[lechic]

Hey everyone. I don't even know where to start:

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years. I have suspected things happening with him and other girls, but I never had proof...so I never said anything. Little things like locking his phone and not wanting to be around me as much and not answering his phone when it rang, and blocking me from seeing his facebook.
About a month ago, I saw a picture of him that another girl took. Come to find out he went somewhere with said girl. I said i'd try to get past it with him and I'm aware that people make mistakes. We proceeded to delete our facebooks to stay out of that scene, and work on us. Well...deleting out facebooks didn't have anything to do with it, because he was still seeing this girl. Last Friday he was acting really really rude and I finally broke up with him. Which is what I feel like he was trying to drive me to do. But...i didn't really want to do it. I feel like he just left me with no choice at the time. But I thought he'd be back. We didn't speak for a week, and we just started talking the other day. He said "this past week has been the best week because there has been no drama"...meaning "it's been the best week because i can mess around with this girl and you're not hear to find out".
Fast forward to a couple days ago, I'm talking to my friend on the phone and I was like "what do you know about Stacy?" (not her real name, but you know). And shes like oh, "i heard about her. i heard her and him have been spotted around town together. so now i'm furious. i call him and i'm like whats going on???! and he's like he only saw her a couple times and blahblahblah.
He then proceeds to say "i don't want to be in a relationship, i just want to be free, i dont want to have someone that i HAVE to be around"...and i'm crying, so then he says "well...i just need a couple days to think about it"
Now, when I first found out about this girl, he told me and SHOWED ME a text that he sent her that said "i can't talk to anyone who isn't my girlfriend"...come to find out he didn't send that text. SO.
I took to facebook and wrote about her. I was angry and though it was childish, I didn't know how else to get my anger out. I needed answers and I was gonna get them SOME way.

So he finds out what I did, and he calls me and says "i hate you, i don't love you, you're stupid, you're dumb, i dont care about anything you've ever done for me"...and i'm like...why? you said you dont even have this girls number and now you dont love me because i wrote something about HER? like just straight up defending her.
And then SHE sends me a message on facebook and we get down to facts. come to find out he told her that we broke up 2 months prior, and that she's not a homewrecker and she knows how it feels. now my ex is furious, because he didnt want us to talk because obviously his lies were coming out. so he calls me and says "i'm never speaking to you again blahblahblah"....because i guess she texted him and said "we need to talk"
So he doesnt answer my calls or texts and he's saying he's never speaking to me. but yesterday i look on her facebook and it says "feelin nice with my boo"...and he liked it. we've been together for 3.5 years and he moves on THAT FAST?! i feel so broken down. like when i read that i broke down. i literally broke down. i was on my knees praying to god for the pain to go away. just 2 days prior i found out that he was cheating for over 2 months, and now it's his boo?!?!?!?
basically, how can i get over this. i'm soooo angry and i don't even want him back. i just feel like he owes me some answers. i just feel like he should have enough respect not to DISRESPECT ME. i feel like i look so stupid. like he obviously likes her.

not to mention, she has a kid. he's 22. and i know that he may want to find what else is out there...but he could have found a better way to go about it. not treat me like pure sh*t. like it feels like i'm seriously in a bad movie. he didn't have a job, he lived off unemployment, he doesnt have a car...he doesnt have anything. but i loved him for HIM and honestly was willing to overlook it all. but then he did this to me. i'm so hurt like i feel like i dont want to sleep i just want to drive. drive awat from everyone and everything. i keep crying and this is my first huge breakup and it's SO messed up. like he just cut me out of his life and is now with this girl and i was blindsided by it all. i need some help and or support. i just can't take this and i dont want to resort to doing something stupid. i just need to get over it...and i cant. i dont see how someone can just change like that and treat another girl the way that i wanted to be treated all along. how do you forget 3.5 years in a few days??? i cant stop crying.

[lechic]

please help. i'm going literally crazy over this. it seems so surreal.

[WildChild]

It always hurts, there is no speedy way to get past it, its a matter of time.
Get off the Facebook stuff, that isn't helping you. You know this has gone on for a while and he has apparently reassured her, Just leave that alone.
Get busy, workout, get out with freinds, volunteer someplace, buy yourself flowers, take walks, clean your place from top to bottom - wash that man right out of your hair.
You'll soon be feeling better and wondering wny you stayed with him for so long.

[lechic]

it's so hard. it's SO hard. i can't believe you can just let a 3.5 year relationship go like that. and then act like I'M the one who did something wrong by finding out, so he's acting like he's not talking to me? i just can't believe the nerve. you have nothing else going on for you in life, so you add CHEATER to the mix? i can't believe it. i really can't. and it makes me more mad because he's talking to the girl he left me for. which is usually how it works, but it just makes me look stupid and it feels like he literally ripped my heart out. like i was literally on my knees praying to God for the pain to stop. i can't take it. i can't take it. it's really taking it's toll on me. i can't express this feeling in words. i can't. i feel like i'm looking at a bad car accident. it's horrible but you can't look away. i feel like iNEED to look at her page (his is private, hers isnt) and see whats going on. i'm torturing myself, but he also did a great job of torturing me. i just can't believe someone is so heartless. even if he was uninterested...don't keep me around! we would have still been together had i not broke it off and he would have still been talking to this girl! i just can't believe it.

[jns]

Be comforted in the fact she now has the same deceiving and lazy bf that you used to have and that it is only time before what goes around comes around. As for you, you deserve a better bf. Somewhere out there is the one for you. Enjoy the quest to find him.

[Hopeless Dork]

The signs were there early that he was not committed to you. Hiding his facebook from you? I'm sure your spider senses were tingling (and rightly so) on that one.

Even if you cry and attempt to guilt him into staying with you... what are you really getting if you get him back? You are getting a guy that at some point down the road will say all the same things he's already said ("I don't care about what you've done for me"), that will do the same things he's already done (lie and cheat).

You are worth more than groveling to keep a guy that doesn't deserve your dedication. Let him go. He wants to go... let him be. As much as it hurts as much as you miss him -- you can't force someone to be into you if they are not. Even if he seemed like he was in the past, you can't base your feelings in the past... you have to base them on the way he is treating you in the present.

Its best to not be dillusional about things, best not to sport the rosy tinted glasses and pretend to yourself what he's done isn't all that bad, that you can make it work and get past it because... you're going to keep having trust issues with him. He doesn't sound ready for the kind of relationship you want. He's said so himself... there is no other 'proof' you need. Don't ignore the words he says, hear them, and let them be the catalyst to you realizing you don't need someone like him.

You may feel at this point that you are too invested to let go. 3 years is a long time of sharing your life with someone and it probably feels like a waste to you if you don't stay with him... but sweetie its not and you can't see it that way. Instead, see it as a life experience, a chapter in your book. And by leaving now after only 3 years you are free to go on to find someone that is more of a match for you, someone that won't hide their facebook, lock their phone, say cruel things, lie, cheat.

You are young and have a whole lifetime of love ahead of you. I know he feels like the one... but he isn't. He obviously isn't. The one won't make you feel like you feel right now, he won't.

Don't worry yourself with what girls he is seeing and if they are or aren't good enough material for him. Let him worry about that. It seems he isn't looking to settle down anyway so probably doesn't care what situation this girl is in... etc.

If you take him back, it will be for all the wrong reasons. BEcause you miss him and are lonely... not because you truly believe he's going to be there for you and love you and respect you and treat you like you deserve to be treated.

You have to let him go, you have to busy yourself with friends, family, work, school, hobbies... and to try to occupy your mind so that you don't just sit and think of him. Time will heal all these strong feelings and open wounds... so right now your best bet is trying to make use of the time its going to take to focus on yourself, your needs, your goals and your happiness.

[lechic]

I'm trying to let him go. I don't want him back. i'd be stupid to take him back. i'd NEVER believe him. but what hurts is that HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT ME BACK. he doesn't like me like that anymore. and it kills. he wrote me this long text saying how he's sorry and that he still loves me and everything. but i just don't believe it. he said "i'll be your best friend but i cant be your lover. i've been unhappy with you for some time and it made me do things i shouldnt have done"...
it just makes me wonder what was REAL in our relationship. so i called him and i let everything out and i said that i can't be his friend at all. told him how much he hurt me. and i asked him if he was happy wih her. he said "i'm not with her"...and then i said do you want to be with her? "no"...but i can't believe that. and even if i don't believe it...it doesn't matter. he prolly just said that not to hurt me while i was on the phone, you know? the situation is so crazy. it just literally puts a pain in my chest. i just want to get over it and stop crying.