[SNORELL]

Hello, very confused. Have been married over 33 years and even though the last 5 have not been great, I never expected my husband to have an emotional affair with a 29 year old, (younger than our two older children). Having a rough time with this forgiving him....he has agreed to counseling which is a first, but the trust is gone. I change daily between rage and sadness especially since the girl was soooo young. Almost makes me ill to think about it. But the sad truth is she is looking for a sugar daddy to bring her to the states and he was mislead, so sad! How do you ever trust again?
Signed, Lost
PS We have three grown children and three grandchildren together.

[p3375]

S
I'm sorry you're havn such a rough time. Understand the 'rage and sadness' feeligs. Maybe time will help.

If I may, would like to suggest counseling for you too. Not as a couple, but just yourself. You might be surprised at the insights a good counselor can help you find. You would likely discover on your own, but counselor may be able to help come out of dark feelings lots sooner.
P

[SNORELL]

Snorell

To P.

I already have a counselor for myself, went the second week I found out about what he was doing. It does help, but crazy how much this can kill your self esteem, but I'm working on it. Lost 13 lbs, so life sometimes has a silver lining. Thanks for the post.

S

[Mes T]

I'm very sorry for your situation, I can imagine how devastating that might be... To find an emotional affair, in the most unexpected place!!

While I am extremely against cheating and think that in many cases it would be a deal-breaker, an end to the relationship, I truly think that given your history and how long you've been together and everything you've shared... that it's very possible that you guys will be able to work through it. Once he figures out WHY he did this, then you can move forward and start to rebuild that trust.

[SNORELL]

To Mes T.
We have grown children and young grandchildren which is the main reason I'm trying to keep it together. I basically know why he did it but it's still hard to digest that a middle aged man would go for such a young girl, 27 years younger, younger than some of our children. Like mixing geratol and bubblegum. Well, thanks for the response, it's just hard to trust again. When he finally showed me his e-mails, I cried then almost laughed at the immature nature...like they were back in high school. Oh well, life carries on. S

[happy ending]

do you mind me asking where he met her, did he tell you about it or did you find out some other way, i'm sorry you've had to deal with this, i hope you can move on.

[SNORELL]

dear Happy Ending

On a medical mission where he should be acting like a professional. Go figure. We are trying to put the pieces back together. I found out because someone called me although I already knew something was up. My husband is not into computers and him getting up at 5:00 am to e-mail was very unusual. Sad thing is you always get caught. Thanks for the post. S

[happy ending]

oh well at least its all out in the open now, i just hope you can rebuild your trust and move on. i suppose it was an ego boost for him, having a young woman to flirt with.

[rcoreyus]

Its very common for men to be attracted to much younger women. Of course they shouldn't act on that attraction if they are married. So I wouldn't worry about the attraction or her age - nothing unusual there. You should worry about why he acted on it.

Do you think he feels he is missing something at home? Maybe wants more adventure, excitement? Maybe just wants to feel young again. (that is a common one). Whatever the cause, if you can figure out what motivated him you may be able to change your lives in a way that he no longer has the motivation. T

What are you considering an "emotional affair" in this case.

[SNORELL]

To rcoreyus,
I realize as men get older they want to feel young and alive again and our marriage has been tough the last five years...but regardless of the reasons, it's not right to secretly e-mail a young girl and also text her. I was able to read them and they weren't appropriate, especially with regard to our line of work and who she was. We are trying hard to regain new love for one another, showing each other more affection, attending marriage counseling, and I'm also seeing a therapist to get through my trust issues...which are daunting. But each day gets better. I guess to me an emotional affair is one in which two people tell their inner secrets and feelings. It's also something that could and probably would have led to a physical affair. Thanks for your post, it helps to get these feelings out. Hopefully....we will have a much stronger relationship because of this, It was definitely a wake up call.