take his crud , and #2 he will feel like an idiot for being in such a bad mood. try it.

This is a very childish approach in my opinion. It's one thing to give someone time/space to come off of a bad mood, but to act like you are totally indifferent about it is something i'd expect out of a highschool romance. Guy's do complain about that, true enough, but it's usually in regards to a girl not letting go of a past gripe or misstep, not about their girl caring about what's going on in their lives.

Part of being in a mature relationship is learning how to be there for eachother. This could be far more than simply being the one to initiate plans or anything of that nature, it really just depends on the person and their SO. In regards to his moods, when a person is in a bad mood, male or female, how you approach them about it is what will make your difference.

When I was younger I often got snapped at when trying to help any girl I knew out of a bad mood, after growing up a bit I learned that oftentimes a suggestion or a fix is not what is wanted, but an empathetic ear. You have to learn how to take care of your partner, not apply a generic set of rules to each situation, that is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make with their partner in my opinion. The fact that you want to be better for him is a good sign, but it's gonna take a little time and a little feeling out on your part, and ideally he will reciprocate in kind.

[ScaredandExcited]

You just need to understand him more, its important to talk about both of your problems, dont make it out that your blaming him but just talk about what he thinks would be best for you to do while he is in a bad mood, weather he would have you cheer him up & make him laugh or would he rather you let him chill out by hiself for a little bit until his ready to talk ect... Dont be too hard on eachother, look for places to go out where you both will enjoy yourselfs. Like me and my mr we have booked a ghost walk for valantines day!!!! As weird as it is we choose were we both wanted to go, so do something crazy or romantic ect... Once you find out what is best for you both to do youll find the tenshion will pass. A week away somewhere hot will stop aguments and ect... i did it with my mr we went to lanzarotte for a week and it was great!!! We did ague, not once. So good luck x

[Moi]

hi again,

thanks for all your advice in 2 weeks time we re going abroad for the carnival and now we just need some weird ideas for costumes to wear ^_^

It seems that due to work problems and exams both of us have been quite tense. I m sure this issue will resurface again but hopefully i'd know how to handle it better.