[TWills32]

You should really have a talk with him and let him know your feelings about marriage. Let him know you do love him and want to have a child with him, but do not need a marriage to prove that. It's something you both should really talk about. Make sure you are committed to each other, and ready to bring a baby into the world.

[Hopeless Dork]

Being a single mom... I can tell you first hand that for some guys its quite easy for them to walk away from being a father. Life happens, things happen. I never meant to get pregnant and I did and the father decided being a father was not for him.

I've had to hold my son and wipe away tears when he asked why he doesn't have a dad like all his friends do. To see the embarassment in his eyes during parent teacher conferences when an unknowing teacher asks... well what about his dad? Or when someone automatically assumes he has one and says ... you can ask your dad to help.

Its HARD. Its fine for me, and he's a very well adjusted good kid and we are getting through just fine. But if I was able to pick a situation for us... I would definitly pick him having a father.

This man has told you he doesn't want a kid til he gets married... but the bottom line is you guys are not married and so he doesn't want a kid. Doesn't want a kid. He is telling you this clearly.

If you push and decieve he may be so upset at the deception that he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby. And you may feel okay with that. But you'll have to sit down one day with your child and explain his lack of a father to him.

Sometimes things happen when you least expect it and you have to roll with the punches, and so does the child... and its the hand life deals. But I think to go out of your way to try to decieve a man into fathering a child he doesn't want... is creating an unfavorable environment intentionally.

I am very sorry for the loss of your child... there is just no words that can begin express the sympathy I feel for your situation and everything you went through and continue to go through.

If you want a baby without marriage, this might not be the right man for you... and you should press on. Or talk to him more on the issue and see which one of you is willing to give , either you to marriage, or him to fatherhood without marriage. But until you reach that decision, bringing a child into the mix wouldnt be fair to them, I don't think.

My child has had to endure a lot of humiliation from kids that make fun of him for not knowing his father. I am glad that I had him and don't regret it one bit... I love him more than life. But I wouldn't have chosen to have him endure all that he has. And right now you are in a position to choose the kind of envioronment for your future baby. I hope that you consider it.

[LadyWench]

I think this is wrong on so many levels. If you want a baby so badly, but not commitment, maybe you should consider a sperm donor?

[Soapgirl]

My mother and father were married in 1971, in 1974 my sister was born. My mother had a very difficult labor, and almost lost my sister. When she tried to get pregnant again a few years later she miscarried, she was told the labor with my sister left her uterus scared and she could conceive, but she couldn't carry a child past the first trimester. She and my father remained happily married for another 8 years until she got pregnant with me and did not miscarry. My father believing he got "roped" into another child did not want to be a father to an infant in his 40's. He left my mom ( a house wife), my sister 11 at the time, and me 10 months old and never looked back. I have never met my father and my sister and mother have not seen him since he left. He literately vanished. My point is this. My biological sperm donor ( as I like to call him) felt trapped ( even though he wasn't) and bailed. Even though my mother did a wonderful job raising me, I still felt like it was my fault he left. If I hadn't been born my mother would not be alone and my sister would have her father whom, she adored. As an adult I realize that it was his decision to leave, but those scars linger. I'm not saying your guy is going to ditch you if you do this, but he might. If you are still reading these boards please don't do this, he might bolt on you, and as hard as you might try to tell the child it's not their fault, they will blame themselves. Trust me I did for many many years and I would not wish those feelings on anyone. If the feeling for having a child are over whelming and he doesn't agree then you might not be meant to be with him. You can do it by yourself if you want. I was raised by a single parent and I love and respect my mother for the strength it took her to do it. You can adopt or use a sperm donor, but please don't trick this guy, it will backfire on you.

[RDDS]

He lives in UK, I live in US

I met him about three months ago. I am not going into details how it is a long story. In three months we met 5 times. Speaking about meeting, I am going to UK on Friday(03\26). He is a wonderful man. He's got a good personality, he is a wonderful lover, and so many good qualities. I trust him completely. I am not affraid of him cheating. He talked about marriage a few times but I tried to avoid the subject. He did not talk again about it. I want his baby, I know that is selfish. He will not move to US. He wants to stay in UK. I don't want to move there. I already moved from one country to another. I don't want to move again. I am confused, I am not sure what to do. I thought if I have his baby he may want to move in US. Again...selfish.
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

[RDDS]

Should I let him go? I love him. I should explain this a little better. If I married him before I get pregnant I have to move to England. He will not move to US. Tricking him, getting pregnant before marriage I might change his mind to move to US. I am going to England on Friday to see him. I talked to him today and he is so excited to see me and I have such of dirty tricks in my mind. I feel like I am the most horrible person. What is in my mind??? He is such a good person.

[sourpuss]

Don't. It's not right, for anyone involved.

[Soapgirl]

Should I let him go? I love him. I should explain this a little better. If I married him before I get pregnant I have to move to England. He will not move to US. Tricking him, getting pregnant before marriage I might change his mind to move to US. I am going to England on Friday to see him. I talked to him today and he is so excited to see me and I have such of dirty tricks in my mind. I feel like I am the most horrible person. What is in my mind??? He is such a good person.

I'm sorry if I'm being to personal here, or if what I have to say upsets you, but just from what you posted, You and your guy don't seem that compatible.

You live in the U.S and don't want to move to England. He lives in England and doesn't want to move to the U.S

You, due to a bad experience from a previous marriage, do not wish to be married again, at least not right now. You believe you are ready to have a child and want to have a child. From what I understand about what you wrote he does wish to get married and doesn't what to think about having a child until he is.

These are all serious differences, ones that need to be discussed open and HONESTLY. My advice to you is, when you go and see him, talk to him. Tell him what you want out of life and this relationship, and ask him the same thing and listen to him. Ask him to be open and honest about what he wants out of life and this relationship.
Relationships are about communication, compromise, and sacrifice. Tricking someone into making all the sacrifices will only lead to resentment and heartbreak for you both.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Should I let him go? I love him. I should explain this a little better. If I married him before I get pregnant I have to move to England. He will not move to US. Tricking him, getting pregnant before marriage I might change his mind to move to US. I am going to England on Friday to see him. I talked to him today and he is so excited to see me and I have such of dirty tricks in my mind. I feel like I am the most horrible person. What is in my mind??? He is such a good person.

Honey, your in a long distance relationship... Your in US, he is in UK... He doesn't want to livein the UK.. So you feel that if you got pregnant he would... Nup, it's long distance, he would just stay where he was, he's made it evident he is either not ready or doesn't want a child..

What worries me? Is that he's excited to see you, YOU are spending your money right? And hoping on that plane to see him yes? And, if you have dirty tricks in your mind your talking about sex? And, you've told him this?

To excite him? And he is...

How long has your relationship been?

Has he come from US to you?

He may be playing a little and I'm not trying to scare you but be very, very careful.. Love can be one sided, Chemistry can be both sided.

Tell us a bit more..

CW

[Fatin]

aah i hate if that happened to me and i know how girls can be selfish sometimes .. i mean this is us right! well in the way that i see it .. i think u should move there i mean how bad can it be? cos if u want to have his baby and let him come to u .. girl that is just selfish n who knows u might like it there in UK! cos as long as ur going there on friday look around u and picture urself living there and see what will happen