[Guest]

...I suffer from depression. Last spring, I went into a bad spell. My spouse of 14 years developed a relationship with someone else. That was the response to my illness. They fell in love while e-mailing each other about musical interests. The day after my birthday (which was almost forgotten...) I was told that sexual desires would not be ignored. "I won't deny my sexuality with..." were the exact words. My spouse had spent three days making a birthday present for the new love, almost forgetting mine. Really, I don't blame my spouse...I am a piece of crap and hard to live with. My spouse of 14 years expects me to accept polyamory...many loves. Loving me, and loving the new person as well. This person appears in my house; I'm expected to be happy. One night, I went to sleep thinking the world worked one way. I woke up the next day to be told that no, it worked another way. We have three children...divorce is not an option. I will never find anyone else anyway. These two decided to re-write the rules of my life. What do I do????? Everything negative I have ever believed about myself has been confirmed. I wish I were a big enough person to accept this polyamory...but I'm not. Divorce is not an option...I've been told that I have 'veto power'. To start with, I think that's a cop-out, a way of evading responsibility. And if I vetoed, I'd be resented, ensuring the end of the marriage. I LOVE MY SPOUSE. I AM INADEQUATE, SO THERE WAS A NEED FOR SOMETHING NEW. THIS PROVES THAT I'M A FAILURE. You won't post this 'cos I'm a man.

[kaylar]

Philo, will you stop putting yourself down!
That's the first thing you have to do.
Stop putting yourself down.

Divorce is ALWAYS an option.

I can tell you of women who walked out
of their homes with the clothes on their
back and two dollars in their pocket...
so don't think you can't leave.

What appears to have happened is that
you have accepted your spouse's assessment
of you as creed and feel you have to put
up with everything.

I feel your depression and all these bad
feelings has to do with your spouse.

I don't see why you don't just leave.
Just run off.
Pack a bag and go, work out your depression.

You are no use to anyone, including yourself
in that frame of mind.

If you go somewhere else you might find
you like yourself better.

[housewife]

My Dear,
if stay with this man, you will spend the rest of your life sick,
you can live alone and much happier and healthier. why not close this chapter of your life and move on ?
you said twice that "divorce is not an option"
it is the only way to your happiness.
you mentioned that you love him
I am sorry to tell you that you are in love with the person you wish he was not the real one.
get real,
wish you the best,

[Little]

Your spouse is taking advantage of your negative thoughts and is violating the sanctity of your marriage. This reeks of abuse! You need to start thinking of yourself as a useful person, which I am sure you are. Your thinking about the children is admirable, but how good for them would it be if they are subjected to your unhappiness with your spouse day after day? You need to change your situation.
I hope you are able to do that soon and for the better!

[tinkerbell930]

That is crazy

Men aren't exluded from rights! You have 3 kids? And you think divorce is not an option? Do your kids want you unhappy? Even small children can feel the emotions a parent is going through. If your spouse is insisting on bringing someone else into your home and marriage your only choice IS divorce. It may seem like the end of the world, but it is brand new beginning for you. Being difficult to live with doesn't mean you can't find someone that will love those things about you that your spouse has made you feel are difficult. EVERYONE has things that another person will find difficult to live with, but not impossible to love. Give yourself a break, your spouse has no right to do this to you. Affairs happen all the time and I am a survivor of it. I had one and my ex-husband had one....life seemed over (we had 3 daughters and a brand new home), it wasn't the greatest event in my life, but it didn't cripple me. We have both remarried and are able to get along for our kids sake....it is so much better now. I wish you the best. Things can work out no matter how awful it looks right now. Open your heart and someone will come along and love you the way you should be loved!

[Guest]

Wow!

You need to stop putting yourself down! Your children need you, and need to see you making the right choices. If you haven't taken anything for the depression it may not get better. I have suffered from depression for about 13 years. I have good times and hard times. Please consider taking an anti-depressant. If you think it is too expensive, Wal-mart has a list of $4 dollar medicine that you can work out with your doctor. They can also provide you with samples. You need to stop letting your spouse choices devalue you. You are not the problem! Your spouses selfishness is the problem!! Please move on! It would be very hard in the beginning, but will make you understand and love yourself a lot more. Your life seems to be on hold right now. Please consider divorce. You deserve to be happy!

[missJambi]

dont you DARE put yourself down. men do this stuff....you are not the only one who goes thru this. it is his problem he cannot stay faithful not yours. i cant believe he is being so heartless! but like i said,men do this crap. just wait, in time he will do the exact same thing to this new girl....i dont even know how you fall in love with someone by talking online! he is a stupid fool...he will pay in the end, dont worry. i know it hurts...A LOT...but he is the one who will get his come uppins.

[tinkerbell930]

MissJambi---you just told a MAN that "men do this"....he is talking about his wife doing this to HIM! Women aren't always innocent! Just thought you might like to know who you were talkin to!