[jns]

To get your husband to be less moody, you have to get to the root cause of his being moody. He obviously was socialized to get moody by his father, but it still takes some interaction, environmental factor or memories to trigger a new episode. Start writing down your impressions of his mood and what seems to set him off. After you have enough cases, look at them and see if there is a common thread. It could be something like certain music, certain food, a change of weather or season, the brother-in-law coming over or many other triggers. There may be multiple triggers. Then try to find something to brighten his mood for every trigger. I know it is a lot of analysis, but you might get something better out of your marriage.

[jamie27]

Let's see.. 3 years ago when all of this happened, I tried brightening his mood, I tried talking to him, I tried being moody with him, I tried ignoring it, I've tried leaving the room. I've tried pretty much everything out there. The things that sets off his moodiness.. money, just thinking about it randomly, bad dream, occassional canker sore, occassional pimple or rash, bad game, so basically STUPID things.. I know how this may seem..like I'm just being negative but it's not that. I've really tried everything. At this point, I guess the answer is to separate but I'm just too much of a wuss to do that..I won't be able to go back to my ex anyways. I highly doubt he would want to have anything to do with a divorcee with a baby.

[LanaBear]

What about couple's counseling? Being able to talk with a third party in an open environment. Would he be willing to do that?

[Mes T]

Like others have said I think you need to stop thinking about your ex. You were a different person back then, he was a different person... there's no reason to believe that you would ever get along were you to try to get back together now. You broke up for a REASON. Believe in yourself, that you made the right decision. There's no room for doubting that which has already passed.

If you divorce your husband, or stay with your husband, it has to be done in consideration with what you want your future to be... YOUR future, not your and your ex's.

[stressed]

You are unhappy with your husband and imagine that everything would be perfect with your ex, because it's the happy memories you have kept of him, not the bad ones. You don't have a family with your ex, you don't know how he would be like, married, with a child, with financial issues. Your husband could be suffering from depression, he could be concerned about money, that he has a child to take care.

Already making a plan of divorcing and going to an ex you had in your teenage years... is not mature. You cannot escape relationship problems by thinking how better it can be with somebody else. Because problems always come up, it's all about having the patience and the skills to fix them, or at least understand where they originate from.

Having contact with your ex is self-destructive. Consider counseling and spend more time with your husband. Find out more about his interests. Try to help the family financially if you can, to take some stress off his shoulders. Being moody about money is not a stupid thing. It may be a true concern to him that makes him unhappy.

But, please, end the contact with your ex, you will never be able to be happy if you live with selective memories of your past.

[kygirl]

How long did you date before you got married? I find it hard to believe that he was never moody at all before you got married? Did you just think he'd change? Maybe he is moody because he doesn't know how to express his emotions and/or maybe he feels like he doesn't know how to convey them in an effective manner with you. Maybe he is overwhelmed by something. Maybe he feels like he needs something for himself individually like a hobby, friend time, etc.

I definitely think counseling would be a great idea. Maybe both individually and together. Someone outside of the circle could help you delve into where these emotions are coming from.

But leave the ex alone. It is sooo easy to think of the happy times when you're not with someone. Especially when things are strained with the person you are with. You have a child and obviously you cared enough about this man to marry him. I wouldn't walk away without exhausting all the options.

[jamie27]

After this forum, I've realized, it's not even about my ex anymore. I'm just unhappy in my marriage and I'm drawn to any guy that is nice to me or funny. My husband doesn't give me any attention unless it's negative and always puts me down. I am a very loyal person and have never cheated and I don't intend to in the future..but I feel myself losing love and respect for my husband everyday..

[LanaBear]

Now you just need to figure out if this is something that can be worked on and possibly resolved. Have you told him what you've told us? That you feel as if you are falling out of love and losing respect for him because he is not giving you what you need... If he loves you and you told him that, I would hope that he would do his dest to work on himself and your marriage.

I really feel as though the two of you may benefit from marriage counseling. That is unless you feel that this is all a lost cause. Did you feel like this before you decided to get pregnant and have a baby? Could some of these stronger feelings be caused by some post-partum depression? Your baby is only 3 months, things are still very overwhelming at this point.

At some point, the decision needs to be made, do you stay or do you go. No one can expect to live in an unhappy marriage, as long as the other partner has been given honest and to the point communication as to what your feelings about the relationship are and has been given a fair chance at working on changing.

Hugs!

[jamie27]

Aw, thanks Lanabear, hugs back to you! I've told him that I don't get jealous anymore..that I wouldn't care if some girl was interested in him.. I know that sounds horrible but that's how I've been feeling and when I told him, I didn't really get a response back..As for couples counseling, I feel like it won't work because we'll listen to what the counselor has to say and he'll be like "I know I have to work on this and be a better spouse" blah blah blah.. and then nothing will change. You're right, I do think this is a lost cause. I don't think it's post partum depression because I'm not really overwhelmed right now.. I love my son SO much. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't know how I could love someone THIS much. I can't even buy everything I want for my son. My husband is all about getting deals and he is the biggest procrastinator when it comes to money and he wants to get things at the last minute. I wanted to get my sons nursery all ready before he arrived and I wasn't even able to do that! We would argue and argue and now his nursery looks like a storage room! He sleeps in a bassinet in our room (which I don't mind, I love having him in our room) We don't have a high chair for him, a stroller, etc.. it makes me so sad that my son has to live like this..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So your two completely different people huh

I'm curious... Is it, was it your habit to get jealous? And if so, your not now because, you don't feel the love for your husband, and in that therefore, there can be no jealousy...

If so, this is something that you have to look at for the future, as you need to know it's "okay", a person is with you because they want to be and frankly, if they cheat, they are out the door, if they cheat, they weren't the right partner for you, we don't unfortunately meet someone in life and say that's it and that is it... Often, we choose wrongly And, as such it doesn't work..

If you do leave one day, please take time out for you, love you and your son and I think life is a lesson.. From this experience you know what you don't want next time right? So, don't settle... Your young you have time on your side.

The new found love you have, the feeling you have, you want more of, you want it 100% totally, your son gives it to you, your husband doesn't, you recall, remember your ex giving some of it, that's the purpose of your thoughts...

Your husband needs to understand you have a little life there at home... He needs a stroller, a chair.. And, he needs to take time out and start to get the baby's room ready, it's important, he is not wasting money, he's giving to his Son, your son together.

Your feeling un-loved and so your questioning everything.. Your feeling like your at a loss, it won't change, and your holding onto the love you have, your Son, remember the love in the past...

The first thing you really need to do is have the house in order as a united family, set up properly...

How can you even "try" to be a happily married couple without having a home?

But, yes 3 months is young and off course a bassinet in the room is fine But, your husband needs to understand this is a family, this is your son, this is a baby and there is no arguement, this is not spending un-necessary money, this is about, caring and looking after your son, our son and having a proper family life...

CW