[BabyGirl]

KM.. All of the advise given prior is great advise. The main thing is to Confront her without being Confrontational. And never do it while she is sauced or yourself for that matter.

If the others in the group are also offended by her or feel offended of how she treats you and others in the group, when drinking... It is time for a group " Intervention". Have a "Get Together " with as many in the group without her ( and Hubby) there.

Discuss the offences and solutions on how to confront her together as a group, so she gets the message that it isn't just between you and her. Discuss the " Proof or Evidence mentioned below . Then make a plan to take turns or appoint someone to " capture" the Behavior.

**In this day and age we have access to video cameras, If you don't have one, borrow one, rent one but get one.** Have one with sound included in the camer***

So be agreed on your next planned group function have the camera available for "action " when she gets to her Bad Behavior Mode.

Between the group, you all should be able to pass the camera around or have someone get enough to have say a 10 minute "Movie". Make sure she does not feel the is the only one being video taped. Drunks love to be the center of attention and she may " behave herself " for a camera shot. Called Personailty Posing..

So start with a group taping of her when sober and when the gradulal progress of when she gets drunker and starts the negative bashing of others. Make sure someone is focused on her and is close enough to capture her words. You don't have to tape the whole function, but as I said have it ready for the offensive behavior.

Later, have another group meeting , without her and view the video together. Decide if it truly portrays her behavior ?
***Do NOT EDIT anything from the tape/ Disc... Make a copy to rewriteable disc, whatever Audio/Video player one of the group has. ( this can be done earlier by someone who knows about this stuff ).

If putting to a DVD , you can save that file and do another DVD of you and others in the group.. Calmly and firmly commenting on her actions on the DVD.

The most helpful one is something like below, with each person in the group speaking their mind.

" Hun you are ( Give her Good Qualities, as many as possible) add the words when you are SOBER. But when you are Drunk ( add what you feel. Not just her actions but how it makes you feel ) Be Calm, Loving and in a Supportive way of offering help to her to get help for herself.

Combine the " Her bad Behavior and Good before drinking files to the DVD as a before and after or combination of them together on a DVD.

Plan a group meeting ( Party/ Function in a home with a Player or laptop that can be seen by the group and Her )

Since her Hubby & your Man are Best Friends this is the time to let your man notify her Hubby that you have a Tape/ DVD and do a private showing with Him to see it and get his Opinion of if he feels he will be supportive of "Confrotning " her in a group setting with Video Proof of what Alcohol does to her ?

**~** Remember he loves her and lives with her and probably goes thru much worse than the Group does and possibly he is afraid of the backlash from her in their marriage if he confronted her alone. He has maybe done this already and just gave up on confronting her to save or stay in the marriage..

If he agrees, plan another group function when all involved or offended will come, make sure the DVD player is in that home/ place.. ( laptop in a park or beach works too ) So it can be played for the group.. Make it a place that Children cannot see and cannot be effected by the DVD. And make it a non Alcohol " function".



Get the group together, chips, dips, water, soda's. Give the normal hugz & Luvz and then ..

Sit her down, She will need to sit. Start out with we want to show you something.. This can be done by Hubby or even you, since you have felt more offended for yourself and friends.

PLAY THE VIDEO/ DVD. DO NOT TALK OR COMMENT DURING IT.

Let her soak it in, let her feel, Let her cry, Let her get angry, Let her walk away !!

If she stays, ask her how she FELT ????

Then Let her Speak Her mind, her feelings.. Let her Vent about herself. Do Not interupt until she is done. Have Tissues ready but also have some for yourselves.


Then you may Ask questions of why or how she feels she must "Compete " as a beautiful woman and friend and why she speaks out in bad behavior when she has alcohol ?

Does it make her feel more " Loved "

Attention/focus on her/ Popular = more group functions or friends that want to be around her.

Ask ..

1) Can she be a better Friend/Wife/Group member ( Mother, Kids, Caretaker ) if she doesn't drink ?
2) Can she be a " Planner/Cook/ Designator Driver/ Clean up crew ?
3) Can she go o a Function or BBQ or Party and be the One that does not Drink and that will make sure everyone is safe and gets home ?

Next is, Does she want to and sadly..... Do You or your group want to ? Say yes to the 3 questions above ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~****************************~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Intervention with friends and loved ones is a positive when it shows love. Recognition of your ability to grow and accept Intervention... Shows you grow and can pass on..

Your knowledge, experiences and dedications to friends and family members that you love.

[pretzel]

BD definately makes some great points, however,

her #3 is why #5 will never happen.

You can be civil to her in social settings, but you'll never get her to realize the type of person she is. It's called narcissism.

[Ashlee T.]

her #3 is why #5 will never happen.

You can be civil to her in social settings, but you'll never get her to realize the type of person she is. It's called narcissism.

I don't think it's about making her realize what kind of person she is so much as making KM realize what kind of person she is and decide she's not going to be willing to accept it. #3 is just my own observation of this "Friends" behavior, not something I think KM should say to her "friend". And I also think it's important when you shut someone out of your life for them to at least hear the words of why, hence, #5. It may do nothing for them, but for you the one that actually cares for the person, it provides some groundwork for closure.

[pretzel]

I don't think it's about making her realize what kind of person she is so much as making KM realize what kind of person she is and decide she's not going to be willing to accept it. #3 is just my own observation of this "Friends" behavior, not something I think KM should say to her "friend". And I also think it's important when you shut someone out of your life for them to at least hear the words of why, hence, #5. It may do nothing for them, but for you the one that actually cares for the person, it provides some groundwork for closure.

That's very true. Sorry for misreading (old age)

[KMonte85]

It is kind of ironic... I'm the type of person who won't take any carp from anyone. I've "corrected" many people, many times when I felt they were being inappropriate. Under normal circumstances, I have no problem telling someone who is out of line where to go. But I act so differently towards her... I make excuses for her, saying she was just too drunk to know better, or she's depressed and doesn't know how to handle it - all excuses, not justifications - and none make it okay.

ugh... I really do just need to bite the bullet on this one and get it over with. I have to not allow my anger or nostalgia or sympathy towards her to get the better of me, I have to be level-headed... and I have to just tell her. GAH! Why is it so hard!?

[Hopeless Dork]

She's so heckbent on trying to say that a relationship is not successful unless a couple becomes married. To me a successful relationship is one in which both parties are happy. Her sticking her nose in everyone elses relationships is an obvious sign that she herself isn't very happy... if she was she wouldn't be so worried about everyone else was doing in theirs. Rather she sounds MISERABLE... and you know what they say about misery :P


She sounds like she doesn't have a lot to feel good about in her life if her being 'married' is the thing she uses to put herself on a pedestal, better than everyone else. Not everyone wants what she wants... not everyone measures a relationships success in how many babies they manage to breed.


But I guess the subject matter of her rants isn't the real issue...its her controlling, bossy, telling everyone whats best for them nature that is the problem. Beers or not, no excuse to go poking around other peoples beeswax. She sounds like she is going to be apart of your life due to the nature of your boyfriends relationship with her husband... so I would simply warn other friends before hanging out with her to just be prepared for a beligerant lady telling them how to live their life.

Her behavior is no reflection on you, you can't let it get to you and you shouldn't have to appologise for it. She represents only herself (not even her husband should be held liable for her crazy antics). Just nod and smile, like you would do to a child telling you some rambling story about a scooby doo plot they saw on tv that day. Don't take it personal and don't waste your energy trying to coach her into being more open-minded and less blunt with her personal opinions. It won't work anyway.

[KMonte85]

Ok, so update... her and her husband came over to our house this weekend so the boys could work on a car. We had some free time to sit in the back yard and chit-chat (even though I was still pretty peeved at her last conversation with me). I basically called her out.. asked her what was going on and why she said those things to the other couples and to me. She said she didn't even remember saying anything like that, but said she was really sorry and pretty embarrassed. She told me she doesn't know why she would have said those things to any of us.

I'm not sure how to take that now... she definitely was drunk when she was spouting off during the holiday weekend together, but it was still said - drunk doesn't have much to do with it as far as I'm concerned.. and then she says she doesn't even remember it - but she did apologize and it seemed to me like she meant it. So, now I'm torn! she could be completely serious, or she could be using the 'ol "i was drunk" cop out.

maybe I should chalk it up to drunken, uncensored BS and accept her apology... but on the other hand, I know she's got these feelings of jealousy and insecurity that are still there, she may have just used her drinking as a way to not admit it... so then what happens if it ever happens again? I can choose not to serve her alcohol, if that's really the culprit, but that doesn't work when you're not on your own home-turf.

[Ashlee T.]

That's really a tough situation. I can see where you'd feel conflicted. The "I was drunk I don't remember" thing,.....well, I'm always skeptical of that because I know I've been falling down sloshed before and still remembered it the next day. Does it make me lose my inhibitions? Yeah sure, and say things I prob wouldn't otherwise say? Yeah. But the difference with her is that she has said these things to you, stone cold sober, numerous times. Ok, so maybe she slipped up, got drunk and spouted off..........now she knows she did it, she has apologized, and she will know next time when she starts to drink that her behavior may turn sour. If that's the case, she's an adult and should know when to stop and take back control. In other words, alcohol may have caused her inhibitions to lower, but alcohol isn't the culprit. Her long time jealousy, insecurity, and lack of ambition are the culprits.

It's easy to say "Oh I don't remember". But what was her excuse all the other times?

My advice still stands. Have as little to do with her as possible, don't confide in her, and shut her down when she starts the BS.