[eyks]

Long story short: My bestfriend and I were inseparable. She didn't date much and when I wasn't dating we were a little co-dependent on each other. Then I met my husband and she became over emotional about it saying I never spend time with her and treated her like poo since meeting him. But I tried involving her in all activities we did in groups of people and invited him to our place so they could get to know each other. She would hang out once and a while but never showed interest in him. He even went above and beyond by paying for any of her meals and drinks while we were out and received not even a thank you! She has a large personality and doesn't mind being called a smart *** . But he has never let that ruin his hopeful view of her.

She then decided to move home then join the military and my husband and I were married. Ever since then our friendship hasn't been the same. We still get along and consider us really good friends but she no longer keeps me up to date on her life. Yet she still makes a point to come visit me a few times a year. But when she's here it's like there's a huge elephant in the room that no one acknowledges. My husband is still a gentleman around her but has learned to steer clear.

I know I need to bring this issue up and clear the air. How do I start this conversation without ruining her trip here and making the rest of her stay awkward? How can I tactfully ask her why she resents my husband and how to fix it?

[Mes T]

We know why she resents your hubby, because he took away all that extra time you two used to spend together. My best friend is exactly the same way.

You... might just need to lay it all out on the line. "You're very dear to me and I want you in my life, but your unwillingness to accept my husband is not excusable by me. This is the man I love, and I'd like you to show our relationship some respect."

Honestly I'm surprised your husband has been such a great sport about it for so long.

[jns]

She needs to find a SO. Maybe her being a smart one interferes with her starting a relationship. When she has her own SO, she will understand your loss of attention to her.

[eyks]

Yes, I know that is part of the reason, but it wouldn't be a smart thing to accuse her of - the conversation would go down hill from there. I don't understand why after 4 years she's still holding onto it. My husband has the patience of a saint! And I find it funny that she's been in a serious relationship this last year. She was engaged. She would call me and tell me about a close friend that would accuse her of not spending time with her and treating her like poo! So you would think my friend would know how I feel now that she's experienced it, but she acts the same!

[jns]

I stand corrected.

[eyks]

Sorry I should have thrown that in when I first wrote it

[Mes T]

I don't know. Do you really need someone like that in your life? One option is to move on to other friends. If she wants to come around and stop acting strange, she will, in her own time.

Another way to broach this subject with her might be something like, "It hurts me that you and my husband don't get along. Do you not like him? If not, why?" And just get her started from there.