[RB123]

Hi everyone. This is my first post, but I feel like it'd be nice to get some input to see if other people have felt this way before and what it meant for them. I've been with my boyfriend for two years (living with him for almost a year, at my mom's house)..he is my first love. He is my best friend and I cannot imagine my life without him. However, sex has been kind of weird for a while. I am attracted to him physically, but even when I feel like having sex, I find reasons not to do it. I don't feel like it's laziness. Most of the time I have to make myself start and then can get into it as we continue. I don't like spending a lot of time on foreplay, and I used to. And our sex life when we first got together was amazing. Like multiple times a day. We'd have oral and regular sex all the time. I think I have a pretty healthy sex drive, and it's just been non-existent. I have these really intense dreams fairly often, so I know I'm thinking about it and want it, I just am so worried that maybe I don't have that romantic love for him anymore and I don't know how I'm supposed to know that. I know I love him. Isn't sex the thing that makes a relationship more than just a friendship?

It'd be great to hear from you. Thanks.

[stressed]

Has anything happened during sex that made you not want it? It seems as if you find him attractive, you want sex, but you get stuck at initiating it.

- Do you over-think about it (i.e. what if you're "caught" by his mom), so that sex becomes more stressful than fun to do.
- Has it become repetitive (i.e. he does the same things every time)
- Does he not respond to what you do (i.e. you give him oral and all he does is lie back and enjoy it without saying a word, or give back much in return).
- Have there been any major changes in your lives (i.e. a job/studies/other).
- Do the intense dreams evolve around him, or somebody else, or just an imaginary/dream guy
- Do you feel he satisfies you sexually

Any of those reasons, and others, can be enough to make you feel the way you do.

[lizzardb63]

Being on birth control can lower sex drive. Have you been on Birth control?

[sourpuss]

Are you worried about your mom hearing you?

[Ashlee T.]

Being on birth control can lower sex drive. Have you been on Birth control?

Ditto to this. It's amazing how it can make you feel like sex is just more work than it's worth.

[RB123]

I think I am saying yes to a few of these things. I over-think EVERYTHING and things have been very repetitive. We mix it up a little, but not really. The mom thing isn't stressful in that she may walk in, it's more that we can't be ourselves during sex. Like, I can't be loud or anything and it's usually a night time event or a random time when my mom is gone and we are home in the daytime. She definitely takes the spontaneity out of it.

He is very into being with me; although sometimes I feel like it's more about the outcome than it is about being intimate with me.

And yes to changes in our lives. I had some pretty intense health problems that I have been recovering from and am now working and busy.

The intense dreams are never with him..always with other guys. It's usually like a guy I've just met in the dream and it's that excitement of not knowing what's going to happen. I kind of miss that about being in a relationship, the excitement of the first touch, the first kiss, the unknown.

I feel satisfied when we are finished, it's just hard to get into initially.

Now what am I supposed to do with all of that? I feel like there are several things..what am I supposed to do about all of them?

[RB123]

Oh and I'm not on birth control.

[ROXY03]

Maybe you need a fresh spark in your sex life, are you bored?? Try something new, do what you dream about, wear sexy clothes..........go for it, you love him. The longer you over analyse yourself the more self conscious you'll be. Just a 'comfortable dry-patch' its normal, just get back into it xx