[snuffie]

The initial plan that my ex wanted was for us to buy together in the local area where we are both from and for my ex to work where he was posted through the week and return home on weekends, this for me had both positive and negatives, yes it was less movement and stability for me with my job and also when we had children, but with things changing him returning on a weekend wasn't a given and i could go a long time with him away from home. I think he wanted best of both worlds which isn't a bad thing for him to want. To be one of the lads in the mess monday to friday and have a loving and adoring girlfriend waiting at home.

[Little]

Has he contacted you at all?
I take issue with you saying that you'd be happy playing second fiddle. Isn't that just exacerbating your insecurity? You, like everyone, deserve to have someone who loves you completely and is capable of putting you first. It seems very romantic that you're the girl waiting at home for him, but as you live it longer and longer and you hit that deployment and you realize that you won't see him for months - you realize it really isn't romantic. It's lonely and sometimes very pathetic. And it's sometimes the manifestation of a controlling nature in the man. They have to have someone at home, they don't care who, while they're away. You should be thankful your ex wasn't like that.
Unless you have a very nice job that you couldn't relocate, I find it strange that he wouldn't want you to come live with him on base or near to him. Officers can cohabit with people who aren't their spouses, not like enlisted who have to be married to live off base. How far is it from your hometown to his station? It must not be far if he comes home every weekend, but it's much nicer to come home to someone every night than just on weekends.
It seems to me he was doing both of you a favor, unless you notice that he has since moved on to another woman or something like that. Unmarried officers get the shaft on missions and deployments a lot, since they "don't have a wife and kids."
I suggest you give yourself some time to heal and then move on. That time to heal may take days, weeks, months ... even years. You don't have to date anybody to "move on," just don't make yourself utterly miserable. Most people feels like they'll never get over it when they are in a break-up. But very few stay so miserable for the rest of their lives. If he decides to contact you and get back together while you're letting yourself heal - great. But I wouldn't count on it ... counting on it isn't very healthy for you.
Hope things work out for the best. Keep us posted.

[snuffie]

No he hasn't contacted me as of yet and its been 2 weeks, thank you Little for your advice It really has helped me. Like I said I think he wanted the best of both worlds, I know how he felt about me but maybe that was not enough in the current situation, he is currently based about 1 hour away but that changes in december. Im spending time on myself and time with my friends. I finish uni in 4 months time and im applying for jobs I have so much in front of me right now and so much to look forward to!

[Little]

I'm going to put my foot in mouth because I've assumed you were from the US - but now I think maybe you're from the UK?
Things may be different over there with rules and deployments, even with soldiers' attitudes. All my experience with the military comes from the US - laws and regulations, that sort of thing. I don't really know how universal some of it is.
But after any breakup, it's best to do just what you're doing. It's the best way to heal.

[snuffie]

Yeah I am from the UK, in the british army you have to be married to co - habit in the forces house. He said he didnt want me moving round to bases where I would be isolated from my family and friends, which would really come to the fore when he was away on exercise and deployment and in the future with him / us wanting children he didnt want to disrupt them every 2 years.
Im getting to the point of thinking it wasn't that the love was gone between us, it really does feel very situational his lifestyle fueled my insecurity but my therapy is helping that. Same people different time it could have all been very different. I know he is hurting as much as I am, I wasn't quite aware of how much I meant to him till the split. I love him with all of my heart but I need to focus on me otherwise it will tare me apart.

[snuffie]

Hi just a bit of an update on the situation, at the end of it I was left with so many questions and I havn't spoken to my ex as the period of time he asked for isnt over (it's only been one month) but I spoke to a good friend of his thats based with him in the army and she's a girl. She said that he hadn't really spoken apart from to say he still loves me but he thinks this is best. She said prior to splitting he had said "he was scared about the pressure of him being in the army and you (me) wanting him home when he couldn't be" that he couldn't give you what you wanted but what he also wanted to give you.

I don't know what to think of it, the love and passion is still there between us......what to do or think?

[emill91]

Hi I was wondering if you could tell me about what ended up happening with your situtation? Did you end up speaking to him or did anything change? I am kind of in the exact same situation as you were in and don't know what to do! It's been several months since the breakup and I still miss him like crazy and still really care for him. I was wondering if you could tell me how you managed to move on if that's what happened. Thanks so much hope it doesn't hurt or upset you to bring it up again!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi em,

Welcome to WH, this thread commenced in 2010 so I am not sure if the OP set her emails to receive replies.

I suggest if not, that you start your own thread. I can tell you that Little who has posted on this Thread, our Admin was in the same boat as well. She's married now with a son to someone else.

Look forward to you being a part of WH.

[emill91]

How do you start a thread??