Part 1 the lies
Lying: This is the first major problem we have. This may have existed throughout the marriage but I am only really aware of it for the past 5 years or so. That is when a very serious betrayal happened. Everyone’s in laws are crazy and you just accept it as part of life, but she didn’t. She travelled out of state to their house with the kids a few times without me so she could get away to a warmer climate. Her last trip was disastrous and she felt she had to cut it short suddenly and did. This caused some serious problems and I took her side, she was my wife but hated the rift with my folks. I worked very hard and finally got everyone to agree to forget about the past, let’s move forward and be a family again. This worked great for a few weeks but then wife told me she wanted to send them another angry letter saying she is still upset about this and that and how could they do this or that. I said to her you must understand how important this is to me, I am begging you please do not send a letter. She looked me in the eyes and said “I love you and respect you and understand how important this is to you and won’t send a letter” then she immediately ran off to the post office and mailed such a letter. I had no idea and was verbally attacked by my brother a few days later how could she send a letter – what letter I knew nothing about it. She denied it at first and then fessed up. It might have taken me a day to get past it but then I said to her “Look you are my wife and I support you and will take your side the consequences with my family if you understand this hurt me worse than if you were sleeping around” and promise never to lie to me again. She agreed but the lies continued. Sometimes they were about tiny things. We have joint money and separate money and she would frequently have to run to the bank to make a deposit to cover a check because she liked to have a lot of cash on her. I volunteered to make a deposit for her the bank was near my office. She handed me 80 singles. I joked – what am I going to a strip club? I can’t take that in my wallet into NYC I won’t be able to sit. She replied that’s all she has, maybe a $5 bill in her purse and she doesn’t now how she was getting through till her next monthly check. This is despite my paying all the bills, just her mad money or spending on the kids after school. There had been a lot of lies before this so when she was in the shower I violated her space and looked in her purse – there was over $3,000 there in every denomination. I am doing her a favor and she punishes me by giving me singles? She has lied about the cost of items not small lies but huge ones. When her grandma was doing us a favor so we could borrow a few grand and pay off the 401K loan to take out a bigger one she lied to me saying no her grandma couldn’t give her the money yet but then suddenly came home with a Channel purse. I logged into her separate bank account and saw she paid about $2600 for it. WTF. Please understand when she lies about money and says she doesn’t know how she is going to get by I feel bad and make bad decisions based on the info presented. I may then juggle a bill till my next paycheck and give her $500. Her lies were not just about money they were about everything small and big. I reminded her that every lie takes me back to that betrayal where she looked me in the eyes and said she loved me and promised she wouldn’t send that letter. Every lie we repeated the conversation that I can’t live like that but they continued.
Here is another good one. She was prescribed strong narcotics – Percocet for her arthritic like condition . She would get 180 at a time. I had surgery on my arm a very painful ulna shortening and was prescribed weaker medicine Vikoden and would occasionally take one for pain. I was responsible saying my arm is killing me are we sure I don’t need to drive anymore tonight can I take a pill? She was stealing my pills. I long thought I had some missing and started locking them in a safe I only have access to, but on vacation after getting a fresh bottle of 20 noticed 3 were missing. She denied so I started to question my kids. After my oldest was in tears she finally admitted she took mine. More on drugs in a later post just deal with the lies here.
It finally got to a point where I tried saying if you don’t want to answer don’t just don’t lie. That didn’t even work. How messed up is it that a husband has to tell his wife not to answer instead of lying. The next progression was to stop asking questions.
Lying: This is the first major problem we have. This may have existed throughout the marriage but I am only really aware of it for the past 5 years or so. That is when a very serious betrayal happened. Everyone’s in laws are crazy and you just accept it as part of life, but she didn’t. She travelled out of state to their house with the kids a few times without me so she could get away to a warmer climate. Her last trip was disastrous and she felt she had to cut it short suddenly and did. This caused some serious problems and I took her side, she was my wife but hated the rift with my folks. I worked very hard and finally got everyone to agree to forget about the past, let’s move forward and be a family again. This worked great for a few weeks but then wife told me she wanted to send them another angry letter saying she is still upset about this and that and how could they do this or that. I said to her you must understand how important this is to me, I am begging you please do not send a letter. She looked me in the eyes and said “I love you and respect you and understand how important this is to you and won’t send a letter” then she immediately ran off to the post office and mailed such a letter. I had no idea and was verbally attacked by my brother a few days later how could she send a letter – what letter I knew nothing about it. She denied it at first and then fessed up. It might have taken me a day to get past it but then I said to her “Look you are my wife and I support you and will take your side the consequences with my family if you understand this hurt me worse than if you were sleeping around” and promise never to lie to me again. She agreed but the lies continued. Sometimes they were about tiny things. We have joint money and separate money and she would frequently have to run to the bank to make a deposit to cover a check because she liked to have a lot of cash on her. I volunteered to make a deposit for her the bank was near my office. She handed me 80 singles. I joked – what am I going to a strip club? I can’t take that in my wallet into NYC I won’t be able to sit. She replied that’s all she has, maybe a $5 bill in her purse and she doesn’t now how she was getting through till her next monthly check. This is despite my paying all the bills, just her mad money or spending on the kids after school. There had been a lot of lies before this so when she was in the shower I violated her space and looked in her purse – there was over $3,000 there in every denomination. I am doing her a favor and she punishes me by giving me singles? She has lied about the cost of items not small lies but huge ones. When her grandma was doing us a favor so we could borrow a few grand and pay off the 401K loan to take out a bigger one she lied to me saying no her grandma couldn’t give her the money yet but then suddenly came home with a Channel purse. I logged into her separate bank account and saw she paid about $2600 for it. WTF. Please understand when she lies about money and says she doesn’t know how she is going to get by I feel bad and make bad decisions based on the info presented. I may then juggle a bill till my next paycheck and give her $500. Her lies were not just about money they were about everything small and big. I reminded her that every lie takes me back to that betrayal where she looked me in the eyes and said she loved me and promised she wouldn’t send that letter. Every lie we repeated the conversation that I can’t live like that but they continued.
Here is another good one. She was prescribed strong narcotics – Percocet for her arthritic like condition . She would get 180 at a time. I had surgery on my arm a very painful ulna shortening and was prescribed weaker medicine Vikoden and would occasionally take one for pain. I was responsible saying my arm is killing me are we sure I don’t need to drive anymore tonight can I take a pill? She was stealing my pills. I long thought I had some missing and started locking them in a safe I only have access to, but on vacation after getting a fresh bottle of 20 noticed 3 were missing. She denied so I started to question my kids. After my oldest was in tears she finally admitted she took mine. More on drugs in a later post just deal with the lies here.
It finally got to a point where I tried saying if you don’t want to answer don’t just don’t lie. That didn’t even work. How messed up is it that a husband has to tell his wife not to answer instead of lying. The next progression was to stop asking questions.
I find it amazing that you are still sticking in there. Like WC said is does sound pretty one sided.
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