[Yvee]

Everyone screams that Western society has a trend for late marriages and motherhoods. It seems that it is normal to see a 30 year old women pregnant with her first child or a 40 year old couple marrying for the first time. The generally idea is - first get a career, then get a family.
However on this site it seems that there are a lot of people who marry and have children young.
I guesss my question is, how old do you believe one should be when they marry/have children?

[WildChild]

I think you should get your education and get a good start on a career before you think about marriage. Once you marry you should give it at least 3 years before you think of having a child.

[Yvee]

1) what determines the "start" of one's career?
2) why wait that long before having children?
3) why getmarried only after the start of your career?

[LanaBear]

I think one should marry and have children when they feel the time is right. I do think if you wait for the perfect time, for you to have done everything that you want in life, then there will always be something else to accomplish and there will never be the "perfect" time.

I got married at 19, had my first child at 24 and second at 28. I have many friends who had their first child in their 30's.

Again, I can't stand the societal trends of what people say you should do and when. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about everyone else.

[WildChild]

If you can't yet support yourself then you certainly can't support a child. We need to get past the thinking that everyone "should" have children. I have seen so many people who have them for all the wrong reasons, they are trying to keep a relationship going, they are trying to create a relationship, they are trying to prove something, they have (without knowing why) a number in their heads they have to have X number of kids by X time. They have them because they are "in love" or married and think that is what they "should" do.

Lana may have married young but she waited 5 years to get pregnant. That got them past the infatuation/honeymoon phase and gave them time to be a couple before they added a child to the mix. That is a wise thing to do. I have known many people who's lives were turned upside down because their kids had kids they couldn't care for or support (I'm not talking uncontrollable economic situations) and then there they are on their parent's doorsteps with all their problems.

Every couple is different. Some people mature much earlier than others and some never mature. I believe very strongly that we need a deeper sense of responsibity about reproduction. If someone can't see the value in waiting to have children until they have a livable income, a stable relationship (certainly longer than 2 yrs) and a stable lifestyle, then they need to wait. If you choose to have a child as a single parent then the income earning ability and stability are all the more important.

It can't be all about you, it's about the child. You can't predict what may happen, it may seem to be the "perfect" time and then things could fall apart rapidly but why start with the deck stacked against you?

[LanaBear]

WC is right and I should have elaborated. Being able to support yourself is the key, don't be selfish and have a child because it is the "hip" thing to do, my sister did that... And she no longer has custody of either, much larger story, but it is what it is.

I have been working since I was 14 (babysitting much earlier) and started in a sense, supporting myself at 15. I didn't want to have to rely on my mom for clothes, money, etc. because she had just gotten a divorce from my father who did everything in his power to not pay child support. I didn't want her to have to worry about my school clothes, car, vehicle, etc. So, I bought my own stuff, paid my own insurance and car payment, was still involved in school activities and sports and still maintained, at that point, a high B, low A average.

So, I've always been very mature, my life always made sense to me. BUT I knew how I wanted to live my life. People scoffed at me by getting married at 19 and swore that we would last 5 years.

Again with the ridiculous trends of society. Get married, don't get married, have kids, don't have kids. Whatever floats your boat, but like WC said, don't do any of the above out of selfishness because when you do, it more than likely will not work out. You need to be mature and need to be able to support yourself, you can't go into it thinking you can rely on someone else.