[KMonte85]

Parents are supposed to guide their children into adulthood having given them sound enough advice to make it in the world, then then let them go. It seems like mom did that for her son.. now she needs to let go.

However, if your boyfriend refuses to tell his mom that he is an adult now and can make his own decisions, then I don't see any amount of a quick fix. It rests on his shoulders to realize that mom is being a dramatic and to tell her that he is going to spend as much time with you as he pleases.

Until he stands up to her (which it sounds like he isn't willing to do), mommy dearest will be a big part of your relationship with your boyfriend, the time you get to spend together, and the activities you get to partake in. And don't for one second believe that the situation will get better once you're married... if anything it is going to get worse if he won't step up.

[Lovely_B]

Like I said he has stood up to her and thats when she started threating to hurt herself. He believes that she would, and wouldn't be able to forgive himself if she were to do something. I starting to think that she needs some professional help. When he told her that she would have to get over it when we were married, she said she would and that she would have no problem with it then because we would be married, she just doesn't believe we should before then. Which if she was religous and actually went to church, I would be able to be more understanding of how she feels. But I think she just wants to get her way.

[KMonte85]

I think that's an excuse, and I think she (and probably you) already know that she will not back off if you ever marry her son.

If you want to stay with him, that's your choice, but until he's willing to call Mom's bluff, you are most likely stuck having to deal with her irrational behavior for the duration of your relationship. He's not going to make her go away, and as long as he doesn't make her go away, she won't go away.

Sounds miserable and I'm sorry you're in the middle of this power struggle with your bf's mom.. I can't say I would be able to deal with that!

[LanaBear]

If he believes that she will harm herself over something as childish as this, then one option, come clean to dad and let him know EVERYTHING mom has done and said. Then dear mom needs to be escorted into a psychiatrist office for threatening bodily harm to herself, which in most states people can be arrested for as well.

He needs to tell her of his plan, see if she shapes up. Like KM said, he needs to call her on her bluff. If it is not a bluff, then she'll get the help she obviously needs.

[Lovely_B]

It is miserable, and alot to deal with and I dont plan on having to deal with it forever. I love him way too much to let her ruin us, I'm praying that it's just that she's having a hard time letting him go, and that the more time that goes by she will be able to deal with it better. I think that it may be that, that is actually bothering her, and that she's just taking it out on us in this way. I'm really trying to stay positive about it all, and not set and worry about it and just enjoy the time I do get to spend with him. We are all suppose to go to his apartment this weekend for a birthday party, so I guess we'll see what happens. If it doesn't get better though I will say something to her, I'm tired of her running our lives.

[sourpuss]

This is way to bizarre. Seriously.

Don't count on her ever changing. Someone doesn't threaten bodily harm simply because they have empty nest syndrome. Even if that were the case, your boyfriend and his father wouldn't find it such normal behavior for her. Sounds to me like she's been this way all her life and she's trained the men in her life to behave as she wants. This situation didn't happen over night. And I don't see it changing any time soon.
So you can live with it and tip toe around her or you can demand for it to change. Putting your foot down (which is the most mature and rational action in the whole thing) will most likely blow up in your face. The two men are obviously conditioned to bow to her every whim, or they would have put their own feet down a long time ago.

Not allowing you to see him alone?! At 22? When he doesn't even live with his parents? What?! That's absurd.

[Sweetest Love]

WOW... I thought I was the only one with a boyfriend's mom horror story. My boyfriend has put his foot down and told his mom she will not be included in his personal affairs anymore because she would just become too involved w/o talking to him first (it is a VERY long story so I won't get all the way into it). Anyway now that he had this discussion with her and made a conscience effort to stop telling her everything, she comes around me and pretty much acts like I don't exist. I mean she'll speak but she literally will not look at me. I just stare at her and smile. She is too old to be so immature. My boyfriend and I actually live together and she came to my home the other day (for the first time while I was actually home) and I held my tounge because I wanted to give my bf fair warning. When she left I let him know that the next time she is around me and acts the way she does I'm going to just ask her woman to woman... is there a problem or concernt that you would like to discuss? and we will see where that goes.

Anyway, your bf def needs to put his foot down. And, I think, it needs to come from him before you say anything to mommy directly. That way she knows (and you know) you guys are on the same page.

[LanaBear]

Closed per members request.