[Silly Girl]

We broke up like 5 months ago. I dumped him, actually, 'cause he was too jealous, didn't trust me and was controlling (to the point I got into trouble if I hung out with my female friends... I had NO male friends whatsoever being with him). He was the only person aside from my family who was important in my life. He was my main emotional support and despite being a bad boyfriend sometimes, I loved him deeply. He made me happy. I just broke up with him because I felt it wasn't healthy to keep going like that since he obviously wasn't gonna change.

When we broke up, he was contacting me and being sweet because he wanted me back. I didn't really like seeing him like that. Regardless, he was still there. I didn't really feel lonely, because even if we only talked to argue, he was still THERE. Now, he's not. And from one day to another, he just became indifferent. It's not like it was an amicable departure. No, now it's like I'm an awful person for having dumped him, and he's totally indifferent and says he doesn't even want to hear about me.

I have friends, but I feel lonely. I go out with them, but I don't enjoy myself. I see other guys, but I don't feel attracted (my libido is completely DEAD). I feel empty and really bad. I also feel downright ugly (never have been confident, and since during teenage years I was mocked for being "ugly", well... it's always been an emotional thing for me). I just don't feel like I'm pretty and hot like most girls I see at clubs... and I know he must probably be very much enjoying checking out these girls who look nothing like me when he goes out. I don't know why that bothers me, but it does!

In short, I envy him, 'cause he's happy, he has friends and does things which make him happy and he's over me already... me, on the other hand, I feel lonelier than ever, empty and unhappy. And no matter how much effort I put in trying to be happy, I fail miserably. I just feel empty. I also suck at meeting new people, making conversation.... I never have anything to talk about and just don't know what to do when meeting new people, I feel uninteresting, and just don't enjoy any of it.

What can I do?

[Ashlee T.]

*sigh*.........oh boy I know this feeling. Or at least I know my version of it. It's hard when someone breaks up with you and then moves on with their life (even if it's not a new girlfriend) and you think they're out having a big time, and you're sitting home feeling miserable. Let me just say.....LOOKS can be deceiving. What you're doing is dealing with your emotions. What he's doing, is going out and partying it up so he doesn't have to deal with being alone. I've done ALOT of the sitting at home, feeling like I have nothing to do, and no one to do it with....while knowing my ex is out partying it up. But I'll tell ya what....I don't regret a minute of that time because it gave me time to get comfortable with myself again, and it gave me time to sort through my feelings, which I can tell you're doing too.

I know it stinks right now, feeling like you do.....but try really hard not to get down on yourself. When you want to get out and do things, take the initiative to call up your friends and plan something. If you don't have any close friends, nows the time to take the initiative to make some. You can do it girl.

[sourpuss]

What are your hobbies?

[Kallygirlie]

Hun you need to remind yourself why you broke up with him in the first place. What you did was the right thing to do. It wasn't healthy. Either he is covering up his emotion or he's trying to play the game by making you think how great things are for him hoping you'll come back. be strong and just work on healing your heart. You didn't break up with him bc you didn't love him so of course it hurts. but if you were to get back together with him, will he change? Will you still be unhappy because of him controlling you? You have to keep these things in mind. Your heart has no idea what it wants. I spent 3 yrs lonely and depressed because I though my ex was the only man I could ever love and the idea of someone else made me sick. Surprise, I'm engaged to another man and look back on my time with my ex and cant believe I dealt with the way he treated me. Find something you enjoy doing, go out with friends, read ect. you need to move past him.

[lizzardb63]

I know this feeling so well. In December 2009, my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. For the first two weeks, he was going out with friends, having a good time, and I was sitting in my room sobbing over losing my best friend. Here is some advice I hope helps.

Share your feelings. Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust — someone who recognizes what they're going through — helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. If you feel like someone can't relate to what you're going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more sympathetic to talk to.

Remember what's good about you. This one is really important. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you.

Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get broken too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost.

Don't be afraid to cry. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is another tough one for guys, but there's no shame in crying now and then. No one has to see you do it — you don't have to start blubbering in class or at soccer practice or anything. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the shower when you're getting ready for the day.

Do the things you normally enjoy. Whether it's seeing a movie or going to a concert, do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while.

Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened — working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process — it just means you should focus on other things too.

Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks — and sometimes even months.

One of the things that helped most was GET RID OF ANYHTING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM. Pictures, cards, gift...put them out of sight. OUT OF SIGHT...OUT OF MIND.

[Tiptopshape]

You shouldn't punish yourself like this. There was a perfect reason why you two broke up and you know that it'll only make you miserable if you both continue on with the relationship. Enjoy being single for once, never force yourself to be in another relationship just for the sake of it... you're clearly not ready. Spend time with your friends and do things that'll make you forget the pain even for just awhile. It might be impossible now to forget your ex, but I promise you, it's definitely possible...when that time comes, you'll be able to look back and be thankful that you made the right decision. I wish the best for you.