[LoveCatherine]

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now we have a fantastic relationship. However, I want to find out more about in him get in to his sole, find out what he wants in life - just to open up to me really!
He's not sercetive in anyway I just wish he'd open up to me more, every time I try and discuss things i.e the future etc he's kind of dismisses it.

He was a long term relationship for 7 years with his last girlfriend, she hurt him badly, and basically he lost trust in women and I think he is scared but it's frustrating for me to know what he's thinking and feeling about us.

How can get him to open up more?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

7 years, being hurt, equals, non trust...

You either have to hang about a couple more years and let him see you would never be her and hope that he sees that, or realise you have a man with baggage whom may never, ever, give again, to that extent.

I know from experience and after 7 years myself, of not winning, I had to walk..

Having said that it depends on his personality whether he will allow himself to dream a dream again... Whether, he just needed, but wasn't ready for real love yet, and whether, you two are compatible enough that he realises that your better than what he had...

It's hard sweetheart, very hard, try to focus on him for a few months, not you, and see if he can see..... You need proper connection, intimacy, him seeing your inner self, loving her, not the need of another woman and still greaving, or in pain, one or the other, sometimes it takes alot of time and sometimes it never eventuates until they are mature, older and see clearer.


CW

[Ashlee T.]

I kinda think that if he makes you happy, treats you like you want to be treated, etc....then you already KNOW how he feels, right? You want "more" of him, but a year in the scheme of things isn't very long, and maybe he's not ready to give more. Or, perhaps this is just who he is, and maybe he'll never be ready to give more of himself than what he is right now. That's something to think about.

I think pushing him in any way to be more open to give you more will be detrimental to your relationship. My last BF was constantly telling me he wanted "more" of me. We too had dated for a year. But I was giving him what I felt like I could at that time. His words made me feel like what I was giving wasn't enough, and that put a lot of unneeded pressure on me. We ended up breaking up, and when he looks back on it now, he doesn't really even know what "more" means, because he should've been just fine with the way things were naturally playing out. I think it's just sometimes we always are looking to improve things, to have what we don't have, to make things what we want them to be instead of what they are. So my advice to you is enjoy your relationship, let him be who HE is on his own time. Telling him you want more from him won't make him open up more. But if he's going to, time, trust and patience will.

[lonestar]

He will open up in time. He just has to feel safe. And for you, a year feels like a enough time. Think about it from his perspective- you date someone for that long, you probably felt safe enough to confide everything to that person. You probably thought about committing yourself for life to this person; having children and growing old and all that hooplah... just to have it allll come crashing down. I don't know what happened, but it seems pretty detrimental to have ended a 7 year relationship. How long ago was this? Did it happen right before you met? Just be a good friend to him. You don't have to put on a show; as long as you have the right intentions in mind (and a little patience), you two should be fine. He will learn in time that you will not hurt him. And in the meantime, don't hurt him and don't rush him. It will strain your relationship into an unhealthy one.