[Olympia]

HisBabyGirl,

Thank you, in all of this my reasoning had flown the coop.. Thanks for drawing it to the ground.. I will look into that, and mention it to hubby. Financially we are strapped, but perhaps....

[BabyGirl]

Olympia.

it is understandable your reasoning is a bit muddled. It can be a scary and insecure thing, moving to another state or country or sometimes just another area.

Myself I have lived in the West most of my 55 years. Washington, Oregon, California, New Mexico, Arizona.. The scariest was to Kentucky and just a few miles from the Virginia, West virginia, Tennesee Borders. Just myself , 3 kids and no Hubby. Had Family there but still I picked up, packed up and rented a 28 ft U~haul with everything I owned in it and drove across Country.

Now I could have left the 2 youngest, then 9 and 13 here with my "Mom" and just me & my adult son drive to KY and scope things out.. But I just could not seem to feel it ok to leave the ones I loved the most, Behind. I didn't want them to feel Abandoned . And just the thought of leaving them for more than a few days, was unbearable.

I had a lil Ranch here, Didn't want to Sell it ( at that time) So I let my oldest Daughter and two of her Girlfriends " Caretake " it. ( 19 and 20 year olds)....They had to pay the electric, water, garbage, Maintain the property, feed the Horses & Chickens and they also had to pay $100 a month in rent. Each Girl payed about $200 out of pocket , total, with all bills being split the 3 ways. I had a contract with the feed store for my Horses & Chickens feed to be paid by me.

I also had a Contract written up with the Girls of rules and regulations and things that they would be responsible for and reasons they could and would be Evicted for... I Had My " Mom" be the " Acting Landlord".. At that time, I paid $675 a month Mortgage, taxes and Insurance.

3 Young Ladies that were just starting out in life found a place to live for just around $200 a month each. I kept my home in case things didn't work out in Ky and I only had to pay $300 a month extra on things for myself and the 3 that went with me in KY.

I was free to do what was needed in KY. Which was take care of a Terminal Relative. I was in KY 18 months and when my obligation was done, I came back home and eventually sold my Lil Ranch..

The point here is that You can and do have options, when and if hubby relocates for a new job. And Planning ahead is a surefire way of telling him & him telling You that you are in the Marriage for the Long Run..

You do Not have to Sell your house when he gets a New Job. At least not right away. There will be rentals in the new town , Places to live that you don't have to Own or Commit to right away. But you may eventually want to sell the old and buy a new, once you know his job is secure.

So Advise..... Is... Let him look, Let him apply, Help him discuss jobs and areas, benifits and negatives of job and Area.... Even let him go for a Week or Month ( if he gets an Job Offer ) to search for a place for you Both to live until the house you both own can be sold.

Research, Research, Research, Discuss every Option, together without Emotional Input of Past Descretions on either side.

Use the words " If We" instead of if YOU or I ..

Oly...

You two have made it this long, it is now time to decide if you 2 want another 25 years ?
In this time, Money is an OBJECT and We are all Strapped to it.. The Safest place to be is Strapped to the ones We Love.

[WildChild]

As Baby Girl points out you do have options. My concern is that you don't feel he can be trusted with any separation. It's been seme years. Is there anything in his current or recent behavior that bolsters this feeling?

[Olympia]

I have allowed this issue to have an unhealthy and negative effect on me. I need to turn it around..
Willing to change this to a positive and direct my energy towards a goal. Pick myself up, and start going thru things and donate/sell, so as to limit clutter and what we would take with us.. And face each other step as it presents itself.

Talked with hubby about concerns last evening. Felt as if there was a bit more understanding on his part. His actions will show if that be true or no.. And i showed more optimism, less negative. I have accepted the fact that we may not make it to 26 years...

Many thanks for all your input..