[Carebear2010]

last spring i almost od'd drugs and alcohol. i was sooooo drunk when i took those pills. it happened at family friend's house. it was on purpose. i was unhappy with life for various of reasons.

now this family that i've know since i was a young child don't even want me around unless my parents are which makes me feel like I need a "babysitter" Their "son, brother, father, friend" died of a drug overdose at a young age. (I've heard diffrent stories how he died) less than 2yrs. ago. He was a heavy drinker and did drugs.

What makes me upset is they invite people over that are related to me and exclude me. This has happened many times before the incident. I used to invite myself over to their house because I had noone else to hang out with and felt lonely. Now I've found a bar I like going to which is the next best thing than being alone.

[lizzardb63]

Well, one would think that since their son died from an overdose they would be more open to helping you through your incident. They may not feel comfortable around you and it may bring up some really hard feelings. They may not have fully healed from their loss, and seeing you opens those wounds. I am sorry they treat you this way. If I were you, I'd cut my losses. You don't need people like that in your life. Reach out to friends, meet new people, and build good relationships who DESERVE your company. You need people who will support you and be there for you no matter what.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey, that's alot of grief from their side. So many people within their family having difficulty with life, drinking and taking drugs and dying.. Then off course, you were there, deliberately drinking and taking drugs to end your life, and they know that, at their home.

They can't handle another person dying, in their presence or as a result of being at their home.

This isn't about you at all, it's the pain they are going through themselves.. Does that make sense?

Now you go to a bar, so that your not alone..

What is it that makes you so sad that you can't see the life ahead of what could be? And, need to drink to be "ok".. in such a lonely world of drinking?

Can you try councelling? Just to vent, to get everything out that is obviously making you feel you don't belong, because in this instance of what you have written you are loved, or else they wouldn't ensure someone was with you, if you attended their home.

[Ashlee T.]

I know that it hurts you, and it's hard to see past that feeling to understand maybe why you're feeling that way, and why they're doing what they're doing. Something extremely important to remember here, is that just as you have your demons, fears, issues........they have theirs too.

What you did scared them. They've already lost someone else from almost the exact same thing. Do you think they are convinced you are done with that part of your life? Done with the drinking? Done with the drugs? You have not recovered.....and they know this. They don't want to feel responsible for your actions if you're with them, which is why they only want you around if your parents are there. They're scared and unsure of what you might do. Does that make sense?

And the reason for this is, they of all people know that they cannot help an individual who does not want to be helped. What I mean by this is, if you're drinking and/or using drugs and are suicidal, it is not in their power to help you. You have to help yourself. And you have to show those around you that you are stable, that you are trustworthy, and that they don't have to tip toe on eggshells in fear they'll say something to send you over the edge.

The fact that you're turning to a bar for comfort, simply reinforces their fear. And their fear is that you will be on a downward spiral until you decide to pick yourself up and get out of it. And until you get yourself out of that downward spiral...they cannot trust you and do not want to suffer another loss like they already have.

Things will get better. IF you want them to. If you're old enough to go to bars, you're old enough to join a gym, to participate in group sports, to take an art class, a dance class, to attend college courses, etc. There are LOTS of things you can do to be around people that do not involve alcohol and drugs. And most importantly, you can get help and it sounds like that's definitely something you need to do in order to wipe this slate clean with yourself and start new.

Work on yourself. Work on making you a better you, and making your life a better life. And in the meantime, be patient and understand that you have to build trust with those around you. All actions have consequences, and the consequences of your previous alcohol, drug abuse / suicide are that people are insecure about you, and you'll have to regain their trust. And I have a feeling if you put your mind to it, you'll succeed with flying colors.