[Hopeless Dork]

I don't play games and have no interest in the men that require them/are stupid enough to fall for them. A lot of guys say they hate games but ughhhh are terrible suckers for them, thrill of the chase, blah blah blah.

Luckily for me, my boyfriend managed to stay interested in me despite the fact I didn't spend weeks ignoring him/treating him like I didn't want him.

[Maximus]

Is it an age thing though?

For instance, a young lady is up against, all the young men, whom aren't ready to settle down into a relationship, unless, someone special really attracts him, otherwise, he's having fun.. So hense, in my opinion the rule applies, it's not a game, rather, treading very carefully and making a point of stance.

In the early 20's + onwards, well, I don't see that we have to be so guarded, a man should be a man and know what he's looking for, but still, does it not depend on finding out a bit about him? Where he is heading in life? What he is after, and off course, what she is after.

At my age, I'm too old for games, just one thought, never on the first date, why? IDK, I just think it gives a message of "horny" instead of " like"... and a chance for that second date, and just a tad more "bond" and sex with a little bonding, is way more orgasmic than one of just sex, with a stranger, I think.

Then again, can I change my mind? Chemistry = orgasmic= never mind

CW

Chemistry = orgasmic= never mind
What a wonderful equation !!! And so True !!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

games are about "control" - is that what a healthy relationship makes?

true, but sleeping with someone doesn't guarantee a "relationship"..

that if a woman is "too easy" many men back off or vanish. The reasoning seems to be that if he can get her into bed easily, so could any other man.

True, unless you are bold enough to talk about your sexuality, your morals, core values ,over your dates, before sleeping with them.

Kind of like visualisation, this is who I am what I am about and I am darned if I am not going to be myself

[pretzel]

true, but sleeping with someone doesn't guarantee a "relationship"..



True, unless you are bold enough to talk about your sexuality, your morals, core values ,over your dates, before sleeping with them.

Kind of like visualisation, this is who I am what I am about and I am darned if I am not going to be myself

Absolutely agree, especially with the unwillingness by both genders to express their sexual feelings honestly. I know in my case if my wife would have been honest with me up front how she felt about each partners role in a successful relationship, both sexually and morally, our own marriage would be different (if we had gotten married at all).

The end result of games whether played by the lady or the man is most certainly about control, but also as much about ones own personality. If you're willing to play "games" to further a relationship, then chances are the things being hidden because of this eventually come out and come out in a much more resentful way.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's the hard part Pretzel.

My ex-husband for instance, "played games" because as soon as we married, same thing, things were different.

I made up my mind once I left, that I will be me, 100% and if anyone can't handle it pfttt and that I am a free spirit and in that, I have no problem discussing, intimacy, values, morals, beliefs with a future partner..

It's quite amusing, as some I dated, saw it as a "seduction tool", thinking that they could lure me, sexually, as a result of those conversations, in-other-words, thinking with their........ Which immediately told me, that they were purely not ready for any form of deep relationship, rather, trying to find a partner, to fullfill their desires for the time being.

Yet, with David, we held conversations over it, including discussions of how men think pertaining to a woman who sleeps with him on the first date and discussions on intimacy, bonding, getting to know a person and the difference, then sleeping with that person, to, being yourself sexually without fear and he was able to hold that conversation, in the right light, using his "mind" not his "do da" lol's... and converse.

Guess, that is one reason why he won..

CW

[pretzel]

That's the hard part Pretzel.

My ex-husband for instance, "played games" because as soon as we married, same thing, things were different.

I made up my mind once I left, that I will be me, 100% and if anyone can't handle it pfttt and that I am a free spirit and in that, I have no problem discussing, intimacy, values, morals, beliefs with a future partner..

It's quite amusing, as some I dated, saw it as a "seduction tool", thinking that they could lure me, sexually, as a result of those conversations, in-other-words, thinking with their........ Which immediately told me, that they were purely not ready for any form of deep relationship, rather, trying to find a partner, to fullfill their desires for the time being.

Yet, with David, we held conversations over it, including discussions of how men think pertaining to a woman who sleeps with him on the first date and discussions on intimacy, bonding, getting to know a person and the difference, then sleeping with that person, to, being yourself sexually without fear and he was able to hold that conversation, in the right light, using his "mind" not his "do da" lol's... and converse.

Guess, that is one reason why he won..

CW

Well, he is a lucky man for sure. Wish the best.

Irony is that our convesations before we got married weren't that different. It's the end result that's changed.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mmmmm..... but were those conversations just conversations? Or did Actions then, match those conversations and then changed later down the track...

I wish I knew the answer for you, I really do

[pretzel]

They changed after the fact.

That's the biggest part of my frustration.

[WildChild]

True, unless you are bold enough to talk about your sexuality, your morals, core values ,over your dates, before sleeping with them.

Did this in detail, over several conversations and for a few months it was right on target. Then he completely changed it.

I'm at a loss why someone would do this.
As you said CW, I am simply who I am. The only changes I've made have been the result or in response to his changes. This isn't the first time I've dealt with this although not in quite this way.

Getting back on the thread, I think some people get their thrill or satisfaction from the early part of the relationship. When the newness wears off, instead exploring what could be with the deeper connection that comes from really starting know each other and be comfortable together, they take off looking for the excitement of the new again. In that sense they are looking for the chase. It may also be a fear that if someone really gets to know them, they will fail to meet their expectations.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Out of their comfort zone? It's what the "wished" they could be? And, being in love, made them start out that way? Then reverted back, because they just can't be that way?

Also back to the thread, which really above, is part of it..

I think that, like everything in life, it takes two.. And, it seems that one always seems to be more "in-tune" with themselves, free and the other one, isn't, can't but will "state they are" in order to keep that person...

I also think that girls have it tough...

Regardless of age, we were always taught to be "good girls"... We never visualised that we would be used, we were all bought up with Princess, Snow White stories, and yet, even if we went down the path of not giving, for a long time, or full stop, this also created problems, as the man, "can't wait", and moves on.

I do think that there are many various reasons for women to hold out, play a game if you will, because she rarely wins.