[jns]

Well their objections are that of race n culture. they like to marry 'their own' n since i am not from the same place as them they have a problem. i dont think its fair for them to dismiss me because of that alone. We have been together for 4 years n tearing us apart just cos i wasnt born in the right place n dont have the right colour skin isnt right. wel thats just my opinion.

You were born in the right place - to your loving parents and your skin is a perfect color, and it's the only one you have. Believe in yourself. You are going to university and making yourself better. You are intelligent and articulate.

I fear you may not get what you want out of this relationship. Your bf is not willing to strike out on his own. I married across race and culture. It's been fun learning about my wife's culture for more than 20 years and race was never a factor for me. I know that you are facing dealing with traditions in he asking permission from his father. I did not have that problem and did not even talk to my father before I got married. I made my own decision and was willing to live with the consequences. He should follow tradition by informing his father, but not be willing to let his father and family influence his decision. That being said, it may be the mentality about race and culture may persist in his family, making your married life less pleasant.

You will have to evaluate the situation and determine if he can grow into the person you want him to be. If he cannot, you will have to determine if you are willing to settle for less. If you are not willing to settle for less and he cannot grow, it may be best to cut your losses and see if you can find someone more compatible.